Blog 38–Court

​Another long post. I start and words just come in my mind to tell you about, so here you go.

Feb 2–Today in court I pleaded not guilty, so the judge is making me return on March 15 for a continuance.

I hate this whole situation.

In my next post I will give you details of everything. So, I have a month and a half to spend. I am thinking I will go to Texas and some of the national parks there.

Shall I stop by and see you”

January 26–At a McDonald’s now using their free wifi. I just looked out the window and saw a guy drop trash on the ground, so I knocked on the window and gave him a very stern look (and, you wouldn’t believe how stern my look can be–it would scare you), he brought the rubbish to a trash can.

What do people think sometimes? seems like there are so many people in this world who do not know how to think.

When I know I will be passing by a trash can I inevitably look for litter on the ground and place it in the receptacle as I am passing by. I believe if everyone did such a thing it would be a more pleasant world. Just imagine what these people’s homes could look like on the inside, yikes. Once you get in their cave it could be scary.

I’ve heard stories of people who go to live in a cave or in the mountains for six months or more. This seems appealing to me. Solitude seems to be my desire, my aim to be alone the greater part of my life brings a comfort.

Seems that many people spend their time and energy trying to acquire new luxuries and “things”, even though that seldom leads to personal happiness.

I write of my travels as a way, I am hoping, to add to and enlarge your life, somehow. Sad and dire recently, but I am climbing out of that hole I dug myself into. And, as the winter cold fades away, the words will be better and better.

Currently I am reading some of the writings of Henry David Thoreau. The benefits of his writings were not really recognized until about 100 years after his death (I wonder if he used a MAC to write with or IBM?)

Boy, that means if I were to die now I might be discovered as a writer sooner? Not comparing myself to Thoreau, but some others have compared and like the collections of words I script. But, digging my grave too soon? I wonder . . .

In staying in life, to be out in the wilderness by myself brings me joy (although I miss you.)

In our life we are mainly alone, we have to learn to live with that and move forward. Others are here to help, but we have to be the one at the wheel of our ship. Live deliberately, aim to learn and teach all your life. Connect with nature–smell a flower, climb a tree, eat some grass, kiss a grasshopper.

Learn to be by yourself. It is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Along with solitude, it is important to me to have a close communion with nature. People seem to get lost in cities and loss site of what is really important–nature and the earth. So, my aim in the woods is looking at what the meaning of life is. Simplify life and you have more.

Jan 27–Last night was another disastrous event in my life–yikes–too many of them!

I arrived at Big Biloxi Campground in Desoto National Park. I found a campsite that looked inviting, so I took up the invitation. As I was backing into the site the back wheels sank into the soft ground and I tried to go forward again, then back. I sank in deeper and deeper. It ended up that my back wheels were sunk in almost up to the axle (sorry I forgot to get a photo for you.)

I was sideways on the main dirt road through the campsite and on a turn, it was getting dark, and rain was on the way. If someone came quickly and did not see me right away they would just plow through my van. And, if I was in the van, bye bye Kit? Fortunately, not many were out tonight.

Quite a predicament, yes?

In my life I have learned that, when something goes wrong or is going wrong, I do not panic. Right away my mind goes into the solution mode, thinking of ways to fix the situation..

Of course, right away my mind thought, “what to do, what to do?” I saw there were only a couple other people staying here. I walked about 200 meters to a trailer with a truck. After talking with Dave, who had chains, and we drove over to examine the situation. He thought I was too stuck and did not want to harm my van with any chains or pulling, so he did not help.

Another truck drove up and I went up and talked with him. A very nice man named Joe, he was at the park to walk his dog. He wanted so much to help with his truck, but had no chains. He did have a strap and we tried with that, but no go.

The people who saw what had happened could not believe the management of the park left this how is was. I do hope something will be done now so that it does not happen to someone else.

I called AAA and eventually they got someone out here. As I was awaiting him I had a big salad, might as well, had the time. When he got there Jimmy hooked up a toe line to the van frame underneath and pulled me quickly out–YEAAAH!

A few days later I remembered that I had purchased my tires from Pep Boys, and they had a lifetime wheel balance and rotation. So I did, just to make sure the wheel system was up to par.

Before I went I went to a car-wash and cleaned how I could underneath. They still had to clean each wheel before checking the balance. All this worked out for free, a good thing.

Never did have the wheel alignment checked on the van, so I did. It needed a minor alignment, $84 bucks later and I was on the road and happy, and, they did spend a good four hours working on the van.

Jan 27–Spent the day reading and being in the van. I am glad I have a heater, cold out there. As dinner time came it was chicken tacos–yummy. I am using some of the cilantro that I grow in the van with the meal, feel good about that.

The campsite has a water outlet and electrical hookup, so I did. I have an extension cord and small plugin heater that keeps me quite comfy. And, I can power my computer to write to you, so, here I am. No wifi, of course, so you will get this later.

Then I did a dumb thing. On the computer I run a screensaver running that shows all the photos in my collection. Of course, included are shots of Tina and our travels together.

I got sad.

My computer cannot connect because there is no wifi, but my little phone (not a smart phone) can send text, so I did. I let Tina know my thoughts about the joy we had together. She, basically, let me know that that can and will never happen again, in no uncertain words.

What I am finding so hard is she never really had a reason for leaving me, Tina just brought up our differences of faith and religion. I believe these can be put in the background, so, that is why it is so hard for me.

I don’t know why I’ve held onto hope, I just have. I allowed this to destroy me last night, tears flowing. And, remember, in the beginning of this collection of words I had written about learning to be alone with yourself and staying happy.

Once again, I must follow my own advice.

I’ve had much anger toward Tina for leaving me in the dust, but I also have a strong love for this women. The two seem to cancel each other out. So, I guess, we remain friends?

Dave Finnigan and Mark Karaman, after my last sad email, you wrote back and sent clips of the book I had attached, “Your Brain”, in the last post of my blog words. Thank you for that, guys. My own words coming back to bite me. Once again, I need to follow my own advice.

Steve Harrison, thank you again for the books. I just finished reading “The Case for Christ” by Lee Strobel. This book is quite well written, but it did not pull me into belief.

Strobel writes as a lawyer thinks; well organized. He brought the case to us as factual evidence for Jesus and God, but, this was all taken from the bible, which I question as an authority of life.

I’ve still been studying the bible trying to find words that relate to life and my life in a way that is fulfilling, I still cannot. Why would this god bring on these terrible things in people’s lives, in my life.

Seems that people don’t read the bible in a critical way, just reading “the good parts.” or rephrasing words to match what they are looking for. This book is full of evil, take it apart and read in intently, you will see.

If you believe in God, which God do you truly believe in? Often the Abrahamic God, but what about all the other Gods? what if the true god is Allah. If you truly believe, you really need to verify your beliefs by studying ALL religions.

In most every biblical story I’ve read, once dissected, it shows just how apparently inept this God really is. How can a God who is capable of bringing this universe into existence keep making mistake after mistake and more death and destruction?

Flooding the world that he built and killing whole cities of people and animals. A child could pick out the errors, inconsistency and immorality of this ‘god’ fairly easily, which only speaks to the awesome power of indoctrination.

You are an atheist toward all the other gods, I just take it one more and don’t believe in your god. Why does this god not open my mind in a way to understand he (or she) is there. If there is a god, that would be an evil thing to do, keeping me from knowing.

I don’t want to insult anyone with my thoughts of god, please understand.

Actually went out bicycling today, hadn’t for awhile. I’ve just had so much change and loss in my life, in the back of my mind I was wondering if I also lost the skill to ride a bike. Went alright after all. Surprise, surprise,

I jumped on the unicycle and that went alright, as well.

Just talked with my daughter Jasmine, who is in Kent, Ohio, in her last year of college. She is doing quite well, a job is already lined up at Macys in NYC designing clothes for the year after she graduates.

When I was a youngster I really liked the name “Sweetie” for some reason. I decided, at a young age (10 or 11), that I would use that name for someone quite important to me–such as a girlfriend or a wife. I saved and used the name for Jasmine–my Sweetie.

As far as my second daughter, April, I have a name for her, too. When she was quite young I started using encouraging words with her. When she accomplished something or did something good I would say, “April does”, or “April do”. Eventually this morphed into April Du, which I call her to this day.

The next morning I awoke at 2am, then the negative thoughts started in my brain. That’s one trouble with being alone, sometimes you bring on bad thoughts and keep getting deeper and deeper into it. Of course, I could not return to sleep.

Deep sleep seems to evade me, don’t know what it could be doing to my brain in the long term, or, perhaps, it already has and that’s the reason I am like I am (or, am I?)

Drove to some local sites in the National Park and looked around, not much to see.

Jan 30–Came back to Big Biloxi Campsite to stay again. I will take wilderness over a city any day.

Jan 31–Through CouchSurfing.com I discovered Lee Miller, living in Mobile, Alabama. Staying with him for the night–a joy–what a great guy. I had all the fixings so we had tacos for dinner, along with Pam, who also travels and was spending the night.

Pam has lived and traveled in vehicles and staying with people, she says, for twenty years now; I like that. She is 65 and living the life that she wants.

Lee can juggle, but has never juggled clubs. So, I brought mine out and in just a short time he was.

Actually I slept out in my van last night, instead of Lee’s son’s bunk-bed (did I use ‘s correctly?) The van is very comfortable for me, as you would guess. I will be showering in the morn in the house. Wearing loose and comfortable garb to sleep in, in my warm sleepy bag with blankets on top, I became quite warm, almost too hot.

I’ve looked into how the human body heats itself. From what I can tell it is from each cell breaking down sugars and that produces heat. If you know anything more, please let me know. 96 seems quite warm to me, yes?

We had all gone for sleepies early, between 8 and 9pm. I awoke at midnight, wide awake. So, I read for awhile and eventually drifted off.

I awoke again at 4am from a dream (nightmare?) In the dream Tina and I were out having a wonderful time, like the old days. But, then I remembered I lived in a van and could not go home with her, like we did in the past.

A sad remembrance.

Now I have two nights and a full Monday to just wait, until the court appearance on Tue at 4pm.

It’s strange, I almost am feeling like I am an observer, rather than a participant, in this thing we call life. Looking at my life from the outside, the only life I know, of course, seeing that I have taken a very strange path for most of the life I have lived.

Feb 2–I arrived at the home of Adam Bilinski, also through CouchSurfing, where I will be tonight. At these places I go to I usually end up sleeping in my van, but use their shower and internet while there.

Adam is from Poland and has come to teach, a great thing.

Right now I am writing this at the courthouse, where I arrived two hours early. I wanted to make sure I found the place ok and have concerns. You will find out later how it goes (and, I guess I will, too.)

Before I left Adam’s house I looked for my glasses, could not find anywhere. Searched the house and the van, twice, too. They must be in the house somewhere, I had them on in the house. I am usually quite careful with my spectacles, so I am surprised.

Fortunately I had one contact lens, so that was inserted, I can see alright.

Once again, too many struggles, life has not been fun, in any way. I have so many fabulous memories of times past, but one of those good times has not occurred in quite a while.​

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