BLOG 49—On the way to where?
The Wanderings of Kit (Do you wander or just wonder?)With my words, I hope to throw some oblique light upon your soul.
By writing this blog I want to inspire you and show you that–
YES—YOU CAN > >• Change your life at any time to make it more magnificent!• Live with little money and still have an excellent life.• Be able to live life getting very little sleep.• Live ANYWHERE in the world and still make your life a fantastic event!• See experiences that will add to and make your life better.• I want to inspire you as to the wonders of the earth.• Perhaps this is my new “gig”, traveling the world doing the same?• And, I’m not just, “Kitting Around”.Design the life YOU want to live, NOW, then live that life.*********************************************************************Remember, to read past blog posts, go to kitsummers.com/blog/***If you are reading this through Facebook, check out my blog on my website.***If you are not my Facebook friend, yet, please befriend me.***The freedom I am experiencing in my travels is a marvelous thing.***Going where I want, when I want and seeing wonderful places and people.***I will have places to show you and tales to tell.***I will have secrets to unfold and good news!I’m glad to take you on my journeys with me!********************************************************************************************************************************************Yikes, I had written words and deleted all I did, by accident. I will attempt to recovery by memory.Still very interesting to live the way I do. Not knowing what is next or where I am heading, but many lives are lived that way.===================Words to inspire you!
Here are the “a’s” >>- Accomplish
- Accomplishments
- Achieve
- Act
- Action
- Active
- Admiration
- Admire
- Adventure
- Alive
- Ambition
- Ambitious
- Appreciate
- Appreciation
- Attain
- Attitude
===================MY DAILY JOTTINGS >>12/27—I had some time to spend, so, today, I went to San Dieguito Park up by Solana Beach, north of San Diego; very nice. On the grass, I did some juggling and playing with props. I saw some kids on the swings and slides having a great time. Of course, their moms were right there, overseeing.
It reminded me of when my wonderful daughters, Jasmine and April, were toddlers. I often took them to various parks in the area where we lived. I wonder if they remember?I knew, at their young age, with their brains still developing, the more experiences they had would build their thinking in a good way. Also, I knew that getting to know nature would add wonders to their thinking.So, I would have them feel leaves, grass, rocks, along with other things. Smelling different things is important, too. As well as play on and with different things.I knew where frogs were, so we had to go and find them. And, I tried to introduce them to other animals, as well. I just knew that with more experiences, their brains would develop better (and it worked!)I loved to do things with them that would enliven their minds (mine, too!)How about you?- When was the last time you smelled a flower?
- When was the last time you picked up an interesting rock to examine it?
- When was the last time you were out feeding birds?
Nature is a main teacher in life. At least once a week, get away from your computer and other things and spend some time in natural settings. Even a local park can help do the job.You have to remember, it’s the little things in life and that makes life a great event. If you can make all of the little things better, you will experience a finer life.Once again, the more experiences we have in life, the more joy we can find. Life is so much more than the stuff you can buy with money. That’s one of the main reasons I love living and traveling in my van, so so many experiences I am going through.A joy I found—I went and parked at the beach in a great spot. Right next to the sand, it made me smile. While parked there, dinner was a can of chili, very tasty. As I wrote before, I carry enough food to last me for a week or two.Where I was parked, many pretty damsels were walking by. It made me wonder if I will ever again find someone to be with. I love to be in love.
12/29—Today I went with my friend, Daniel Powell, to his church, along with Kat and John, who were staying with him. This was a Christian Science Church in Rancho Sante Fe. Two women were speaking. The whole time we heard them read from the bible book and another book, nothing impromptu, at all.The small audience of about 35 were completely silent and no one took notes. Just one song took place with the group. The service was, sorry to say, kind of boring.It always surprises me that at most churches the audience is read to from the bible, like they can’t read the bible for themselves? This is the only religious text that I know of, the old testament and new. Other religions have books, they are mainly written through the eyes of the bible, though.I don’t know if you have read the bible, there are many parts that are of horrendous things, but, most do not read their bible book and do not know about the bad parts. For one >>Deuteronomy 13:7-12 >> “If your own full brother, or your son or daughter, or your beloved wife, or you intimate friend, entices you secretly to serve other gods . . . Your hand shall be the first raised to slay him; the rest of the people shall join in with you. You shall stone him to death, because he sought to lead you astray from the Lord, your God.”(Who will be the one to kill me for my non-belief, as the bible asked for?)This church was very clean and modern with large windows all around looking out on beautiful foliage that is around the church. After the service it was like a social event as people gathered and milled around and talked.As you know, I do not believe in any God; belief never made any sense to me. It still surprises me how so many follow the bible so closely.After we attended church service, we drove over and walked down Cedros Road to see stores near Daniel’s. We went to see madisongalleries.com. They were showing very unique and special art from around the world. Art normally bores me, but I did like what I saw here.Last night was the first of two nights of New Year’s celebrations put on by Daniel, who owns the property of The Village on Cedros AvenueDaniel, who I graduated high school with in 1977, became a millionaire in his 20’s through the buying and selling of commercial real estate. He has gone on to own more and more properties and has been more and more successful.Yes, he is a winner at the Monopoly game of life and living the life that “he” chooses.So, two nights of New Years Celebration, starting last night. We saw USC Trojan Marching Band, magnificent, I must say. They played many current hits, quite well at that.
As I helped as much as I could, Daniel gave me a good amount of money for my help. I did not expect that, thank you so much, my friend, it will be used well.In another area, a dance floor along with a band to make people swing and dance. A great time was had by all. Also, Daniel is a successful drummer and beat some skin along with the band.Earlier tonight I was out at the sidewalk leaning against a pole. Many walked by, only one person made eye contact and said, “hi”. It makes me sad that people are so self-contained and will not open up to others and be friendly. I hope you are friendlier?12/30—Slept next to where Daniel’s shopping center is located. I was watching the area for Daniel, kind of like a security guard? And, I was not unarmed, I had my right arm and my left arm.I awoke at 1am by noise, so I went to check it out. There was a big truck there and four guys were breaking apart and loading the dance floor that Daniel rented. I saw “Raphel’s Rentals” on the side of the truck, so I knew it was OK. After my middle of the night melee, I slept until 5am, so, a night of good sleep for me, after all.This second night New Year’s Eve celebration did not attract any crowds, quite disappointing, I must say. Only a few people on the dance floor, some at the coffee shop.
Friends of Daniel, Kat, and John, took us all out to eat Mexican. With a view of the beach and the delicious food, a fabulous night was had by all.12/31—I drove Kat and John from Daniel’s house to the airport at 5:30am. We made it in plenty of time. The airport, being so close to Ocean Beach (OB), where I grew up, was close by. So, it was a magnet effect—I was drawn to OB—again.Nothing happening at the beach, I did some early morning juggling on the grass. Then I just told myself, “There is nothing more for you here, skedaddle, and you don’t need to return.”OB is where I grew up and where my mom lived for over 50 years until her death a couple of years ago. No more attraction to OB, anymore, cannot call it “home” again.So, first to Costco to fill up on expensive California gas, Costco always has the lowest prices, though (the high cost fuel is the main reason I am leaving the state.) Then off I went to the Linda Vista Library, to get online, which would be on my way east, the direction I was heading next.Being about 9am, the library did not open until 11:30, so I looked on GPS for another one down the line, they also opened at 11:30. Further east I found one open earlier and went inside to the warmth.Libraries are always clean and nice, and most are well heated, so, my home(s) away from home? Also, I drive my home to get there, if you think about it.
So, today is New Year’s Eve—what to do, what to do?My friend Lynn Montague and I graduated from Point Loma High the same year. She lives about 50 miles east from where I was. I sent a message and she let me know she was making banana muffins and to come on out, so I did.
After being together for 13 years, Lynn and Mike were happily in love, looking forward to a great future. Seven years ago, like me, Mike was hit by a truck. But, unlike me, he did not survive. Because I saw that Lynn was still grieving, and he was the only one for her, I did not pursue Lynn in any way. I saw a love for life between them.There is a Casino within about ten miles, she suggested we drive out there. She used to come out often, now, without a car, she doesn’t make the trip so often. She knew many of the bartenders and people there. I had one beer, Lynn had a number of drinks and had a good time.We left there at about 9pm and came back to her house, a mobile home-trailer. She has lived out here for over thirty years, way out in the boonies. Why, lookie there, Mexico is within throwing distance of hurling a rock. I slept through midnight till the morning on New Years, hope you had a festive time.Because she lives out in the wilderness, I knew that I would find plenty of wood for my wood stove. I did, of course, and packed up many many pieces.I will be helping Lynn with some fixing of the place and building other stuff for her. I appreciate her letting me stay over.But, stay over until what? Once again, with no schedule and no direction, I don’t know where to go. Yet, I do know I want to stay south for the warmth. Any suggestions?1/1/20—Those numbers were fun to write. Finally into the year 2020, what can I (we) expect for the future?I stayed around Lynn’s and worked on things, and, I went out into the brush and got dry wood us use as fuel for my stove.1/2—Not much to do around here, out away from all. Lynn has no wifi, I am so used to easily getting online and getting news and connect with people. It gives me time to write these words, though. I use LibreOffice to write, a great program to use offline.Lynn is having trouble with the new management of the land her trailer is on. The guy says she owes money, she has receipts, though, that she doesn’t. The guy, Robert Mark Warren, even told me to leave the property and threatened me if I didn’t. Because our phones don’t always connect, I am fearful of harm coming, yikes.We had gone to a local library (well, ten miles away) and I did some work on my computer. When we returned the people at the land where she is living had put up a sign that said, “Visitors park your car on the street” so I could not drive through to where she lived, we had to walk.1/3—WOW, last night was a nightmare. One guy came over and demanded rent payment. Lynn had a receipt that they owed her money. The guy didn’t even listen and said that I had to leave, as well.These five guys and a lady (if you could call her that, missing her two front teeth and all) were like miserable hillbillies who, together, had a very low intelligence level. So hard to deal with people like this. Yet, they scared me and I was worried that they might do damage to my van.At one point Lynn and I were out and the six of them came toward us, two carrying metal poles and a scary look.I had Lynn call the police and get their help out here. Eventually, they showed up, but, Lynn, being at the back of the lot, was last in line to talk to. The hillbillies told some lies, like I was trying to run over them with my van.The deputy sheriff basically told Lynn that the best thing she could do was to find a new place to live. I agreed with that.Lynn had asked me earlier if I wanted to get away from there and go with her to spend the night at a motel, I said yes. But, later, she said she was staying because she was in the right. She was very stubborn about it, too.I suggested again that we do not sleep around these people, that we should go away until things have calmed down. I even said we could both sleep in the van. She would not have it.A bad thing is, she kept drinking her whiskey and getting drunker. I had told her earlier that is she kept up the drinking I would not be around. So, with those two factors, I told her I was leaving and wished her well.I kept everything in the van, not knowing when I would leave, but being prepared to.To get out the gate you have to have a key to unlock. I did not want to walk all the way back to get the drunken Lynn, so I found one of the hillbillies and asked if he would open the gate. Five of them came out to confront me and said bad words. Eventually, they did open and I walked over to my van.I did not want to leave Lynn to handle this herself, but I had no choice.Having no idea where to go, I set my GPS to the library we were at yesterday. That is where I slept, very cold last night, too. I have enough blankets and a warm sleepie bag, the hard part is breathing the icy air.A lot of the night I just laid there, I did get some sleep, though. The library opened at 9am and that is where I am now.===================My Challenge for You this Week >>Start writing that book you have been wanting to put together. Writing a book is just a matter of organizing words in a logical way. When I write books, I am constantly asking myself, “How will these words help the reader?”Here are some steps >>- Pick a subject you are close with and know well.
- Pick a title for your book (this will give you motivation toward the book.)
- Write a table of contents (This can always change, as all can.)
- Study books and videos on your subject.
- Start adding to each chapter, which will grow and grow.
- Organize each chapter as well as the whole book.
Once the book is out, send it out to get reviews (that is the main way I was about to sell over 25,000 copies of my first book, “Juggling with Finesse.”)===============Next Blog >>Heading back to the LOWs group near The Salton Sea in California, then I do not know direction after that. Also, I have no more perishable food in the van, so I will not eat, starting tomorrow, anything, but I will be drinking green tea. I plan to do this drawn-out fast for a week. I will let you know if I die.===============January 3, 202000BLOG 47—Back Home to San Diego
The Wanderings of Kit (Do you wander or just wonder?)With my words, I hope to throw some oblique light upon your soul.By writing this blog I want to inspire you and show you that–YES—YOU CAN > >• Change your life at any time to make it more magnificent!• Live with little money and still have an excellent life.• Be able to live life getting very little sleep.• Live ANYWHERE in the world and still make your life a fantastic event!• See experiences that will add to and make your life better.• I want to inspire you as to the wonders of the earth.• Perhaps this is my new “gig”, traveling the world doing the same?• And, I’m not just, “Kitting Around”.Design the life YOU want to live, NOW, then live that life.************************************************Remember, to read past blog posts, go to https://kitsummers.com/blog/***If you are reading this through Facebook, check out my blog on my website.***If you are not my Facebook friend, yet, please befriend me.***The freedom I am experiencing in my travels is a marvelous thing.***Going where I want, when I want and seeing wonderful places and people.***I will have places to show you and tales to tell.***I will have secrets to unfold and good news!I’m glad to take you on my journeys with me!********************************************* *********************************************As you might know, I grew up in San Diego and it is always home to me. I decided to come here to spend Christmas, although I don’t know where. Perhaps it will be chicken tacos in the van like I did a few years ago.But, it is back to a big city for me? With Christmas coming up I have no plans, hoping something might materialize for me in SD.Solitude—For me, isolation is when I find myself (not that I misplaced me.) All by my lonesome out in the wilderness seeing the world as it is. Often I cannot let anyone else in (except you, of course.) I find that I (we) need to depend on ourselves. Maybe that is why I have had trouble in relationships?
I’ve also heard that truly creative people over time are often loners. That creative people often fail to make mature personal relationships work because that is something they trouble focusing on. Staying in isolation, by choice. Is that me? “hmm”.Of course, this brings my mind back to Tina. In a recent communication with her, I let her know that I was questioning if I even wanted to be alive. She did not respond, at all, did not care? I thought we once had something big, I guess it is all forgotten and thrown away by her now.Then I sent a Facebook message saying, “I am so happy you and Bob are working well together, Tina.”After I sent that she abruptly blocked me. So, I now have no way to even get word to her or find out how she is. How did our strong love turn so quickly to strong hate on her end?A strong friendship/love was generated between us, it seems now it is all just thrown away. That’s enough about that segment of my life, time for me to move on and away from memories like that.And, away from relationships, remember, I “chose” to be in the wilderness rather be in the discontent of being in ANY city. Cities are so jumbled and can be so hard. And, most of the time, they all have the same stores and the same look.Give me trees and a trail to a paved road any day. The massive scale of the beauty of the wilderness is overwhelming. From peak to peak, from river to river, from lake to lake, keep me in that environment and I am happier.
I know that I could never again fit in with the humdrum life of living in any city. Having lived in cities most of my life, I like a forest much better—birds in the trees, pine needles overhead, critters on the ground.It seems to me that most all cities are the same, with the same stores and all. I like to get out and really taste life and all that it has to offer.People like the trustworthiness of having—“a job”—in a city, but is that real life?For me, an open road lures me at all times. I have been thinking more and more I will be a lone wanderer going from wilderness to wilderness for the rest of my living days. Will you stay with me through this blog?I was never satisfied with the life that so many people choose. I desire to live with more intensity and variety out in the woods or by an ocean.In fact, I would love to die in the wilderness. To be in a grave or be burnt up makes no sense to me. A grave just takes up space of the earth, and cremation is a waste of your energies. I want to die in a remote wilderness area so, that way, all the animals and bugs can feast on my carcass as I nourish them.With all my writing of wanting to be alone in the wilderness, I also want to have a purpose in life. I hope this blog does just that. If you know me, you know that I have never believed in any God. I think that when you die—that’s it—finito. Many people seem to have a hard time realizing this.But, until that time, I want to find as much joy in life as I can, as I try and bring as much joy to others as possible. I think this is a way that everyone should live their life.As you know, I have been traveling. Recently I found videos of this guy who is riding his unicycle across the US. As you know, I ride a one-wheel, this is much, though.Yesterday I stopped to see my friend, “Sabel Aguilar. I have always been impressed with his work ethic. He started and built a magnificent company – Kings Printing – even being able to keep things going through and with self-printing.If you are in need of printing of any kind, go to Sable, he will do you very well.=================Words to inspire you!1) Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible…2) Change your thoughts and you change your world…3) I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination…4) The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today…===================MY DAILY JOTTINGS >>12/15—Trouble with the van. The check engine light came on and I know that Autozone will check it for free and let you know. At about the same time my radio stopped working. Now I was getting scared.I went to two different Autozones to have them check it, their reader did not show a thing. And, the tried with four different readers at each. Yikes, I even became more scared. The van drove alright, though.
Another problem that has been persistent for about a year, sometimes when I turn the key to start the van, it seems to go into a mode where it does not run right. In this mode, the radio and turn signals do not work and the electric system seems a mess.I don’t know if these two are connected, but I am scared of seeing high van repair costs and/or the van will no longer run. If I have no van, I have no home. Hard to get this though through my head to look for alternatives.Beyond shame, I shed tears and went through a multitude of self-pity at my predicament.Right now I am at, LOWs in Slab City, you can have mail delivered. I had ordered 22 copies of my book, “Accident”, and they arrived. I got the box when we were all together in the main room. I handed out a copy to each of the seven people there to take a look and to read the back cover.As some read the words on the back cover, they sort of laughed and said, “How can you tell people how to live when you live like you do?” And, “Why are you not finding the success that I write about in the book?” And, they have a right to question and to laugh.How can I inspire people to change and find a better life when I live the sad life that I am? The books I wrote are packed full of ideas to advance, why am I not?Who am I trying to fool?Or, am I the fool?I just heard an ice cream truck? Yes, it was, way out here in the slabs. Actually, he had many takers and sold a good amount of ice cream (for a very high price.)
Last night I tried to teach five of the guys how to juggle with scarves. They really had no interest or desire in learning the skill. It made me sad that they would not even try. Personally, I love learning new things.And, I drove the van up onto the slab (the cement is flat and clean), took everything out, and cleaned and organized the inside. I like to do this every week or two. Yes, it is much better now.
And, this morning I cleaned myself. Set up the shower early to get warm from the sun, I feel like a new man being very clean. Also, I used my charger and trimmer and gave myself a haircut. Feels nice.Then, to end the day, I built a big fire out by my van, all by my lonesome, I enjoyed that.12/16—I’ve heard that Slab-LOWs closes down in the summer—it just gets too darn hot. Some of the guys told me of locations up north that they travel to in the summer.Today a very cold wind is blowing hard, keeping me inside while working on this.Also, during the day most people don’t show their faces. Many of them have motor-homes and stay in to watch TV or get on the internet. Because I do not have a TV and cannot connect to the internet here, I have been getting quite bored.Because of nothing happening during the day, I am thinking of heading out today toward the San Diego area. I still have nowhere to be for Christmas, I guess I will just be alone.One good thing, I had purchased a flint and steel to start my fires. So, no more cost for matches or lighters or fuel. It works great, using the fire starter pads to then start the wood.I do want to let you know, every day I am lifting weights and riding my bike, so, getting some exercise. I also brush my teeth every night before sleep.Yesterday I worked for a time on my juggling, which, surprisingly, is improving. I had a problem with my left-hand throws—getting over that now—makes me happy. I do not see that I will ever be a performing juggler again (maybe part of my inspirational speaking?), but, personally, it feels like an accomplishment.Did you ever see my show from the 1980s?There is a certain “flow” when you do good juggling. Up until now I never could find that flow I once had with my hands (really, my brain.) Lately, I have been experiencing this flow (sort of), as my juggling is getting better.So, right now I am in quite a bind. Should I stay here in the safety and security of being with the LOWs group, or should I venture out to find somewhere to get the van repaired and running right again? Hard to go forward without knowing anyone out there, but, that is the life I choose.Along with the van trouble, I thought I had lost my glasses. I looked everywhere, for at least an hour. Turns out they were in my jacket pocket after all. The bad words I said to/at myself were not nice.About the van, I found a small repair place (very busy) and David said to return at 1pm. He put the van electrical system on a scanner, found the bad fuse, and fixed it. He also reset the check engine light. After doing this, and mainly he relieved my fears, he only charged me five bucks. (I was expecting it would be hundreds of dollars to fix.)So, I am happy once again in the van, and feeling very relieved. I even had thoughts that the van was kaput. I remember I just wrote recently I needed to have better control and negative thoughts that come up, I learn again.12/17—Lynn Montague and I went to high school together. She lives in a town called, “Boulevard”, about seventy-five miles east of San Diego in the high desert. I stopped to see last time I was passing by, I stopped by this time, too.About thirty years ago she got tired of living in the city of San Diego and decided to move out here. Lynn now lives in the wilderness, about a football field away from Mexico, you can see the “border fence” from her home.In the past, she has had some illegals passing by going into the US. Border patrol did not seem to do anything, at the time, to keep this in check. She does keep a gun by the door to her fifth-wheel trailer she lives in.In the afternoon Lynn made some Peppermint Schnapps with Mexican chocolate. The taste is quite good. I believe I will have another.12/18—Today we went to some stores and did laundry. Lynn has no car and counts on others for help to get her places. This seems to be working well for her, that’s a good thing. Today I was happy to be her driver (I did my laundry, too.)Thank you, Lynn, for letting me stay over.When we got back I put up some small shelves for her, and, because she is scared of heights, I got up on her roof and fixed/tied down some wires that made noise when they blew in wind.After that, off I went to visit my home city.===================My Challenge for You this Week >> Spring will be here soon. Time to plant your vegetable garden. Home-grown vegetables and fruits taste soooo much better.As I have written before, I think the “common” thing of having “grass” is such a waste of space. We could feed the world if everyone grew fruits and vegetables instead of grass.===============Next Blog >> Learn of my Christmas doings, as I learn of yours. (And, by the way, MERRY CHRISTMAS!December 20, 2019BLOG 46—A tramp in a vehicle?
The Wanderings of Kit (Do you wander or just wonder?)With my words, I hope to throw some oblique light upon your soul.
By writing this blog I want to inspire you and show you that–
YES—YOU CAN > >
• Change your life at any time to make it more magnificent!
• Live with little money and still have an excellent life.
• Be able to live life getting very little sleep.
• Live ANYWHERE in the world and still make your life a fantastic event!
• See experiences that will add to and make your life better.
• I want to inspire you as to the wonders of the earth.
• Perhaps this is my new “gig”, traveling the world doing the same?
• And, I’m not just, “Kitting Around”.
Design the life YOU want to live, NOW, then live that life.
*********************************************
***Remember, to read past blog posts, go to https://kitsummers.com/blog/
***If you are reading this through Facebook, check out my blog in on my website.
***If you are not my Facebook friend, yet, please befriend me.
***The freedom I am experiencing in my travels is a marvelous thing.
***Going where I want, when I want and seeing wonderful places and people.
***I will have places to show you and tales to tell.
***I will have secrets to unfold and good news!
I’m glad to take you on my journeys with me!
********************************************* *********************************************
I don’t think I am a tramp in a vehicle, what do you think?
I am just another one trying to make sense of the world.It seems my life is an odyssey in the fullest sense of the word. An epic journey going down a path no one has tread before.
Master of your own destiny, is this a good thing or bad? As you know we are each in charge of making the life that “we” want, designing our own future as we go.
My journeys make me feel unheeded, happy, near the heart of life.
As you read, in my last post I was quite down, it showed in my words. Doing much better now. Thank you for your concern and for contacting me, Mark, Chris, Allan, Sandy, April Du, Dick, and a few others who put in a good word.
Especially thank you, Dick Franco, who reminded me about my age.
As an older juggler, you lose so much, as I have and as Dick has (but I still feel age 23).
He is on YouTube and the internet.
Find him, an amazing juggler.Mark, thank you for showing respect for my non-belief.
I went out to practice my juggling, got bored after about ten minutes.
I brought my unicycle out to practice, did not feel comfortable riding it.
Then I cried.
Strange, I do not know where I fit in the world without juggling. The skill has been such a big part of my life, with the books I wrote and the skill I possessed.
But, you have to remember, I was a “real” juggler for only about six or seven years. I learned at the age of 15, then my big accident was in 1982.
I never could live a modern existence. The route I choose was of a unique variety that was quite hard and continues to be. But, most of the time, it satisfies my mind. It is a stubborn idealism that leads me. For the thrill, the challenge and the adventure.
Speaking of challenge, I would love to go through Alaska and then walk into Russia. I would HAVE to learn the language and then find a way to get by. I mean, I would just disappear from my current life. Could make a great book?
Where do I fit into the world? I have no home and few friends. I have been wondering that, much. But, really, each of us lives a solo life that we let a few people in not and then. I feel like I am an outsider now.
Sometimes I wonder how it might be if I had died in any of the accidents? How would people’s lives be different? The world without my wonderful daughters, Jasmine and April? hard to imagine. How about the friends I have/had, how might they be different?
And, with my limited sleep, nights are difficult. I lay down between 8 and 10, but then I awaken, often, between 2 and 3am, then up for the day I am. I have to wait until about 6 to start doing things when the sun comes out.
Just laying there, my mind often goes down a dark path as I think bad thoughts. These thoughts, at times, seem to be controlling me.
Have you seen me juggle while in the show at Ballys?
Do a YouTube search for my name and you see a few videos.
Be sure and let me know what you think.
But, in thinking about it, juggling doesn’t really matter. Really, NOTHING matters. I’ve discovered if you can find joy in life and is a great thing. Aim for joy, nothing else matters.
With juggling and other things, I’ve always wanted forward movement and not a calm course of existence. Advancement, danger, excitement, and love have always been important to me.
I guess what I am doing is called retirement? As I wrote in my last post, spending time until I die? I don’t think I like it, this age thing. I want to accomplish so much more before I am gone. I hope you are enjoying reading my blog posts, which is important to me.
Security, conformity, conservatism—who needs it? You will have peace of mind, but, in the broad-view, you are harming the adventurous spirit that resides within you.
Open up, set it free, doing so will release you to an expanded life—which everyone wants. The passion for adventure is where you find real life.
I’ve written of death a few times. It makes me sad that we all have to die away, but it is coming. The hardest words you can hear – “Your mom died.” These words are too big to fit into your ears.
A couple years ago my mom died, a total shock to me, I was not ready for that. I just thought mom would always be there. I think of so many lessons I gained from her, and the love. Many great memories set for life. I would love to hear about your mom.
Mom’s humor, warmth, and motherly wisdom did much for my life. I never told her that, which grieves me to this day.
In the last years of her life, mom played the card game solitaire endless times. I could tell she was “spending time” before her death. I don’t want to do that.
My dad died when I was only six. How might I have turned out if he had lived? He was in his forties and crashed while riding in a helicopter working for the state of Oregon.
The day it happened, I guess my mom called the school to have them send me home. When I arrived, I thought my mom was laughing hysterically, but it was tears. A strange feeling at the age of six. I was too young to know what these would set my future life.
So many people live their lives in unhappy circumstances and yet, do not change. They are conditioned to follow a path that keeps them away from change and/or improvement. That makes me sad.
The slabs—An old navy airbase that had been abandoned and destroyed. Each slab is quite large, where they are not ruined. So, a one-mile by one-mile grid of empty foundations with desert plants growing amongst them.
This video will show you the craziness of the slabs >>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIbVfPEjDxIAnyone can come out here and live – at no charge. And, I would think, there are some people who are in trouble with the law hiding out here?
This group I am with I found through the internet and joined them.
Take a look >> https://www.facebook.com/groups/LonersOnWheels/
Great to be with you John, Jim, Jane, Rick and others of LOWs.Just so I don’t use the battery while out in the slabs, I have been handwriting notes that I will type out later.
Strange here, in the evening we hear a US Gunnery Range base shooting off bombs. Why do that waste time and energy like that?
There is even a school bus that comes through to take the children to school. So, yes, it is a real town.
People help each other much here, I like that. Many nights everyone gets together at 4pm and has dinner together, then, later, at 6pm, we all play the card game 31. Always the same game, the enjoyable talk is what is good about it.
Here is the group I am with >>
https://lonersonwheels.com/index.htmlBut, they need your help.
This was just posted by John Schreiter of LOWs >>
Slab Lows needs your help. For 40 years LOWS has had a chapter camp in Slab City CA and hundreds of LOWS have enjoyed the weather and camaraderie, but a combination of smaller membership, poor management and increasing expenses have put us in a tough spot. On top of that all our trailers were vandalized and stolen from this past summer. Thieves even stole our two refrigerators and volunteers put in hundreds of hours repairing damage. We think that having a camp here is good for LOWS and we want to continue – but – our treasury has bottomed out and we are reaching out to all LOWS and especially to our Slab Low Alumni for a donation. Right now, we need to raise $2,000 for new batteries and a used refrigerator. If you want to see Slab Lows continue as a vital camp for single rv’ers, please send a donation to Slab Lows c/o Jim Tangen, P.O. Box 190, Niland CA 92257. Thank you!I hope you can help out.
Yes, I am saving money by being here, but I am getting bored during the day.
On my way within the week before, I stopped by many food banks and picked up many things. I brought all these in to share with the group, with others in the area.
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Words to inspire you!
Smile through hard times.
Smile through the best of times.
Nothing else really matters.
Except for finding joy in life.
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MY DAILY JOTTINGS >>12/7-9—Moving in California, but still south in the warmth.
12/10—Like most days around here, today is a bright blue sky with the sun bearing down. While so many places in the US at this time of you, the cold is in charge. Interesting being in this domain called The Slabs.
Today I used Jim’s ax to chop wood to use in my stove. This stove is amazing, providing heat for the van, too. I use the stove inside the van to boil water in the morning for tea. It also heats the van. There is a gallon jug of water within two feet, so I feel safe.
12/11—Jim made spaghetti for the group, I must say, this was the BEST tasting spaghetti sauce I have ever tasted. He had some extra and gave it to me to enjoy later.
It’s been a few days, shower time. I set my shower back on top of the van in the sun for a couple hours. After waiting an hour or two, I experienced a very hot shower. One side of the shower back is clear, the other black, so sun and heat gets focused. It can get quite hot. Out in the desert, naked to the world, clean now, I feel fantastic.
12/12—Feeling angry today, at myself and my life. I’ve written before that I have never been happier. But, right now, I don’t know if I have ever been sadder. Normally, I open the side doors and chase flies out of the van. I like to let life live.
What was strange was that today I killed flies outright, I was surprised at myself. I swatted them with anger. I was just not caring if they died, in fact, I tried hard to kill them. While I was doing it I felt no remorse, at all. I was angry at myself and took it out on the little flies.
By the way, at night flies seem to just go away. Where do flies go at night?
One thing that made me angry was the loss of Tina, yes, it still holds on. It has been a year out, too. She even blocked me on Facebook, I have no way to get a hold of her. We were together for about eight years, and I thought it would be for a lifetime. She is already engaged to marry another guy, who also blocked me on Facebook.
But, I have gone through relationship loss before. Mary Ellen and I were married for 23 years and been a couple for about 28 years. She was the love of my life. Then we broke up and I was devastated. Along with Mary Ellen, of course, I lost my family unit, which was so very important to me.
I’m not going to bore you with a list of my loses in life, but, just know that it has been sooooo many. Yet, I know that you have had loses in life, too.
Enough about death and loss, you will read much happier words next week. Until then, smile all you can.
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My Challenge for You this Week >>
This week, attempt one thing to radically make a change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you have hesitated on or previously never thought of doing.
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Next Blog >>
Hope to have happy words for you.
+5December 13, 2019BLOG 45 — Spending time until I die?
The Wanderings of Kit (Do you wander or just wonder?)
By writing this blog I want to inspire you and show you that–
YES—YOU CAN > >- Change your life at any time to make it more magnificent!
- Live with little money and still have an excellent life.
- Be able to live life getting very little sleep.
- Live ANYWHERE in the world and still make your life a fantastic event!
- See experiences that will add to and make your life better.
- I want to inspire you as to the wonders of the earth.
- Perhaps this is my new “gig”, traveling the world doing the same?
- And, I’m not just, “Kitting Around”.
Design the life YOU want to live, NOW, then live that life.
*********************************************
***Remember, to read past blog posts, go to https://kitsummers.com/blog/
***If you are reading this through Facebook, check out my blog in on my website.
***If you are not my Facebook friend, yet, please befriend me.
***The freedom I am experiencing in my travels is a marvelous thing.
***Going where I want, when I want and seeing wonderful places and people.
***I will have places to show you and tales to tell.
***I will have secrets to unfold and good news!I’m glad to take you on my journeys with me!
********************************************* *********************************************
Being out in the wilderness away from wifi and electric, I could not get my blog out to you last Friday. I am wondering if anyone noticed the weekly post missing?
Did you?
Be sure and let me know.Spending time until I die? That is not how I want to do with my life. With this blog I want to motivate, to encourage you to reach a higher level with your life. Myself, not accomplishing much this week, that hurts. Spending time.
Yet, that is how I feel lately >>
Time cleaning my van.
Time juggling.
Time organizing meals.
Wasting my time????
And, the important thing, time writing to you.
With this limited time on Earth, currently, I do not feel I am doing enough.
Do you look at your time in that way?I still picture myself as a talented young juggler, yet, now I am old and can hardly juggle. I did not like myself very much when I looked at the broad picture. I was a middle-aged (or higher) man traveling the country while I get supported by SSDI.
In fact, I had been working on my ball juggling while in the van sitting on my bed. It was going very good. I decided to work on my club juggling outside. It went terrible. I took so long to do ten throws from the right hand and my fancy finish.
I would mess up, I would say, “fuck you” to myself. Yes, self-anger. Like my believing my mom would never die, I always believe I will get my juggling back. What the hell am I doing, wasting my time until I die?
As happened last week, for some reason, when I email you the link to my blog, some come back saying the email was blocked. I try again from a different connection, and more go through. Do you have any idea why this might be happening?
If at any time you don’t get a notification on the release of the blog, you can always go to kitsummers.com/blog to read the current (and older) blog. The blog comes out every Friday, except this one. As I wrote above, I was not near any wifi to get my blog to you on Friday, so, here I am.
Lately I have been writing of death and dying, something each of us will eventually go through, yet we seldom talk of death. With all my loses in life and mistakes made, it would be an easy way to not deal with things any more.
Yet, I have come to the decision that that would be a lazy and easy way out, I am up to continue the challenges that life brings upon us. My mom died a couple of years back, this made me realize that death is coming. She was dying in San Diego, I was near Allentown, Pennsylvania.
The whole time she was in the hospital I never imagined that the last of her days was coming soon. No one contacted me when she finally did die, I had called the hospital to talk with her, the nurse said, “Didn’t you hear? Your mom died.”
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Words to inspire you!From my book series, Beyond Your Potential.
“After my big accident, when I loosened up and brought on fun and play in my life, I saw the most progress in my life. Let go of some of those adult feelings that hold you back in your life.
You can still be mature about your responsibilities on the job and with your life. By bringing back the fun, the curiosity, and the joy, not only will you have more delight in your life, everyone you deal with will loosen up.
We live in an age that requires change, innovation, clear thinking, and creativity. The factors involved in humor require similar skills – play, exaggeration, associative thinking, reversal, developing spontaneity and comic vision.”
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MY DAILY JOTTINGS >>
11/30—Spent most of the day at the library. I worked on my juggling out on the grass, spent time on my computer, and more time thinking of you.
12/1—The day was spent doing some juggling and much time on the computer. It is now 6:14pm and I will go out soon to find out where I will park to sleep tonight. Feeling strange about that, feeling very alone and homeless, for some reason.
This is the shower system I set up
12/2—When you awaken at 2am and know you are up for the day, you have much time to spend doing “what”? Then my mind went toward a negative tilt, all kinds of dark thoughts came in. A hard thing to go through.
The last question in my mind – “What am I doing with my life?” Questioning life and my living lately. It seems so much easier to fad out and go away. But, I’ve said that before, I am still here (really.)
Strange, I have all day with nothing to do, just wondering how I will be setting things up. I am still in Tucson awaiting some mail, and on Wednesday I can go to the food bank to get some more.
I’ve thought much about Tina today. I am so happy her and Bob found each other, they will be marrying. But, my mind goes both ways, she has cut me off and will not connect with me on any channels, which hurts, much. I will always want the best for her, but I still cry.
Then I thought about all the people who no longer like me (yes, getting down on myself, much.) Some old friends who I thought were friends for life, no longer want to connect with me. Most of these people I do not know what it is that keeps them away. There I go again, downing myself.
I’m glad you are there and like me.
If fact, I do not even know why I am writing about my troubles, we all have them. I guess I am just letting my thoughts flow.
12/3—As you saw, yesterday I was way down-well-I’m back! My mind is getting back on track and I am thinking much better thoughts.
So, stay with me as I climb out of this hole I have dug myself into. You will be surprised as I climb higher and higher and get happier and happier. I hope my hope and climb out will inspire you to deal with your own difficulties in a good way.
This morning I used my wood burning stove to boil some water while in the van. I opened the side door to let smoke out, and I have jugs of water right next to the table. So, totally safe, and warms the van, too.
12/4—Feeling very strange today. I got my mail (thanks for sending, April. Thanks for catching, Dave) and I feel strange leaving the Tucson area. I’ve been in the area for a few weeks, I guess I will be on to new adventures?
I was going to head east and south, but I heard about a van get together for Christmas in Slab City, California. I just do not know what to do, I feel so lost. May I come to your house?
Still not happy about my life, but I am still seeing a bright future.
12/5—Stayed on a dirt road last night in the desert. Very quiet, calm and dark it was. I do love that. Drove into Gila Bend, Arizona, I like its name.
At the library now, working on some business stuff and writing to you.
And then on to Yuma, Arizona. At the library here, too, spending much time at libraries. As you would know, they are quiet and clean, a home away from home (wait, I bring my home with me.)
In fact, I will be spending the night here at the library. Good night for now.
12/6, 7 and 8—I’ve come to Slab City. I joined a group called Loners On Wheels, they have a get together during Christmas, so here I am. This place, Slab City, is unique.
The military had a base here in the ‘40s and all that remains are the slabs where the building were. The area is owned by California, but it would cost too much to have to clean up; no one knows what the military left underground around here.
There are parts of this place that are somewhat a mess, hippy type people often live in areas here. Quite large, this covers many acres. I am including some photos, have a look.
The other people here have motor homes or a rig on the back of a pickup. Satalight dish and a TV are common. There is no cost to stay here, that’s a good thing.
Initially, I contacted John, who is a LOWs member and here for the season. There are about seven people here, including me, John, Jim, and Jane (all “J”s, boy.) At six in the evening we got together at the main meeting place and played “31”, a card game I had not played before. I did win a few hands.
In the last week, I had gone by some food banks and acquired a lot of food. So, I brought it all into the main get-together place. Tonight, Jane will be making fish sticks and macaroni, which I brought tonight, and Jim will be using much to make our Christmas meal.
Today we went out to a local junk shop, much stuff on tables and the ground, very junky But, I found a rusty metal cookie sheet I want to use to support my new stick-stove while using it in the van. With a piece of wood to go underneath the metal sheet—one buck—I’m glad I found it. I have a gallon container of water within two feet, so it is safe.
This morning I made a batch of my salsa and I have a big bag of tortilla chips for us to consume. So, this evening at the get-together we will do just that. Today is Saturday, we had talked about having a Taco-Tuesday, so I guess we will be having that this Tuesday?
Let me know and I will send you the recipe for my delicious salsa. Quick and easy to make, you will love this tasty brew.
The rains have started. I am in the van typing, I like this. We are all getting together at 4pm, so looking forward to that.
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My Challenge for You this Week >>Change one thing about your life that you do not like, no matter how big or small. We can all do that, and then keep making changes until life gets better and better. Make it a new habit—to get away from, or change, what you do not like in your life. This will bring on happiness and joy that will surprise you.
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Next Blog >>
I have no direction or plans after I leave the Slab, so, be surprised like me.December 9, 2019BLOG 44 — Still in Arizona
The Wanderings of Kit (Do you wander or just wonder?)
By writing this blog I want to inspire you and show you that–YES—YOU CAN > >• Change your life at any time to make it more magnificent!• Live with little money and still have an excellent life.• Be able to live life getting very little sleep.• Live ANYWHERE in the world and still make your life a fantastic event!• See experiences that will add to and make your life better.• I want to inspire you as to the wonders of the earth.• Perhaps this is my new “gig”, traveling the world doing the same?• And, I’m not just, “Kitting Around”.Design the life YOU want to live, NOW, then live that life.************************************************Remember, to read past blog posts, go to https://kitsummers.com/blog/***If you are reading this through Facebook, check out my blog in on my website.***If you are not my Facebook friend, yet, please befriend me.***The freedom I am experiencing in my travels is a marvelous thing.***Going where I want, when I want and seeing wonderful places and people.***I will have places to show you and tales to tell.***I will have secrets to unfold and good news!I’m glad to take you on my journeys with me!********************************************* *********************************************Waiting for some mail to be delivered, it has been nice and warm here in Arizona.I had wanted a nice sunny day to take photos of the inside of the van where I live, and, I have no pictures of the wilderness right now. I am including photos, taken today, I hope you enjoy. I will take more photos of the inside of the van when I have more sunlight.
Much rain this week, not common for the state of Arizona. Also, on Thanksgiving and also the day after, libraries are closed. So, I am spending time at McDonald’s along the way==================Words to inspire you!Some reminders >>1—Your limitation, it’s only your imagination.2—Push yourself, because no one else is going to do it for you.3—Sometimes later becomes never. Do it now.4—Great things never come from comfort zones.5—Dream it. Wish it. Do it.6—Success doesn’t just find you. You have to go out and get it.7—The harder you work for something, the greater you’ll feel when you achieve it.8—Dream bigger. Do bigger.9—Don’t stop when you’re tired. Stop when you’re done.10-Wake up with determination. Go to bed with satisfaction.11-Do something today that your future self will thank you for.12-Little things make big days.13-It’s going to be hard, but hard does not mean impossible.14-Don’t wait for an opportunity. Create it.15-Sometimes we’re tested not to show our weaknesses, but to discover our strengths.16-The key to success is to focus on goals, not obstacles.17-Dream it. Believe it. Build it.18-Creativity is applying knowledge and skills while having fun.19-Optimism is the one quality more associated with success and happiness than any other.20-There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the only way.===================MY DAILY JOTTINGS >>11/23—At the library in Tucson, tomorrow a juggling get-together happens and I will be there. So, I will not drive anywhere at all today, strange for me. I will be in the library on the computer and also out juggling and exercising. It should be a great day.Emotionally, I go up and down, today I am so very happy. Remember, we are always in charge of how we feel, I must never forget that.11/24—Spent the day mostly at the library. The Tucson Juggling Club got together at 10am right behind the library. It’s strange, my juggling seems to be getting better, but Dave Kha and others say that I am still throwing strange with my left arm/hand.I will continue to try and make advancements, but it is frustrating. From my perspective, it seems to look smooth in my eyes, but I am deceived.11/25—Life can be hard when you awaken at 1am and can’t get back to sleep. I laid there and tried for a time, but found I could not get any more shuteye.I decided to go to a McDonald’s and could get on their free wifi in the parking lot. Surprisingly, I found this one to be open 24 hours, so, I am in the warm typing to you online.
Feeling like a homeless man, yet, I am not.I have my home with me, always, my van.I just checked my blood pressure, which has been high. Recently I went to a doctor and she put me on a second medication. Even with taking this second one, I just checked and my BP was 188/102, which, I am told, is quite high.I actually went to an Urgent Care place to have them check it. Their numbers were much lower. They drew blood and I will be going back in a few days for the results.Also, when I go back, I had asked them if I could bring my BP checking machine to compare it with their results to see if it is reading correctly, I think it is on the high side.The thing is, because of my loneliness and living such a strange life—I really don’t care if I live or if I die. Yes, there will be a time you no longer hear from me. But, perhaps, you don’t care either?
11/26—Getting some things done this morning, then I headed over to the library to get on their wifi. But, I was told it is not working right now, so I am typing to you offline, but plugged into their electric.Before I came in I did some juggling while on the grass. Juggling does not seem like anything to me anymore. I have lost sooooo much of my skill, I can hardly juggle 3 objects.It seems like a waste of time for me anymore to practice any longer. What’s an ex-juggler to do?I’ve been staying near the Himmel Park library, it is quiet, but I can park anywhere to sleep. I stay away from busy streets because of the noise. On GPS I can find residential or business areas that are away from main/busy streets, easy to sleep anywhere.The cockpit, where I run the show.Right now I am at a McDonald’s at about 7pm. Do not know where I will park tonight. Now I am on a busy street, I will have to find a quiet and dark residential place to sleep tonight. It’s kind of exciting not knowing where I will park to sleep at night, and also makes me feel homeless in a big way.11/27—I have been in Tucson for a least a week, too long for me. I am awaiting some mail sent to me by my daughter, April. which should be here in a few days. I could not wait, I had to get out to the wilderness, so off I went toward Red Rock, AZ.I ended up going to https://www.roostercogburn.com/ and found out they will charge twelve bucks just to go in and see the big birds. Then went by Picacho Peak State Park, where they want seven doll hairs to go in. I have gone to so many great places where I don’t have to pay a fee, so I did not do it.
There are my cooler, bed and some of the storage.Of course, getting out of Tucson was much traffic, which I do not like. It got less and less as I went toward the west. As you know, there are McDonald’s everywhere, so I popped into one of the way to write to you.11/28/29—Happy Turkey Day to you. I went to a small town out to the west, but right on I-10. There is actually a McDonald’s here that is open 24 hours a day, even on Thanksgiving, so here I am.Arrival at about 3am (as you know, I do not sleep much) I will be on the internet for some hours. Later I plan to do some biking, unicycling and juggling. Just not sure how the weather will be.Outside is cold, windy and rainy, so I am staying in McDonald’s on my computer. Today I am feeling like I am wasting my life, a strange feeling. The view out the window is of I-10 going between Phoenix to Tucson, very busy it is. All these people have different lives they lead; as you do. What am I doing?
Hard to see, there is me while typing in the van.It was nice taking the 33-mile drive to get here. I am so looking forward to getting back on the road – but to where – I don’t know. Am I trying to run toward something, or away from something? I love to live my life as a grand adventure, I need to get back to that.I have to admit, I had a cry today. As you might know, Tina broke up with me some time ago. I just tried to call to tell her Happy Turkey Day, I discovered she is now blocking my phone calls. Am I that horrible of a person? Tina will always have a special place in my heart. Something else I discovered, she is engaged to Bob Henry, good for them. I hope they develop a great life together.So, that, along with my loneliness, got me sad and brought tears to my eyes. A very gloomy and hard life lately. But, as usual, I will get through it. Perhaps you might send comforting words?
View of my bed, with the table on the other side, I can make this into two single beds,or I have boards that go between to make a full-size bed.Just finished my three spicy chicken tacos, delicious, as usual. You can think of the chicken as a small turkey for Thanksgiving (and, by the way, thanks.)I want to thank my sister, Sandy, and my daughter, April, for helping me in getting through these hard times I have.Spent much time today at McDonald’s on their wifi. I was surprised at how busy it was on this Thanksgiving holiday.
Growing my cilantro, lettuce, and spinach.11/29—Last night I was parked and sleeping in a lot that locks the gate at night. Awoken by the cops at 11pm, they let me know of a lot close by where I could sleep. Surprisingly I did get back to sleep until about 6am, that’s a long sleep for me.Right now I am parked outside a food bank, which, I hope will open at 9am. But, because of Thanksgiving yesterday, they might be closed today. I will wait some more time and see. It’s a little too cold also, may have to find a library soon for the warmth and the wifi.
View of me inside the van typing to you.Rain is coming down nonstop; a very wet day.Drove back to Himmel Library in Tucson. They are closed today, I can reach their wifi from out on the street typing in my van.I look forward to hearing from you, and to writing to you next week.===================My Challenge for You this Week >>Change your attitude!Make yourself have a smile ALL week.Make it a habit!===============Next Blog >> Toward the west and south for me.November 29, 2019
