- No, I have not disappeared, here I am. Sorry I have been adding to this, must make it a habit once again.March 21-30–On this last day of staying with Albert Lucas I saw him do a practice session of his juggling, I am quite impressed. He approaches the practice like a serious athlete would face a tough workout. He stretches and works on his body first, including beating his hands (gently with a juggling club) to get them read to handle the props.I witnessed a true workout, not just the throwing of juggling props around. I remember approaching my practice the same way, a serious endeavor. I also used the same method toward my pole vaulting in high school, where I jumped over 18.6 feet, a school record.In my last post I wrote words on my thoughts on God, again.
March 31–Yesterday I left Albert’s and got on the road toward the east; nice to be behind the wheel once again. I saw there were some national parks on the way, so, of course, tried to find campgrounds. I discovered a road that lead down by a river; a very nice view. I found a place to park on some grass, but the place was a little soggy. Tacos for dinner again, taste so good.I was ready to bed down by the nice river, but then my mind started thinking the worst, that my wheels might sink into the ground and I would be stuck, and I was out away from anything. I decided to pack things up and head out of there. Yes, I did get stuck, as I thought. I went forward, back, forward, back, rocked, rocked–eventually got through the muck–getting back on to better road. This had me scared once again.So, no more unknown dirt roads, and I must be careful where I drive the van.I found a McDonalds down the road that is open 24 hours (now, who would want a hamburger at 3am?) I got on their wifi, then out to the van for sleep. I awoke at 1:30am to get rid of some liquid I had drank earlier, than I thought I would not get back to sleep. I did and sleep until 5am, feel good about that.April 1–No April fools jokes from me (or, am I one?) Today I drove through St. Louis toward Kentucky. On the way I saw on the map there were some national parks and wilderness areas on the way south, so, I had to scout them out. I did find a national forest, did not find any campgrounds.But, I did drive down a dead end dirt road (being careful the road was well suited for my travel) It ended in the wilderness by a small stream, how nice. Here I am for the night–look at me! I did have a couple beers in my arsenal, they calmed me.Funny, I don’t think I have ever been through Kentucky before, surprised at that. So, now I have physically been to all 50 states/My new computer is functioning excellent. A couple hours of battery life, more than my old computer. And, as you see, this one types better and nicer words, too. Thank you again, Albert, for buying this for me.April 2–Arrival in the afternoon at Mammoth Cave National Park. Yikes, I got here on a Saturday, seems everyone wants to arrive on this day–it was packed. I did not want to explore the cave today, just settle into a campground. The first one, near to the cave, had many many people. I kept on to find a more remote place to rest my head. There was one, but as I started to drive there, it was about 15 miles away, too far away for me, in that I wanted to see the cave tomorrow.I saw that a few miles away there was Maple Springs Campground, so I took the turn for that. I was hoping it was deserted somewhat, but as I drove toward it and, as the road started going downhill, I saw a line of cars waiting. There was a ferry crossing across a small river, only about 50 meters across. It was so cute, this little ferry could only take 2 or 3 cars at a time, therefore the line. This ferry was on cables between the two shores. What a wonderful adventure.This campground had fewer people, but too many for my comfort. I expected that there would not be much firewood available around the campsite location, so I stopped along the way and got much. Too much wind for a nice fire, but will wait, but it is already 4:30. The wind stopped and the fire started, comfort is found.As the evening came the wind had calmed and I was able to build a jubilant fire, nice and warm to keep me comfortable into the night. Have you ever been out spending time in the out-of-doors like this? It will bring so much joy to your life, you must. You will see, it is so mesmerizing to stare at a fire, puts you in another world. I still wonder where the wood goes. The fire burns all the huge pile of wood down to just some embers. I know that wood contains much air, but it still surprises me at how it just goes away.Watching the wood burn down reminds me of when I went to Tony Robbins firewalk talk. At the start he had some people start burning a large pile of wood, then he gave a motivational talk for about 70 minutes. He said some great words and by the end everyone there was inspired to take the walk, including me.At the end of his talk he had everyone go outside to where the fire was, just being coals now. The coals were raked out even, then every one of the participants walked across the ten foot long path of coals. The demonstration showed everyone that yes, you can do most everything. I say in my talks–“If someone else can do it, so can you, you just have to find a way.” Therefore, I knew I could make the walk over the coals.I bought an ear of corn to put onto a future fire.I wrote of this before, the best tasting corn there is. Simply place the ear directly on the fire. Turn it once then fetch it out. You will find that the corn is moist and tasty.Many times when I eat corn I am reminded of the old Cheech and Chong bit where one of them says, “I like the corn in there for texture, Ralph.” If you are around my age I am sure you will remember.April 3–Today is the anniversary of when I got hit by that truck in 1982. I think of this day almost like my birthday, important for some reason. I’ve just changed so much since that time, as I am sure you have, too. I’ve been eating a lot of salad, feeling like a rabbit I am. This one has some chicken from when I made tacos, so, a nice taste.Mammoth Cave National Park, here I come! Arriving on a weekend, not so good, many at the park. As you might know, I don’t like to deal with a lot of people, which were here in force. I went to where I was told to find the cave (there were a few to enter) and walked about 3/4 mile, nothing there. I was not liking all the people around and didn’t really want to be there, so I got my money back and departed. I knew I can watch Youtube videos later of Mammoth Cave, I am sure. Take a look:andApril 5–So, I arrive back to where I lived for almost 30 years, near Philadelphia, and I look outside–there is snow falling! This is the coldest it has been in all my travels.Today I had Dave, who has been working on my vehicles for many years, because he is so good, put new front brakes on. Then, I went to see Bill at Keytron Computer, and Mark looked over my new computer and made improvements, such as making it much faster. Right next door to Keytron is a bike shop, I had them look over and improve my new bike, turned out excellent. Also, they put on new handlebars that John gave me, thanks, John! So, much done today, I am happy.Time goes too fast. Hard to imagine that just two days ago I will in Mammoth Cave.Spent a couple days with my daughter, April. She has done so well in her life. So far, she has been to San Diego, Scotland and Peru, at her young age. I am expecting a brilliant future–hear the proud daddy? Have you seen: https://aprillsummers.
- I will limit my words on this subject from now on.
- I am just trying to get people to think more and more completely.
- I am not trying to discount belief in any way.
- Everyone needs to question most everything at many times, I believe.
wordpress.com/Stayed a couple nights in the van in the back of April and Mary Ellen’s home. Good to reconnect with Mary Ellen. We were married for 23 years, but near the end we were not doing so well together. I see how I loved this woman much as we helped each other through life.April 15-17–What a wonderful weekend. Tina and I were together the whole time and our love grew and grew once again. My future with Tina is back, I am so happy. We are making plans a and very superb future together. You will hear more later.April 11-23–Worked at Reece School in New York City with Bruce and his company, circusofthekids.com. We worked with the kids to put together a circus show. The kids loved learning to walk on a tight wire, to hang on a trapez and swing, to juggle, and much more.And, I hope you are happy. I would love to hear from you.Write you again soon>>>>>>>>>>>KitJune 8, 2016
After reading over the blog I last sent, and hearing from Chris Myers on how I could be less depressing in my writings, I have changed my focus–you will notice a change in what you are reading. Thank you, Chris, for helping me get back in the right state of mind.We all have difficulties, we all go through changes, why would you want to read about mine when you have your own. I’ve actually written about this in past books, it is where we focus that makes our life go a certain direction.
If you focus on negative and sad things, and you will often bring that to your life. I have been focusing on the bad, because I am going through much that is not good now, but am I actually bringing more on? I must take back control of my thoughts and mind, difficult, but I must.I wrote in the last blog about how I was walking up some wet steps in New Orleans and fell, my shin hitting an edge and getting hurt badly. After about five days, ecause of the pain in my left leg and my foot turning purple, I found a small hospital out in the middle of nowhere to get it looked at. It seemed that me and just me and one other patient were at Watkins Hospital in Quitman, MS; yes, a strange city name. Was treated by Rushikesh Mehta, MD, and hearing his accent and name, seems to be from India. Seemed that he was the only doctor for emergency, and also the whole hospital (or, hotpistol, as Maryellen used to say.)I had to be there waiting for various things for three hours, yikes.
Just to make sure it was not broken they took several xrays, and it wasn’t, which I knew. As I wrote in my last email, such a strange injury, I’ve not had anything like this. He gave me a prescription for antibiotics and sent me on my way.Losses I had omitted in the last email.
How could I forgot these other major events in my life:
Back to the wilderness, again for me, which, as you know, I love. My Access Card, which gets me into all the National Parks, must have slipped out of my wallet. I called and then went to a forest ranger station and she gave me another card, no charge. You see, everything will be provided, there are no worries. Recently, as you know, I needed a new bike, one was provided.But, we choose what we think are “provided”, when we are in need of so much. There are losses, but there is also good, I must always remember.In this same national park was a superb campground, I must tell you about it:I seldom stay for two nights at a campsite, because this one is so superb and I have things to do, I must stay.Marathon Lake Campground is quite beautiful. Each campsite has a water source, a picnic table and an electric hookup. Then, there are showers and a bathroom building, too. All you need to live is food, which I have. See my juggling clubs in the photo below?
- My father died when I was only six years old. He worked for the Oregon Fish Commission. They had rented a helicopter and pilot and the were looking for log jams on a river. The pilot did not see some high electric wires, they hit them and fell to the ground.
My older brother was taking a bus from San Diego to Baker, Oregon. Because of drugs he was doing so well mentally. No one knows why, but he got off the bus and was hitch-hiking. He stepped in front of an oncoming vehicle and was killed.
About five years after my older brother was killed, my younger brother (who was living in Eastern Oregon) and my older brother’s son were off-roading in a truck. Drinking beer, no seat belt, they rolled the truck, both killed.
About two years ago my mom died from an infection. I never saw life without my mom around, so it affected me deeply and for a time I was devastated
My sister and I never did connect well. After the death of my mother she does not want to connect at all with me now, so another loss.
I must describe how it is right now:
- There is a cool breeze blowing through the trees.
- Tall trees are all around, beautiful to look at.
Birds in the trees are making their bird noises.
Above the trees a partly cloudy sky is overhead, sun popping through now and then.
There are strips of grass down by the lake, you can see my juggling clubs in grass in the photo.
- Some trees are felled nearby, they just leave them as they return into the Earth.
- I am sitting at a picnic table typing these words to you (with a smile on my face.)
- A honking goose just flew overhead.
You might wonder what I could do for two days all day. Here are a few things I accomplished:
- Went for a long bike ride.
- Gathered more firewood.
- Cut my hair (have an electric buzz cutter, I simply put my head down and make sure it all is the same length, turns out nice.)
- Juggled by the lake.
- Read a National Geographic Magazine.
- Wrote these words for you.
- Danced a jig.
- Cleaned my windows in the van.
Made exquisite meals for myself.
My future plans are to visit Gregory at Gballz company while on my way up to see Albert Lucas in Branson, Missouri for a time. Then on to New York City to work with Bruce Pfeffer and Circusofthekids.com. After I wrote a past blog about not knowing of my future, Bruce suggested I could start with them, so I will be starting with them on April 10 in New York City. Of course, you will learn later how it is with me there. A future, makes me happy.March 18-19–Was with Gregory at his Gballz factory and home, http://thegballzfactory.
ashop.me/, what a wonderful place it is. His father-in-law had this undeveloped land and Gregory developed it, in a superb way. His house/factory are build as one, no drywall, all wood, the way I like it. And, he has more land to build more, even a pool if he desires. In his business it is a one man show in making the balls, his wife cuts out patterns and does much more. I must say, I am quite impressed.Gregory helped me with some computer skills I lack, such as learning to put on these photos you see here. Also, with his sewing skills he repaired my sleeping bag, thank you for that, Gregory.And, on March 19 after leaving Gregory’s house, I went in search of wilderness in the Ozarks, and, I just went through an off-road adventure that was quite scary. I set GPS to take me to a campground in the Ozarks, it ended up sending me down a dirt road. This road went downhill and was alright at first, then the road narrowed and started getting rocky (bouldery, too.) I could not turn around anywhere and could not back up the hill, so I had to continue forward–the road got worse.Sending me through one foot deep puddles and small streams on this rain cut gully road, I had to continue forward. GPS showed where I was, and was hard to figure out how to get out, so on I went. On some points there was more than one way to go, I had to guess, yikes. At one point on one side was a bank (no, I didn’t make a deposit) and the other was a drop off (didn’t make a deposit there, either, fortunately.)You could call me the Ozark Mountain Daredevil.
At times I had to hit the gas peddle to make it up the next hill. I was quite scared throughout this adventure, if I got stuck or dropped off the side I would be ruined. Eventually I got to a better dirt road, then a paved road. I could have easily gotten stuck somewhere and I would have no way out. This drive was a nightmare.
Any mistakes and I would be a goner.The van performed off-road superbly, outperforming many four wheel drive vehicles, I would think. It had the 8 cylinder power I needed and got me through some messy road and hills. After I went through this the check engine light was on for a time, but turned off by itself, I may have it checked out. That is the last time I take ANY dirt roads I don’t know about.
Traveling on, as Spring is coming, as I was passing my huge pastures with cows eating of the grass. Each cow eating all day, everyday, what a life. It’s funny, the cows eat the grass and then we eat the cows, why can’t we just eat the grass and surpass the meat stage?How is a huge pasture different from a big lawn. One is for eating, the other is for mowing. Which one is a waste of time? I’ve always disliked lawns, what a waste to constantly be taking care of it. I would rather have the natural look with gardens, rocks and wood.Yesterday was Sunday, I was passing Ozark Mountain Community Church and saw cars and some people going in, I decided to join them. The service just happened to be starting in about 15 minutes, so my timing was excellent (a gift from god?)I’ve been to hundreds of church services and they all seem similar. I attend hoping for some way to believe, to see why all these people are so committed, how is that?Every church service seems the same.There is singing, as people read the words on the screen, for some time. Then the pastor or guy in charge starts his sermon (sad that is always a guy.)The audience is told how they are all sinners and bad and that they need to find god (demeaning and damaging to a human mind, I would think.) Then, of course, the audience is told that the cure is to find god and give money to the church. Seems that all these people attending church need to be reminded each week to believe or they may drop out. Talked into it again week after week.I still cannot accept and believe in any kind of god, it is so against human intellect.I quietly left after and drove down the road.Now on to Branson, Missouri to see Albert Lucas. After arrival in Branson, and my computer would not work! I will write more of that later.Albert is one year younger than myself, and has been juggling since the age of three. Trained by his father who is living in Las Vegas with his wife, dad is 98 years of age, mom is 86. I remember his mom and dad quite well, we first meet at an Ice Capades show in which Albert was performing in 1977. His skills are quite advanced.Here is the show he is in: http://www.dixiestampede.
com/bransonHe is in such good shape, running and juggling daily, as well as performing daily, too. His house is quite nice and only about a one minute walk to the theater, right up a small hill from the show, the perfect location to live. They do have a cat, fortunately my allergies are in check, normally I am highly allergic to cats.As you read, my computer died, it performed so well for me before the mother board said no more. Albert bought me a new one, this one I am typing on now, a Lenovo. I am so grateful for his help.While here I am giving Albert suggestions for improving his act, which he is liking, and says that they are helping, much. Good to see him put into action suggestions I make. Also, I will be helping him to develop a website; surprised he does not have one as of yet. I will write the words, then pass those words on to a website developer. If you know anyone who does good websites, please let me know.I saw four shows by Albert, each one he took on my ideas and his show did get better. In fact, ratings of his show over the last few days show that people loved it. An unbelievable juggler, I saw no drops, quite impressive. He said that, with my help, his show has improved.
In the 1970’s, when I was working on and learning so many new tricks–under the leg, behind the back, over the top–there was one trick that was difficult to name. On this trick, while juggling three clubs, the club is thrown between the legs, from the front, so that the club travels over your hip or shoulder to be caught with the other hand and back in the pattern. A long wording, so I decided to give it a name.
In 1976 I went to see a performance of Ice Capades, mainly to see the phenomenal juggler Albert Lucas, who performed in the show. He does the trick I wrote about in the previous paragraph. Not only was he making the juggling throws with that trick, he was skating in a spread eagle and moving while performing the trick. Right then and there, I decided to call the trick, “Albert throws.” Now, all over the world, people are calling this trick “Albert throws.”
Happily married to Ruth for over seven years, they are great together.March 28–Today Mike Chirrick took me out for lunch, how nice. Both Mike and Albert were juggling idols of mine as I was going through my teens and getting better at juggling. Jon Held and I even drove from San Diego to Las Vegas to meet and see Mike juggling in the 1970’s. We were both quite impressed. Here is Mike, take a look:And, view a video here:Mike is 64 years of age now, living in Branson, and still performing. He tells me his body is slowing down and performing is more difficult with age. A sad part of life for all of us.In looking at a map of the US recently, I see that I have been to every state, including Alaska and Hawaii. Just, not quite sure about Kentucky, so I be going through that state on my way back east.So, ending my wonderful stay with Albert Lucas and heading back toward where I started this drive.Time to get back to the wilderness.I’ll write you soon again>>>>>>>>>>>>>>KitMarch 30, 2016
- My father died when I was only six years old. He worked for the Oregon Fish Commission. They had rented a helicopter and pilot and the were looking for log jams on a river. The pilot did not see some high electric wires, they hit them and fell to the ground.
Had to get this off to you, some people have been asking of me.
Right now I have this massive anger about life, not wearing my seatbelt, not caring.
But, I am getting back into National Park land in Mississippi, I like that.
Sorry there are no photos again, just want to get this out.
March 16–Had to let you know right away what happened when I went before the judge yesterday.
After I had explained everything the judge still found me guilty of leaving the scene of an accident, had to pay $266.
I am so glad it is over, at least. I cannot sleep, again, it is about 1am. Sleep comes very difficult for me anymore.
Now it is 11:01 and I did not sleep last night.
Each time I start a new blog I think of it as going on a new adventure and taking you with me. In fact, I look to make good things happen so that I can write about these experiences for you. Perhaps this writing can work for you? This writing can add to and bring more fulfillment in your life, I would love you read of your doings.
Because of the pain caused by my recent fall and attempt to catch myself using my arm, which was too straight and hurt my ball and socket in my shoulder, I awoke at 1:30am last night and could not get back to sleep. I drove carefully, only about 70 miles, down to the beaches at Galveston. I’ve seen some great sites and hope my camera is working now to share them with you.
In driving south from Houston toward Galveston I hit traffic, much traffic. It is a Saturday and, perhaps, people are getting out of town? As you know, I do not like cities, one big city all the way down.
I went to some beaches and walked–lovely. Now I am in a Walmart parking lot using their free wifi to write to you. This one is quiet, and, because I am quite tired from no sleep last night, I believe I will just stay here for the night, although it is only 3:30 in the afternoon, I think I will go on some walks and such. Also, I have books to read, a pleasant time will be had by me in the van.
Found joy today. I took a ferry ride in the van (no, not a fairy ride.) My van on a boat, can you imagine? From Galveston to Port Bolivar, a free ride. I went up to the upper deck–the sun was shining bright, the wind was passing by as the ship moved forward, we even saw two dolphins pop up for some air–magnificent. Also, I spent some time at the beach, well, the gulf, anyway.
Yesterday I had a nice talk with Tina, boy I miss that women.
Everyday is a new and different adventure. Today I drove toward the east, saw some nice gulf settings. Now I am parked under a big bridge on the water where I will spend the night. New adventures, I love them.
March 6, 2016–Last night, as I wrote, I found a high bridge to park under in which to sleep, very comfortable, right next to the water. Then, today, another ferry to ride, no charge. I am enjoying this adventure I am on.
Was passing by a small library in Cameron, LA and decided to stop and see if they want to buy my books. She said they have a very small budget and did not have funds available. I was probably the only visitor at this library today. With most people having a computer nowadays, libraries and no longer necessary, really. I was at this library for three hours, no one came in. There were two people working at the time, too.
On the internet I searched freecampsites.net and found Rutherford Beach a few miles away. Also, my van gas was on empty, so off I went to get the elixir that keeps me going. After obtaining fuel, I set GPS to a location near where I would find that beach. I had to do some searching, but here I am on this deserted beach. As you know, people pay thousands of dollars to live on a beach–here I am!
Quite windy right now, hoping that will calm down. Having made a dinner of two scrumptious tacos and having a bottle of wine, I am quite content, There are grass fields everywhere, and the gulf, of course, looks fantastic. Clean sand with small waves rolling in, a paradise.
With the wind, it was making noise with straps on the bike rack. As you know, I accidentally ran over my other bike, keeping the bike rack for the next one. Anyway, I was comfortable reading and ready for bed, so, of course, I went outside the van to adjust the straps on the bike rack in only my underwear (under where?) Being on this deserted beach I had to. Felt good, too.
Currently reading The Journeys of Socrates by Dan Millman. I had read his books back in highschool, so good to bring back those fantastic memories of his stories. Such a good writer, you must get his books. Start with Journey of the Peaceful Warrior, then move on to The Journey of Socrates–You will love the read. I connected with Dan, the author of these books, and we did some correspondence, a wonderful man.
To get good used books for cheap go to abebooks.com, you will be surprised at the prices, probably just a couple bucks for each of these books.
So, I have time to spend before I have to back in Mobile for my court appointment, looking for parks and wilderness areas to go to, not much around.
Embarrassed to admit, a couple years ago I applied and started receiving EBT (food stamps.) At about $180 a month, that helped. But, I talked with someone from there today and she said that, because I am not living in Pennsylvania right now, the money for food will stop. Makes me sad, but . . . I do have a way to deal with it though, I will just stop eating, I am seldom hungry, after all.
I must also admit, what a fantastic adventure I am on. Living in the forests, living at beaches, living where I have to, making the most of life right now.
March 8–At 1:30am my bladder told me to get rid of some of the wine, so I did. Then my mind started thinking, I could not get back to sleep. As you might know, I do fine on little sleep, really. I’ve been reading and cleaning the van, it is now 3:30 early morn. I will wait for the sun to make its appearance, then I will be back on the road.
Good thing Google has the ability to write this while offline, as I am doing now.
How do you say, Atchafalaya? This river National Park is the largest swamp in the US. Many different kinds of birds and fish, they take good care of this park. Not having a boat with me, there was not much I could do. I did see some spectacular birds.
March 9–For some reason I have massive anger right now toward life. I want to yell, I want to cry, I want to hurt myself, I want to die. Looking toward the future and not seeing anything currently. A metal pin connection on the battery on my computer broke yesterday, so now I can only use the computer when it is plugged into electric. I’ve tried to contact Tina numerous ways today, I am hearing nothing back. I just hope she is alright and not in a hospital or something.
Kyle’s friend had a bike for me, how wonderful. This will serve me well.
Before I left Kyle’s I was about to walk up some wooden steps and slipped and fell and scraped my shin–badly. This brought the most pain I have had in quite a long time. And, the swelling, yikes, seemed to swell one inch out. I was going to drive myself to the hospital to make sure nothing was broken, but decided against it. The next day my shin was much better. But, it scared me.
Off to Mobile and my friend Lee Miller, who’s house I had stayed at before. Since the last time I was there and taught Lee to juggle with clubs, he bought some, they are small, junior type clubs, be something to learn with. Lee and his wife Claire have a wonderous love for each other, makes me jealous.
For some reason, for the last few days I have had tremendous anger, pain, and fear in me. Along with no sleep last night, this comes from the trouble of losing Tina and from this court date on Tuesday. I really don’t have fear of this judge and what might happen, actually hoping for execution, that would work well for me right now. Strange, I feel like my head’s about to explode. But, I will present my case that I am not guilty and am hoping the judge will understand and release me. You will find out.
Right now it is Sunday morning, March 13, I have March 15 at 4pm to simply sit and wait. There is a chance I might go to a National Park which is 110 miles away, but might just stay in the area.
Steve Harrison, I am glad you are there and often checking up on me. My mind seems to be slipping away in the pain I am going through, who knows what the future will hold for me.
Here I am at McDonalds typing these words for you. At this point I have no family or anyone close; I am glad you are there.
I must say, I am so sick of the accidents and loses I have had in my life. Not wanting to have you feel sorry for me, just to let you know more of my life. I think there are a few you may not have known about, I am embarrassed to tell you, but here are a few:
1982 — Hit by a truck while walking in a bad rainstorm, 37 day coma. Lost my juggling ability and much more.
1986 — Divorced from my first wife, Robin.
1988 — While living alone I was out riding my bike on trails. I took a bump wrong and fell. Broke my shoulder.
1990 — Was riding slowly on my bike and fell to the side, then hit my head. Have had tinnitus since (ringing in my ears.) Right now it is very loud, like when you listen to a seashell, but very loud in both ears.
2009 — Divorced from my second wife, Mary Ellen.
2010 — While riding my bike, hit by a truck, again, his fault, much of my body broken. Lost my ability to run because of a broken knee.
2011 — Had to spend a month in jail on a false charge.
2013 — While riding my bike with a bag hanging down from the handlebars, the bag got sucked into the front wheel spokes and the front wheel stopped, I continued forward over the handlebars to the street, landing on my head–fortunately had a helmet on. Two vertebra in my back and a shoulder were broken.
2016 — Tina left me (basically a divorce), much pain.
Within the last two weeks, fell to the side and tried to catch myself using my arm and because the arm was straight I injured my shoulder.
Within the last two weeks, slipped while walking up some wooden steps and scraped my shin, very bad. The leg is not getting better and now my foot is getting purple. The pain is not diminishing at all, a very strange injury.
Every accident and set back is a lesson (seems as though I am not learning my lesson?) and then I move forward. Yet, too much loss and damage, makes me want to just give up.
With my left leg injured now, and I can’t sleep on my right side because of my brain injury, I am having a hard time sleeping.
I am not liking my life much right now, in any way.
March 14–Still spending time until my court date. Decided not to go to the forest, just staying in the area. This time just waiting is the hardest part. But now, I wish I would have gone to the wilderness.
Last night I spent by a lake, very nice, also very quiet. But, then the frogs started their mating calls–rebit, rebit (and no, I wasn’t attracted to the frogs because of their calls.) It was actually a nice sound to hear. As dusk came they quieted down. Then today I drove to a nice location on the gulf and was parked right at the water. I had crackers, feed one seagull, then about 35 showed up, yikes.March 30, 2016
- Yes, I have chosen this lifestyle on the road. Has it’s ups and downs, but mainly it is a good thing. Still in Texas, I’ve never seen as many pickup trucks in one area as here. I even saw a cop car that was a cop truck. They are everywhere.Still trying to get my camera to work right with my computer–photos coming soon.As my life is evolving I am seeing that a smaller, simpler life, living in the van, is saving me a ton of money, gives me more freedom, more flexibility and less to worry about. Normally, it seems, people want to get more and more and get that “bigger” house and lifestyle.In the 1950’s the most popular size for a coke was 8 ounce, now it is 20 ounce. Houses in the 50’s used to average 1000 square feet, not they average 2700 square feet (remember, I live in my van.) Don’t follow the common path, go smaller and your life will be better. Also, this “large lifestyle” is sucking the energy out of real life. Do like I did, downsize, you will love it.In the US, as people get bigger and bigger they acquire more and more debt, the personal storage industry is a 22 billion dollar industry. People buy and then they store–more and more–what a waste. We can get more and more debt in the form of mortgages and cheap credit with credit cards, which keeps us going, yet sinks us.Also, we use four times the energy than we used to. Along with that, so many of us use our “smart” phones, constantly. People seem to have to be connected–always. Seems that most everyone has one (I still have the old kind of phone that can only does calls and text, I do fine with that.)Yet, so many remain unhappy, this “stuff” does not bring joy. What I am trying to say is be really conscious of what you bring into your life. If you do this you can assemble high quality stuff, going for the best you can get, because, with less stuff, you can have better things.Always remember, we get much more out of life from experiences than we do from stuff.Less, done right, can truly equal more.Feb 15–As I was exiting the last campground I was at they had a shower, so I did. Feel nice and clean right now. Back I go to another city and another Walmart. Even with many locations closing down, the growth of this company is fanatical. Who does not shop for groceries at Walmart? Will they take over the world?After a few days in the city, I had to get back to wilderness, that pleases me. Back to Radcliff Lake campground in Davy Crockett National Forest. When I am in a forest, I feel like I am home. Not running away from the world, but joining the world and nature. Have to admit, I am enjoying a big bottle of wine right now, a raspberry blend, delightful.As you saw, in the last post I wrote about God, once again. I will limit my writing of the subject, in that many do hold onto this hope of God, my goal is no to insult you with atheistic views. I would assume that your faith is strong enough to carry you through some different views that you might read on your God. If this idea of God helps you in your life, that is a good thing.Just this one last thing though, from the book, Mere Christianity, which Steve Harrison bought for me. On page 164 is this: “When you come to knowing God, the initiative lies on His side. If He does not show Himself, nothing you can do will enable you to find Him,” So, what am I to do?
Currently I am wearing shorts and no shoes, very pleasant. Back where I lived for 25 years is cold and snowy, sorry guys.Feb 17-22–Through Facebook I heard from Terry Tidwell, who is married to Chris and is in Texas. In the past he has been a professional juggler/magician in various parts of the country. He saw that I was having a hard time and invited me down to stay with him and his wife in their spare room for a time. What a wonderful thing.Terry is dealing with many medical complications, one of which is cirrhosis of the liver, he is at stage 3 of a 4 stage illness, so he could kill him soon. At age 45, he tells me he has lived a wonderful life.I have been trying to encourage him to push ahead, which he does.Terry is dying, I am not, there is life left to live for me. Recently I had forgotten that and actually wanted death, my view has changed in that regard. We were able to encourage and motivate each other in our short time together.Feb 18–Just heard from my daughter, April, who sent a link to her latest blog. Have a read, she is quite the writer:Last night I made a Mexican dinner for us, turned out quite good. Terry has been a head chef through much of his life. He told me that he would hire me, no question, after he tasted what I had prepared. When I come to stay with you I will make some great meals, too.
My daughter, Jasmine, called me today. I love my daughters so very much.Feb 21–So many changes, so much loss; somehow I have developed this massive anger. I know I wrote before that I did not want to write these kinds of words, and mainly want to provide inspiration for your eyes, but I just can’t hold back my feelings, which would be like lying. Up and down I go, like most of us.Remember, you have to taste sour to enjoy the sweet (when does the sweet come though?)I drove all around trying to find a nice wilderness where I could spend the night. Had to get further and further from Austin. I found a campsite, would have been $15 to stay overnight, $25 with electric. This campsite was so organized, tidy and clean, seemed like a plastic campground to me–did not like.I asked and he told me there was a more rustic campsite about six miles away–I had to go. This was a free campsite right next to the lake. Hard to get to, but so glad I did. I was the only one there, and slept overnight right at the lake, how nice. In the morning I saw a rabbit and then saw a deer, so, well worth going there. Made me happy to be away in the woods.Feb 24–Last night I slept in Austin. As you know, I do not like cities, I had arrived two days early, going to see Peter Davison on Thursday night. So off I went today back to the woods. As I was driving out I stopped for a traffic light, there was guy asking for help money wise. Even though money is tight for me, I gave him a buck, as I often do for people in need.I ended up driving about 38 miles to a state park in the hills and wilderness which I stayed out. On the way out, so much traffic, so many people. Once again, I was the only one at this park, Turkey Bend Campground right near Balcones Canyonlands National Wildlife Refuge. This was right on the Colorado river, very nice.A sad thing, the first thing you have to do when I arrive at your campsite is clean up the previous people’s trash, especially because they use the fire ring for a trash can–idiots.After arrival, you know the routine, first to gather much firewood. Fortunately there was plenty of dead and dry wood available near by. As I am walking through the forest collecting wood, I feel right at home. This takes a lot of work, but good work, I love it. I even took my sweatshirt off because I got too warm.As I was gathering wood I reflected on the beauty of nature.Much nicer than any Walmart of McDonalds, I must say.Being the only one here, I felt free. Strange, to be able to pee anywhere at anytime brings on a strange freedom in my mind.There was a flying bug who landed on the table and was checking everything out, I watched for some time. I remember when I was a kid, like we all did, it was like a game to slap the bug dead. Now do not kill anything, disturbed that I would ever do such a thing.
So, I built a huge fire with the wood I had gathered. As I was taking care of it I was stepping over some logs and lost balance. I fell to the side and put my arm out to catch my fall.Since my brain injury in 1982 I have never been able to land right. Say I jump off of a four foot high wall, I often forget to bend my legs at the knees as I land and land straight legged (as they say, white men can’t jump.) So strange. I used to be able to jump and land quite well, having pole vaulted over 18 feet 6 inches, a school record. So, this is exactly what I did when I put my arm out to the side to catch me, the straight arm effect.After losing balance and falling to the side, then landing on with my arm straight to the ground, I knew that something was wrong. I just layed there for a time wondering what I should do. As I started to move I thought I had broken my shoulder; I got scared, as you know, I was the only one there. In my mind I figured I would type in GPS to find the nearest hospital.So, I started to move my fingers first, then wrist, still laying where I landed. As I tried to lift my arm and move the limb and I felt the joint pop back into the socket. That seemed to do it, I was somewhat better. The pain was much and I took three aspirin. Of course, woke with severe pain in my shoulder, but I was ok to drive out.Drove out this morning, mainly using my good arm, and here I am back at a McDonalds writing to you.A couple days ago I heard from Gianna, who put together my fabulous website for me. She is sent the blog I write and she wrote:“Kit, don’t forget—You’re on the Hero’s Journey!”
Those were good words to read. I often forget that I am not on this journey alone, I am taking you along with me–thanks for being there.In fact, I would love to hear from you, also, please write to me.Feb 27–Arrival in Austin for the juggling festival. Peter Davison (poetofmotion.com) and I took a long walk around Austin, a very nice city (as far as cities go.) We sat on a bench at the Colorado river and talked for a time, a good friend in Peter. He has a room at The Austin Motel and allowed me to use the second bed for two nights. We had a good time in Austin.Feb 28–Happy birthday to me . . . The juggling festival was superb. There was a show on Saturday night that was one of the best juggling shows I have witnessed. Somewhere between 200 and 300 people at the festival, it made for a great time for everyone. I sold some books, ran two workshops and walked around helping jugglers. So happy I was there.To my surprise there was a group of about ten jugglers who sang that birthday song for me, how nice, and I thought no one knew.The streets are set up quite well here in Austin. Most streets in other cities that have parking on the street in angled spaces along each side have it so you pull in forward and then have to back out into traffic when you want to leave. In Austin each space is set up so they are angled so every car backs in, then, when they want to leave they just pull forward into traffic, ingenious. Normally I like to back into spaces, so you are facing the way you will be driving when you leave.Feb 29–Yesterday, through email and Facebook, I heard from over 100 people wishing me a happy birthday. Thank you, I am glad you are there.At the juggling festival I met Martin Hill, https://www.facebook.com/
martinthill, who performs each year at the Texas Renaissance Fair, http://www.texrenfest. com/. We drove through the empty fair and I can see how it would be excellent. I contacted the Manager and suggested I sell my salsa (summerssalsa.com) at the next fair, waiting to hear back.The land where Martin owns is phenomenal. Trees and land, I suggested he build some tiny houses and rent them out during the fair; he could make a lot of money. He loves the idea, I would love to return to help him build and run these.Next on to Houston to see more jugglers.Their juggling club meets on Thursday night, I will be there.March 3-5–Staying in my van (because of their cats, I’m allergic) at home of Jim and Julie Mackenzie — https://www.facebook.com/ JimsShow/timelineLast night, Thursday, we went to the juggling get together meeting of the Houston jugglers. About 15 jugglers were there and I did my 3 club juggling trick workshop. Jugglers picked up many ideas for tricks and advancement, they told me so. A very nice evening.Back on the road tomorrow, I miss the wilderness.Everytime I get back on the road I have fear of new things, and also excitement.On to — Galveston, oh Galveston (you know the words.)March 5, 2016
- Please pardon my panic in the last post. For a couple days my mind was lost in negative thought and I did not seem to have control. I learned much from that on where our mind can take us.
I basically feel that I had an imbalance in my thinking. I’m seeing that as we grow in life we have many problems and pain. As I go on, I am learning and making less obvious mistakes, as we all should learn to do.
After each pain and change in my life, if I learn from it, I become stronger to face the next. Part of me died in that recent depression and pain. Yet, I have taken what I could from that to use the knowledge to help me in the future.
When I was young I thought that life might unfold in an orderly structured way. My expectations and hopes were in order. Now I am seeing that life is like a waterfall–always changing, always flowing, unending.
I see that our path in life is like this, we must learn to flow with the changes. The future is a mystery, the past is a lesson, we must live for NOW, always.
Feb 11–Traveled into the Dallas/Fort Worth area. You know how I can’t stand cities, this one never ends and I cannot get away from it. I drove north, where I saw a couple lakes and thought could find somewhere to park near a lake. After much searching–nothing. I ended up at yet another Walmart, that has free wifi, so I did.
When I go to these places I always find somewhere to park away from traffic and noise. I have covers for all the windows so that no light can come in or go out–pitch black. So, once I am inside with everything closed up and the lights on, I cannot tell where I might be, a park, in a mansion bedroom, or a yucky Walmart.
I do eat healthy. About 25 years ago I started a healthy habit, at about 4pm everyday I eat a good salad, which I still do. Look for organic, when there is. In the van I keep enough food for one to two weeks.
You know I go to McDonalds often for their free wifi, I do not eat the food (please don’t tell them.) For breakfast today it was organic chips and salsa. I do need to start to exercise more.
As far as cleaning myself, I have a deep plastic bowl which I fill with water. I cover all the windows, remove my clothes, and wash my entire body with soap and a washcloth, then rinse the same way. Then I dip my head into the bowl and wash my hair. The process gets me as clean as spending time under any shower.
Also, perhaps you know, most every Walmart has a “family-disabled” bathroom. This is a large bathroom for a single person.. I perform the same cleaning in there. Who needs a shower, that is such a waste of extra water.
Now to the yucky/personal stuff (should I even be telling you this? perhaps you can use the ideas in the future?) To pee I keep a one quart plastic container with a lid that had milk in it. At times I use this even while I am driving. Comes in handy, guys, you may want to get yourself a container to keep in your car. Sorry ladies, don’t think it would work for you. I think I wrote about this previously, a reminder.
We all do it at least once a day, yet it is kept this deep dark secret. When I have to go numeral dos (that’s Spanish for–“numeral dos”), when I am in an area where people can see in, I cover the windows. I place two sheets of newspaper onto the table side of my setup in the van, I spread my cheeks and take care of business (sorry you had to read that.) After wiping with a napkin (thanks for the napkins, McDonalds), I fold everything up and then place it in a trash receptacle. I can’t believe I just wrote that, that’s embarrassing.
No, I guess it’s just life.
After my last (sad) post some of you wrote back about me clinging onto God to get me through. This still makes no sense to me, and here is why:
This God, according to the ONLY source about God, the bible, says there is only one unforgivable thing you can do, that would be a non-belief, such as I have. This also goes with the Qu’ran.
I’ve used something like this parable before. A man kidnaps 3 tennagers and takes them to the forest. He then rapes each one and beats them, finally killing each one. He eventually finds God and becomes a believer. ALL his sins have been forgiven (according to the bible) and now he is free in heaven.
So, he will spend eternity in Heaven with God, while these 3 inocent young girls will spend eternity in hell because they do not believe–just like I will.
Now, do we deserve that?
This idea of a God just does not sit well with me. I’ve tried hard to wrap my mind around the idea of some God here with us–but nothing. I am just asking you to define in your mind what you truly believe, why you can justify belief and why I should also.
Here is what I think:
And, seems the ten commandments are important to believers.Let’s break that down:
- The only reason I go to hell is because of non-belief?
- And, people want me to worship said God?
- I think not.
The first 3 do not relate to life at all, only to this jealous and angry God.Number 4 no one follows, it is just kind of a joke.5 is important and good (and very obvious.)6, 7 and 8 are obvious and followed by all cultures-without the bible.Number 9 is mind control.10 says not to want to use other people’s stuff, which is alright.
The three “Kit Commandments”:
I believe if everyone followed Kit’s Commandments the world would be a better place.
- Do no harm.
- Find much happiness and joy in life.
- Help as many other people as you can along the way.
Feb 12–Too much traffic, too many people, all the main roads are being worked on–I had to get away. North I ventured, found a neighborhood park where I parked for the night. Even a little park is nicer for me than a city.
Feb 14 and 15–Happy Valentine’s Day. Currently I have no Valentine, will you be my Valentine?
Yikes, an awful day. Once again, awake all night, super tired now.
The day started off nice, I was on my way back mentally. I’ve been reading Dan Millman’s books, enjoying much. I read them many years ago, life changing they are. Pick up his book, The Peaceful Warrior, such a good read.
Currently, I am need of life change.
I found a lovely lake, all by myself at the lake. I had to repaint my window covers, so I did; I will tell you more about them later. After painting, I went for a walk/run around the lake, read, and made a salad.Here is the bad that happened:
After my time at the lake I went on to a nice campground and, after awhile I saw the van was not completely level, So I moved it. As I was backing up and heard the crunch.
I had forgotten that I had the bike and unicycle off the van on the ground. Anyway, there was no hope, so I left them at the site hoping someone can use the parts.
I hardly used the bike or unicycle, so they really won’t be missed. But, I stayed up all night, could not sleep, yelling and crying and being upset. I still do not know how to get myself asleep, any suggestions?
With my tiredness, being extra careful driving.
I did not use the bike or unicycle much, so they won’t be missed, but I just feel like an idiot, or am I simply stupid?
Then, in the evening, I went to put up some of the window covers to block the moonlight–they were not there! I thought back and never picked them up after painting them at that lake. I could never had been able to go back and find that lake, so I didn’t.
Too many mistakes, I can’t take much more.
Could I have been the one somehow who made two the accidents in which I was hit by a truck, which ruined my life and continues to.
Ernest Hemingway committed suicide, He’s a writer, I’m a writer–“hum”. No, it is on my mind, but will not occur. Suicide is very selfish and the lazy person’s way out.
I stay alive for my daughters, but, who knows if or when I will ever see them in person again? They are off in the world doing what they do, currently April is in Peru and Jasmine will be be in NYC soon working for Macys.
I guess I have to stay around, who else would write this blog?
My self-esteem and hope are at the lowest they have ever been. I just need to get these words off to you and not sure what will come next.
I have photos, but do not know how to get them to my laptop, I’ve tried and it has worked before. For you, I must learn.
I’ve already picked up more material to make replacement window covers, so off I go to do that.February 18, 2016
- The only reason I go to hell is because of non-belief?