For this blog, I decided to write something daily. With the last posting I put in words all at once, in that we were not traveling. But, I believe, I will develop wording, daily, that will help you to move to a higher level, which is my aim, everyday.
Every day I want to write something toward this blog. I’ve written about this “daily thing” before. When you have a project, everyday do something toward the end result; this will get you there much faster.
You become more comfortable, and, with editing and changing things, you end up with something that is toward the best you can produce. Did you take that in from reading the most recent words sent to you?
· Are you reading my posts? Not hearing from many people.
· Will I hear from you after you read these words?
· Thank you, Larry, for your correspondence; I’m glad you are there.
Hope you enjoyed my last post about death and how you need to accomplish now, while you have the chance.
Tina’s mom is home from the hospital now and needs us around, yet, we can go out for short trips. At the age of 95 she is mainly watching TV most of the day, although she cannot see or hear very well, at all.
You might know, my mom died a couple years ago, which was devastating for me. I did not ever see life without her, so her death hit me hard. Her last years she was watching much TV and playing solitaire with cards, much.
In my last days I hope to keep achieving efforts, but, who can know how it will be in their last days.
I recently posted the following on Facebook:
Staying at Tina’s mom’s house, there were some guys over doing some work. Later, after they left, I discovered a few things missing. One of which was my small file cabinet out of the van which contained important papers. I’m sure they would deny they took the stuff if I were to contact them.
I’m sure that, once whoever took the file box looks through, they will just throw my things away–throwing away my past. Old papers from my childhood and other important papers, along with photos.
I have started my life over again so many times, this does not seem like a big deal to me. Starting again with nothing . . .
Yet, I have anger in me, a terrible thing.
In fact, I forget exactly what I ha d in the file box. Why would someone take it, so many questions, very hard to go through. I hardly got into the small file cabinet, but there were important papers there.
Feeling anger and frustration, but know that life will continue.
When something happens that you cannot control, you just go on with life and try and smile. The important thing is, I still have my mind, which can think well; yes, life will go on.
When you die you have nothing more, things are not important, and experiences are much more significant. You have been learning of my experiences through these blogs, hope you have been enjoying. Make all the experiences you can happen in your life, it will make your life much more grand.
This post holds something I worked on in writing my books. The end of each paragraph leads onto the next section; did you notice? It is a way of using my mind and connecting the two sections; something I enjoy doing, using my mind in a good way.
Until next week, bye for now>>>>>>>>>>Kit
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BEYOND YOUR POTENTIAL
The Comeback Kit,
From Coma to Comedy
BOOK ONE – ACCIDENT
A Series of Books to Change Your Life
By Kit Summers
Chapter 4 – Loss and Growth .
CHAPTER FOUR
LOSS AND GROWTH
“Adversity is another way to measure
the greatness of individuals. I never had
a crisis that didn’t make me stronger.”
Lou Holtz
Loss of juggling ability, loss of being able to see well, suffering from ringing in the ears, loss of being able to run, I’ve had many losses. Loss is a part of life. We must accept loss and learn to use the experience to grow. As I personally learned, after a loss or change, things will never be the same again.
THE GRIEF YOU EXPERIENCE AFTER A SIGNIFICANT LOSS WILL REQUIRE A TIME OF RECOVERY, AND GRIEF DOESN’T HAVE TO BE BRIEF.
Like a juggler, life is often a balancing act, and each time something causes you to waver, you must regain stability again as soon as possible, or risk an unnecessary drop or tumble through even more hardship—this time, self-inflicted.
When you suffer a major loss, such as a death in the family, a divorce or relocation, it feels as if you have been hit by a truck (I know that feeling well.) It affects you mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
BEFORE YOU CAN GO ON WITH ANY SENSE OF BEING WHOLE, YOU NEED TO PICK UP AND REGAIN A SENSE OF BALANCE AGAIN.
But you must also learn from the change and loss to move past it how you can. Doing so, you will be able to progress through life again, as you were doing before the interruption. We all go through a myriad of loss in our life.
A few losses I have been through:
· The first time I got hit by a truck, I lost my juggling ability and more. Yet, life goes on.
· The loss of my wife through divorce and loss of my daughters was devastating for me. Yet, life goes on.
· The second time I got hit by a truck, I lost my ability to run, which is something I cherish. Yet, life goes on.
· After the first accident, I see double. From a bike accident, I always hear buzzing—no silence. Yet, life goes on.
· I lost my mind, which is a hard thing to think about. Is life still going on?
I’m not asking for sympathy by mentioning some of the challenges I’ve encountered. Of course, there are millions of people who have been through much worse.
We should not compare ourselves to others. Live your own life; focus on yourself and how you can add to the world.
When I focus on the future and the hopes I have, my thoughts change. Clinging onto the past and what “could” have been destroys me. I must keep away from doing that. It will help you, too, if you focus on your future with hope.
THE PAST IS A MEMORY; LEAVE IT THERE.
Remember the joys you have had and the wisdom you acquired, and then leave the past in the past.
In thinking back, while I’m sorry about the negative events, I’m not sorry for the growing and learning that I’ve gained from them.
FACE IT RIGHT AND YOU WILL MISS NOTHING.
You’ve missed chances and opportunities at times in your past, don’t be sad or regretful. You have your future, get excited and enthusiastic about the possibilities your future holds for you.
Although sometimes, as I was recovering and looking at the future, I did wish that I could go back. I’ve learned too much that is too precious to ever want to go back now.
Discover for yourself as you look back at difficult times in your life and the losses you have had. See how these changes have added to your life as you live. Doing so will help you get through future changes and loss in a better state of mind.
LOSS IS A PART OF LIFE.
As we go through life, we are all involved in losses of some kind. So much can be learned about ourselves from an experience of loss, even in going through a very painful grieving process.
Looking forward from where you are now, live your life with the highest degree of the best expectations.
You have to look for what can be gained from even the most painful of events.
I HAVE FOUND THAT MANY HORRIBLE LOSSES CAN BE TRANSFORMED INTO LEARNING AND GROWING EXPERIENCES.
Sometimes you need a drastic change in your life to advance, a kick to get you moving again. And yet, there are losses that a kick will do nothing for, such as the death of someone close.
We have all had the loss of someone close to us. When you experience the loss of a loved one, it can really help if you take time to write a letter to this person describing how you feel about them and that you are sad they died. Describe your feelings in detail.
Read this letter to yourself every day out loud with a smile on your face and it can really comfort you as you go through the stages of grief.
The six stages of grief we have to go through after a change or loss—denial, isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance. Getting through each stage can be difficult.
Take the time you need, work on getting through each stage and back to life as soon as you can. In each of my life changes, I remember taking the time to go through each of these stages as I was recovering.
Each stage takes its own time to go through. Tears may flow, yelling can occur, sadness will be there. Always keep in mind that the grief will not be forever. As you are getting through your grief, help others through theirs.
The more you can help others through their difficulties and change, the sooner you will find your way back to happiness. Understand, though, that you will never be the same after change.
WE MUST SURRENDER TO THE CHANGE, AND THEN LEARN TO USE IT FOR OUR FUTURE.
Surrendering allows us to move through the change and learn from it. It does not mean giving up; it simply means accepting the change as is.
Yes, this acceptance of change can be a terribly hard thing to do, but it must be done in order to move forward.
You must look toward the future and think of what has to change to make your life even better than it currently is. Find the power in yourself and don’t give it away by holding onto negative factors from any change.
As we go through changes, we have to focus on them at the time, but don’t hold on too long—move your focus to your positive future as soon as you can.
START TO HANDLE YOUR FUTURE, AWAY FROM YOUR LOSS.
The better you can handle your losses in life, the happier and healthier you will be. Do this with change in your life and also with people who move through your life.
People will move into and out of your life quite often. I’ve had people who I thought were lifelong friends break things off, and we did not communicate again. I miss friends I’ve lost: Budfriend, Anna, and Joe, my best man. It hurt so much, but there was nothing I could do.
Remember, new people are always coming into your life. The old contacts are not replaced. They will always remain and live on in memory, but the new will continue and increase.
Having many friends and growing up in San Diego was wonderful; I loved Southern California and was comfortable there. Mary Ellen and I were married in San Diego and lived there for about five years.
She asked many times to move to the Philadelphia area, where her family was. I finally broke down and we made the move. I felt tremendous loss moving from where I grew up, but new and different people and things entered my life. After a time I understood a bright future is where we need to focus.
SEE THE POSITIVE.
How we see these changes will help to get us through them. You can take any experience and make it an opportunity for learning and for growth. Or you can make it a time for sadness, crying and negative feelings. These twisted thoughts can be straightened.
I find that people can train themselves to straighten twisted feelings and thought patterns. You can teach yourself not to let negative thought patterns overcome you as you move forward. This has been a big factor as I moved forward through my life.
In 1979-1980, I performed a juggling and comedy act with Randy Foster. What a brilliant time we had. I played the nice, friendly character while Randy took the role of the snide and mean character.
We complimented each other quite well, and the show was fabulous.
After doing many street shows in San Diego, we decided to try our act out at Mardi Gras, so off to New Orleans we went.
There is one section of New Orleans that draws people who are attracted to the same sex. Randy had never shown interest in the female gender, and I think he began to express his true desires in New Orleans.
We hardly talked about it, and he never came on to me. I did go with him a couple times to flamboyant gay bars—quite interesting.
On the first anniversary of my first accident, Randy performed a street show with me where we used to do shows in the old days—my monumental comeback performance.
In the mid-eighties, Randy came down with Aids and died in 1991.
I had never experienced the death of someone so close to me before.
IT WAS A TERRIBLE LOSS, AND I STILL MISS RANDY GREATLY.
I’m sure you have been through tremendous losses. How we face and deal with this loss will provide a new direction and better future.
I found new directions to point my passions after each of my losses.
And, it provided more material for this book designed to help you.
I GOT TO THE POINT WHERE I ALMOST WELCOMED BAD THINGS HAPPENING—I DID NOT MIND ANYMORE!
As long as I did not die, it would be more material for this book. Out of every loss there is growth, if we look for the advancement.
Every problem can be an opportunity for progress and moving ahead. Grief follows a consistent pattern that eventually must come to a resolution. You will get through your loss and change; accept the loss first.
Acknowledging and accepting any loss is the most important first step in your recovery through the loss. A discernible sense of balance will come back into your life when you can accept that your loss is real and will not ever go away.
SEE THINGS HOW THEY TRULY ARE.
Seeing the loss for what it is represents a giant step toward full recovery. If you are aware, the grieving process can be a time of growth and learning, as you are working your way back.
You can get back on top of life again, no matter what happens. If you continue to face your loss and work through it, it will make you a stronger person.
YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER YOUR GRIEF, MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION.
You can decide to grow through the most devastating loss you ever had and turn it into the most meaningful and productive experience you ever experienced. Choosing to go on with life means taking charge of your own thoughts and emotions, to keep moving ahead toward your successes.
On your way toward success, expect more change and loss. When you suffer a loss, instead of asking, “Why did this happen to me?” the better question would be, “How can I learn and grow through this awful event to become a better person?” Learn, learn, learn.
We learn from all of life’s experiences, good or bad. When you do start asking “How” rather than “Why?” you are on your way to recovery in all areas. Losses will be constant your entire life. The bigger your loss is, the greater your sadness and grief can be. Go through the loss as you can.
Eventually, you will get over the grief, but you do have to work through it. You cannot get around it or jump over it. Sooner or later, you will have to deal with what has happened, again and again, with each new change and loss.
Through your entire life, your changes and losses add up—loss of your childhood, loss of innocence, loss through accidents, loss of health, loss of your goldfish, loss of money, loss of a job, dropped that ball again, loss of a family member or friend, loss through death, loss through divorce—the list never ends.
As we go through each loss we deal with denial, with anger, with depression, with acceptance, and we may even try to strike a deal with the genie so many perceive God to be.
You will go through these various stages as they come and go. You may think that you are over the loss, and then it will return to haunt you again.
Once you do find acceptance, you will always have the memories and grief to deal with, but you do not have to stay there. Looking forward, I had to get myself back from these devastating accidents that totally changed my life.
I KNEW THE PATH BACK WAS GOING TO BE A DIFFICULT ONE, YET, FORWARD I WENT . . .
