• BLOG 1–On the Road Again

    BLOG 1 — On the road again
    Yes, starting a new blog and new travels. If you would like to be taken off the list to receive, let me know.  January 6, 2019–As you know, I wrote many blog posts in the past as I was traveling. I have decided to get back to living and traveling in my van–I have missed it. Also, being so cold up where I am currently living, it is time to head south to warmth, to Florida. 
    Also, this is due to a break-up with someone I was with for a number of years. I believe we still love each other, much, but she wants out. I cried off and on for days, yet, I am getting better now. 
    The first day I went to see my daughter April, who is so wonderful. We talked much and I stayed the night on her couch in the warmth. You see, the temperature outside now at night is at about the freezing level, that is why I will be going south. 
    Today I brought the van to Dave, who has been taking care of my vehicles for many years. The van is in top shape and running excellent. I will be showing you on a tour when I get down to Florida and my friend can film. 
    Tomorrow I have an appointment to get some minor body work on the van done, the van looks sharp. I built the inside into a home–turned out fantastic. You will hear more about it down the road. 
    On Thursday I have a dental appoint, then, after that, south I do. I am glad you will be coming with me. 
    I’ve driven, round trip, back and forth across the US 25 times. Mostly, when I do, I just go from one place to another. This time I will be stopping more to see fantastic things and beautiful people. 
    Also, I want to stop to do more running, and I have my bike with me. Mostly I want to stop at parks and work on my juggling. There is no reason I cannot improve. I have not dedicated myself to my juggling, time to get more of it back. 

    Also, you know I love to go to national parks and wilderness areas–we will be going to many–you will love it. And, my camera will always be at the ready. As before, you will love what you see. 

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    I must say, it feels so good to be starting my blog again. I will tell you good stories and inspirational events. I like writing in a way that gets people excited, hoping you like. If you ever have ideas to improve my writing skills, please let me know. 
    So, get ready for my weekly blog. But, it will be lonely out there, too. Please, let me hear from you, too. 
    Feels so good to travel when I have no direction (well, toward Florida, along the coast, at first.) I might be passing near you I would love to see you. 
    Last night was the first to sleep in the van. I found a place that was quiet and dark, just the way I like it. 
    The temperature was about freezing. I awoke at 2am with cold feet. I normally awake between 2 and 3am, after laying down between 9 and 10pm, I get limited sleep. I learned from this and will prepare the knowledge for the cold sleep tonight. With 3 to 4 hours sleep a night, I function fine during the day. 
    A McDonalds with within a mile away, they open at 5am, so right away I am on their free wifi and writing to you. 
    I’ve included some photos from past tours, enjoy. 
    As you know, I will be taking a slow drive down the east coast on the way to Florida. If you live within 100 miles along the way, I would love to stop by for a visit — Message me, please. SL along with me. 
    If you are living on the east coast somewhere, let me know, I would love to stop by and see you. 


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  • BLOG 68–Merry Christmas

    ​Not much happened this week, although Tina, her mom, and I moved into a mobile home. I have much to do to fix it up to our standards, will be a good project.

    I hope you are enjoying this special time of year.

    Missing the wilderness>>>>>>>>>>>Kit



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  • BLOG 67—Time does not matter

    Putting this out on Monday, instead of Sunday, sorry to not meet my deadline. Also, as you might have noticed, I put my blog out on last Saturday instead of the usual Sunday. I was not keeping track of time and did not check; I hate making unthinking mistakes. But, that really does not matter, I got the words to you (hope you liked the read) and can start early on the next published blog.

    Also, I had titled this blog, Blog–65, it should have been number 66, I need to read through and put things correctly before I send to you. Once again, editing is the key to good writing.
    Speaking of time, currently that is much of what I have. Once we go through the closing on this house on Dec 19 and then close on the trailer on Dec 27, I will be able to apply myself and do much designing, building and construction to make our new home stand out, to make it magnificent.

    That is a daily choice we have, to simply live with the way things are, or make each detail of our life exceptional. Also, from learning to live in a van, I have learned that a minimalist lifestyle can be a better life. So, being in a small area is more comfortable for me.

    Live with less and make the most of what you have.

    I wrote before about having the small file box stolen. Lost were photos that can never be replaced and news paper articles and personal things, it has still been affecting me. These were things that can never be replaced, yet, life will go on. When I first moved into the van I got rid of much, loss does not matter to me. Last week I heard of a fire which destroyed everything that five families had in their homes, so my loss is not much compared to these families.

    I lost the past, as I have done before (a few times), but now I can build an even better future.

    With this theft and our move to a new place, I start life again. I lost the past, as I have done before (a few times), but now I can build an even better future. I’ve learned that nothing really matters in life—money, success, poverty—the only thing that really matters is the love and caring that you give to other people.

    I’ve had much loss in my life and started again many times. One time, years ago, my sister, Kath, told me once that she would eventually take her photos she has collected over time and burn them. This shocked me, destroying your past, but, now I see that it is really only the person who has the photos who cares.

    As we live our life we move on and move away from things.

    It all goes back to the end of life, in our conclusion we do not require anything. Marion sleeps a lot, sometimes I wonder when will the time when she will not awaken; such a strange feeling. Yet, that time will come for each of us; Marion is closer to that end point.

    I must say right now, I miss being in the wilderness, much. Different circumstances put us in different environment. What must be done is to the best of our current situation.

    Here is more from my book series, please, write to me and let me know what you think of my words. And, you will see more photos from our travels. Good thing I took many pictures, are you liking them?

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    Another chapter from my book series, Beyond Your Potential
    The Comeback Kit, From Coma to Comedy
    .
    BOOK FOUR—LIFE CHANGING
    A Series of Books to Change Your Life
    By Kit Summers
    Chapter 30– Do it Now

    “Learn from the past,
    set vivid, detailed goals
    for the future, and live
    in the only moment of
    time over which you have
    any control: NOW.”
    Denis Waitley

    My Time
    Because some of my time was taken away from me, I wanted to find ways to use time better so that I could perform and function in the best potential with the least wasted time and effort. I had to be persistent and squeeze time to get the most out of the time I had. None of us can make time or manage time or control time. Time is time – no controlling it – at all.
    Time-Management?

    In this section I am stressing to use time efficiently. This does not mean to keep your toes (or nose) to the grindstone and never take a break. You will read suggestions on how to use your time more efficiently. The idea of time management is a parable. You control the situation; you do not control the time. You cannot manage time, but you can decide how you would like to use the time that you use. You have control of your own time; don’t let it take control of you. Yes, you have all the time in the world – use it wisely. As I am typing these words, I am sitting comfortably on my deck. I see the birds at the bird feeder, I hear the gentle breeze blowing, and I feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. Is this work? You make your time where, when, and how you want to. Why not spend time wisely on the best-quality life possible? You have that choice. Time management is simply a series of ways to live life more deliberately.

    You are Getting Very Sleepy . . .
    An average person spends 20 years of life asleep. I spent more than a month napping, which was enough for me. As we get up in age, we need less and less sleep. Last night I got four hours and am functioning fine. Sleep as often and as long as your mind and body need to, but don’t overdo it. So many people waste their life away sleeping too much. We have so much to accomplish in life, we don’t have time for too much sleep. What is tiredness anyway? Is being tired sleepiness? Then take a nap. Is it not having energy to do something? Set your mind to get the energy. I think often it is just laziness. You can control your energy output. Many people use tiredness as an escape to get out of life for a while.

    Track Your Doings
    Start a personal log of how you spend your time. It’s an immensely powerful way to bring awareness to your daily routines and how you spend your day. The simple act of logging your behavior will dramatically alter your life! Do this for a week or two, minute by minute, and you can see exactly how you spend your time and see where you can make more time.

    Start With the Things You Don’t Want To Do
    There are many things you do not want to do in your life, yet, they must be done. When you have a many things to do during your day at work, home, or wherever, tackle the toughest, most challenging things first. Start with the things that you want to put off until later. Once these projects are out of the way, you can get to the more pleasant things that need to be done. That way you are always looking forward to the upcoming tasks that you like more. Do this and get more accomplished in your life, faster, and be more pleased.

    Procrastination
    This book series would not be together if I stayed on the same path of think that one day I will get started. Almost everyone procrastinates from time to time, and some, too much. Take this book series for example. I started it and then I put it aside for some years. Once I did get started again it went smoothly and easily. I truly do not know why I didn’t work on it for so long. I think it’s a matter of JUST STARTING. I kind of got started, but I did not make the time to work on it. We make time for what’s important in our life. When I made this book a top priority, thee writing came quickly and easily. Many times, for just about anything, if you just take the beginning steps you will keep going. If you will use the steps of goal setting that is in chapter six it can help you smash through your procrastination and get on with things and get something accomplished.

    Clear Your Life
    To get things going smoothly so that you can accomplish more, it is a good idea to work from a clear desktop, whenever possible. You will be more productive and get things done faster. Studies show that the average person who works at a desk has 36 hours of work laid out in front of them. This can add up to a lot of stress, all coming from negative reminders of what’s not getting done. Sort through your projects and place them in an order of priority. Clear your desk, maybe having a table close to hold your current projects. Get one project done, put things away, clear your desk again, and then move on to the next project. This will do wonders for your mind.

    Organize Better
    A cluttered desk prompts us to tackle projects randomly, never actually finishing anything, which wastes a lot of time. Not only that, a cluttered desk prevents us from enjoying the positive feeling of getting things accomplished. Along with a clear desk, at the end of the day, I make sure that everything is where it should be, either in letters to go out, bills to be paid, including a stack of things to do tomorrow, and a stack of things to do next week. That way I start the next day with a clear desk and can look forward to the work ahead. When you get back to it the next day, only take on one project at a time. Do this and it will free your mind, you will get much more done, and be happier, too.

    Your Home, Too
    Organizing affects your whole life. If your home life is disorderly in the same way as your desk, you will be held back in life. Get your things in order and move through them by priority. For me, a minimal amount of material items works best in my life. Do you really need that? Or that? Figure out what is truly imperative in your life. Start getting rid of things you do not use (thrift store, here I come). Remember, death is going to happen to each one of us. We can’t wait until we are on our deathbed to clear our life, to get fundamental things done and our life in order.

    The Cost of Time
    · What’s time worth to you?

    · Do you squander time?

    · Do you analyze your life and see how you are spending your time?

    Time certainly is more valuable than money. Time is a resource that everyone is given equally, yet why is it that some people have more time than others? Time is often more precious than money, we must use it well. We can’t deposit time into a bank like we can money. We can only spend time.

    How Do You Spend Your Time?
    Be careful how you spend this the time you are allotted. Wasting time is such a massive mistake, you must control how you spend this time you have. Pack your day with productive tasks, phone calls, and interactions with others that will have rewarding results for you. Every moment of your life you have to analyze and ask yourself if you might be wasting time. Are you making time to bring joy into your life? What about relaxing, socializing, and playing? Balance is key. Examine how you use the time you have. Be more cautious with how you spend your time. Arrange for business meetings at mealtimes. Make phone calls when you’re having your hair cut, waiting to see a doctor, or getting your nails done. Listen to motivational or how-to recordings when you are driving. Really examine your life to see where you could make more time.

    If you have a task to do
    Do it now
    Today the skies are bright and blue
    So do what you have to do
    Yesterday is not for you
    Do it now
    If you have to juggle
    Juggle now
    Tomorrow may not work
    Throw things like you’re in a cirque
    You must, you must, like a Turk
    Juggle now
    If you have a song to sing
    Sing it now
    Let the sounds of gladness ring
    Clear as the song of a bird in spring
    Let every moment some music bring
    Sing it now
    If you have pleasant words to say
    Say them now
    Tomorrow may not come your way
    Do kindness while you may
    Loved ones will not always stay
    Say them now
    If you have a smile to show
    Bring it on now
    Make hearts happy, roses grow
    Let the friends around you know
    The love you have before they go
    Show it now

    Time is of the Essence?
    Many people tell themselves, “I’ll do it when I have more time.” Each of us has all the time there is (think about those words for a moment). We make time for what’s important to us. If it’s important to you, you will find or make time. Come to think of it, how do you find time? I’ve looked under rocks, in the mountains, in caves at the ocean. I’ve never found time ever in my life. If it isn’t that important to you, don’t lie to yourself and others and say, “I don’t have time.” You just don’t want to fit it into your schedule. We all have time to fill, to get things done, it’s our choice of how we spend the time we have.

    How to Spend Time
    When we are waiting in line, waiting for a client, waiting for a bus, figure out some projects and tasks that can be worked on during the times while you are waiting. Perhaps work on learning that new language you want to learn while waiting to see a doctor, or read a book that will benefit you, or make those calls you need to make. Break things down into segments of time that you can document.

    Time Wasters
    People who steal your time – I call them time-wasters. What or who are your time-bandits? People who keep us in a meaningless conversation that never ends, people asking unintelligent questions that don’t stop coming, or someone who doesn’t speak coherently and you have to keep asking them to repeat what they are saying. You must find a way to pardon yourself and get away from these people. Are you, yourself, a time-waster? Do you spend too much time on the computer looking at trivial web sites or reading email that is of no value, or making personal calls for no reason?

    Take Control
    it’s your time. Use it in a diligent way. Waiting for your car to be fixed, waiting for doctor appointments or waiting for an airplane. . . As we live, it’s not possible to avoid waiting for someone or something. But you don’t need to just stand around and do nothing. Always take something with you to do, such as that report you need to read, your checkbook that needs to be balanced, a magazine to read that will educate you, or just a pad of paper that you can use to plan future things. Technology makes it simple to work wherever you are. Use your smart phone or tablet to help you stay connected.

    Chart Your Activities
    Here’s a way to truly figure out when and where you can make more time. Keep a record of your life for one week, only seven days. We often don’t see where we are wasting time while we are using that time.
    · Are you sleeping too much when you could be accomplishing things?

    · Are you making small-talk with people unnecessarily?

    · Are you doing menial tasks when you could invest your time in more meaningful things?

    · Are you taking a full hour to eat a meal when you only need fifteen minutes?

    Putting it Off
    One of the biggest challenges in trying to accomplish any project or goal is that we tend to put the project off until tomorrow, or next week, or next year (or forever), because we think it is just too immense or we have more important matters at work and home. Unfortunately, tomorrow never arrives for these projects. Make the time to start on it today.

    Time Never Changes
    When we do have some time, we are often too tired to do anything that requires get-up-and-go or thought. We want to mindlessly sit in front of the TV, or take a nap, or play games on the computer. Think about what is most important, and then get to it! No matter how well thought-out we are, there are always only twenty-four hours in a day. Time just goes on and doesn’t change. We have to transform to meet time. All we can essentially manage is ourselves and what we accomplish with the time that we have allotted to us. So, there is no such thing as time management. Actually, time manages us, if we allow it to.

    Time Tools
    Whether it’s a Day-Timer or a computer program or a smart phone, the first step to physically planning your time is to know where your time going now and where you are planning to spend your time in the future. I use Google calendar, for instance, which lets me schedule events easily and can be set to remind me of events in advance, making my scheduling much easier. I organize my calendar each night. I list all of my tasks for the next day in order of priority. I keep working toward getting as many completed as I can, making it a game. Really, the key to good use of time is organizing. Learn to organize your life and work well and you will have all the time in the world.

    Focus
    There have been many times when I have brought on stress by having too many projects to work on. I would get part of each one done, but not all the way. I would see all my projects as a whole and this would overwhelm me. I eventually scheduled my time differently so that I set aside time to work on different projects and get them completed by taking small steps toward the end result. I would spend a few hours on each project and that kept me from losing my concentration for any one thing. Teach yourself to focus all of your attention on what you are doing at the time.

    The Clock Clicks Down
    We control the clock and our time. Don’t let time control you. Although time is always going by, we can’t let it control us. Set your schedule so that you make room for the things that you have to do. Phone calls should go out at definitive times, and then allow incoming calls at only certain times. Also, be available for meetings with people at certain time. Handle each piece of mail only once, read it or do what you need, then forget it. When you have to go out in your car or take public transportation, combine the things that you must do while you are out. If you can, delegate work or outsource tasks that can be done by others. Do these things and you have more time to do what you need to.

    Outline and Structure
    To move ahead in life avoid the three P’s:
    PERFECTION
    PROCRASTINATION
    PARALYSIS
    Stay away from these things. Time is short. Actually, time is time, short or long. Just don’t waste time. Pay yourself by outlining and structuring your future NOW to be the best it will be for you.

    Relax
    In this section on time management I’m not suggesting that you just go-go-go. You must also take time for yourself in your new world. Here are some suggestions on building your new life in special ways. Work toward doing as many of these, on a daily basis, as you can.
    · Go for an early brisk walk, which will awaken your body and mind and, as you know, your body was made to move. Walking will strengthen your heart, the strongest muscle you have.

    · Drink more water. Our body, which is ninety percent water, needs to keep taking water in to function properly. Drinking more water will help with many of the aches and pains we experience in our life.

    · Make time to juggle for forty-eight minutes today. This will boost your body and mind and set you on a good path.

    · Hug someone. When you give someone a hug, more than just for them, it makes you feel better as well. Hugs do wonders for your outlook.

    · Eat a large salad. You already know that I eat a salad daily at 4pm. Packed with vitamins, minerals, chlorophyll and enzymes, salads are excellent for your health. This advice must become a daily ritual.

    · Make and drink green juice. Yes, you can drink a cucumber. Use a little fruit along with your greens to experience the sweeter side of life. Green juices will help your body heal and you will live better. They are a dynamo of nutrients that help your body feel better and invigorate you all at once.

    · Do deep breathing for at least five minutes and as often as you can. Research shows that deep breathing, brings more oxygen into your lungs, even briefly, and will reduce stress hormone levels for your better life. That translates into less worry, better sleep, and it will help keep your weight in control.

    · Meditate. A relaxing time out can do you well. Meditating will set your mind at a higher, more balanced level. Now and then, just take some time out to clear your mind and get away from technology and people. This can help you feel more calm and peaceful.

    · Take time to get back to nature. Go out and hear the birds, see the trees, smell that flower. Along with making you feel fabulous, you will be exposed to natural aromatherapy with relaxing, energizing, and therapeutic effects. When you return to your responsibilities, you will be thinking more clearly to get more done.

    · Write down at least seven things for which you are truly grateful. People are helping you, things are getting done. Be thankful and grateful that they are. Growing amounts of research shows that sincere appreciation builds better health and happiness. Let the world know you care by being grateful.

    · Use less toxic chemicals. Most people use more toxic chemicals than they realize. Smelly dryer sheets, laundry detergent, dish soap, body wash, antiperspirants, cologne and perfume, nail polish and hair spray, the list goes on and on. There are other natural sources for these items. Do some research and find the natural things you need.

    · Do something unusual for someone in secret. Next time you are going through a toll-booth, pay for the car behind you. Ask the attendant to tell them to do something nice for somebody down the road. One time, after a short and sincere conversation with someone, they secretly took care of the cost of my meal at a restaurant. It made me see that there were still good people in the world. Surprise someone today – in secret.

    · Do something memorable for yourself. For dinner, plan and prepare a delicious meal for yourself and others. Jump in the bath and soak for a while using Epsom salts. After your bath, use a natural brush to go over your whole body using small circles, working from your extremities toward your heart, which boosts your blood circulation to help eliminate toxic waste buildup in your tissues while enhancing your energy. Make yourself feel special today…and every day.

    This is your life, make the time for things you love and people you love.



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  • BLOG 66—A slow move forward

    Some changes this week. Hard to be moving forward when you are in just one area of the world, yet, we are making some. We’ve been staying at Tina’s Mom’s (Marion) house, and have given away or thrown away much that she acquired over 95 years of living here.

    She was quite bothered about this at first, but it was necessary for the move. We hired a realtor who did get more for the house than we thought, that’s a good thing. Also, we put a bid in on a trailer and will be moving there. This new home is from 1989, which is already detailed with handicap things like the toilet, so that will be perfect for Marion. So, this is good, too.

    What bothers me is, it seems, will we be with Marion until her death? Currently at 95, she cannot walk well, see well, and hear well—but her mind thinks in a good way. Could she live until 105 or . . .?

    Our plan is to be in the area with Marion, then take short trips to wilderness areas as we can. Tina has six grown kids and friends in the area that might be with Marion as we travel for short trips. Until then, I have included some photos from our past travels.

    I’ve not been to the statue of liberty, and I don’t care. I would rather go to a forest than any man (of women) made thing any day. After traveling to so many forests all over America (and in Europe and New Zealand), I would rather be in the wilds than any populated area.

    There was a time before that I dealt with death. When I lived with Mary Ellen and our daughters Jasmine and April we had not heard from our neighbor, who lives across the street, for some days. We walked over and looked in the window (strange, she always keep the inside of the windows covered), and Mary Ellen saw her lying on the floor.

    The backdoor was open (strange too she always kept things locked up), so we entered the house. Her color was light, almost white, and she was not breathing. No more life for Evelyn. We called 911 and eventually an ambulance showed up and took her away. She lived alone and did not have much family that we knew of, a sad thing.

    Normally people die while in a hospital (like my mom), so we hardly ever deal with a dead person. I must say, it was interesting (is that the right word to use?) As we live we do not talk about or deal with death much. When David Bowie died it really affected me. I never thought of him not being here, but, each of us will eventually leave this life; including me, as well as you.

    Enough, I need to take things away from death and dying. We are here, we are alive, hopefully we are joyful (a much better way to live life.)

    I’m including more photos from our traveling over the last year. We took many, hope you like, let me know.

    As you might know, I used to do a comedy juggling act. The following lines are some of the lines I used when I had a heckler in my audience. With a heckler, if you handle it right, you can get great comedy. These are some fun lines to read, remember a few that you might use on family or friends.

    ===========================

    From my book, Comedy for Juggling:
    CHAPTER 8–HECKLER LINES

    At times, there are going to be people who hassle you and bother you during your show. Often, the heckler yells something at just the wrong time. Your objective is to get the audience back. If you can get the audience on your side using comedy, you will do well against the heckler. I’ve gotten some of my best comedy (and best hats in a street show!) when I had a heckler in the crowd. Just don’t let him or her bother you and be relaxed. Your main objective with a heckler is to get the audience on your side.
    Sometimes, a heckler thinks they are adding to your show and will keep saying things or bothering you. You might use every heckler line you know and it won’t stop them. If they do start distracting from your show, take them aside and have a word with them.

    Out of 500,000 sperm, you had to be the strongest swimmer!

    Your wits are too much for me, I never was very good with fractions.

    On a scale of one to ten–you’re an idiot.

    This must be a proctologists convention; just look at all the assholes.

    Let’s play catch (to deal with a heckler while juggling machetes.)

    You can fool some of the people some of the time, and the rest will make fools of themselves.

    Why aren’t you out ripping off cars where you belong?

    If you repeat everything, the show will be twice as long.

    Here is living proof that cousins do marry.

    It looks like the only thing you exercise is your tongue.

    Come back stage after the show and we’ll have a nice man to jerk talk.

    Is that your face or did your neck throw up?

    Just what we need . . . someone on quaaludes.

    The fact that you are able to dress yourself in the morning totally amazes me.

    You have enough mouth for three lips.

    If brains were dynamite, you couldn’t blow your nose.

    You’re funny looking.

    This is actual proof that alcohol kills brain cells.

    Here’s the first brain transplant donor.

    Some people have the privilege of being ugly, but you abuse that privilege.

    Why don’t you come up her and stand, maybe your mother will recognize you and take you home.

    Go take a piggy back ride on a buzz saw.

    This is one case where the child died and the afterbirth lived on.

    This is what happens when the fetus doesn’t get enough oxygen.

    Were your parents first cousins, or just a couple of nice guys?

    (for a street show) How much did you pay to get in here?

    I wish I were a ventriloquist, then I’d know when the dummy’s going to speak.

    Do you write your own material? Well don’t quit your day job.

    Shut up.

    Yes, I can tell that lobotomies are still popular.

    I like a man who speaks his mind.

    How fast was the hearse going when you fell out?

    I don’t take requests.

    I don’t split fees, quiet down.

    It’s a shame that birth control isn’t retroactive.

    I’m only serious.

    If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.

    Sad thing when cousins marry.

    When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you, okay?

    Didn’t I see your picture on a rat poison bottle?

    If I want any shit out of you, I’ll squeeze your head, okay.

    If shit glowed, you’d light up my life.

    You know, it’s people like you, who make people like me, people like you.

    Consider yourself ignored.

    I have two words to say to you, and they’re not “Happy Birthday.”

    It’s alright to be stupid, but you don’t have to make a career of it.

    I don’t know what you are, but whatever it is, I hope you’re the only one.

    Hey, if I had 17 more of you I’d have a golf course.

    It looks like the face on the bathroom floor finally got up.

    He’s a legend in his own mind.

    Don’t start anything buddy, or I’ll knock you conscious.

    He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.

    You nimrod.

    Why don’t you two stand together and make a tunnel?

    I hope your Karma runs over your Dogma.

    Some people are slow in the head and some are fast, but there are those like you that are half-fast (or half-assed.)

    So, how long have you had this problem?

    Hey, give me a break, or I’ll give you one.

    Is that your beard or do you have a hairy tongue?

    I’ll buy your funeral plot if you promise to move right in.

    Did your mother have any children that lived?

    Why don’t you go visit a near-sighted knife thrower?

    (when they come back with a line) Hey, that’s a pretty good one? That’s why I’m up here, and you’re out there.

    Every time I think of people with your kind of brains, I think about how it’s the little things in life that are so important.

    How does it feel to have a lobotomy?

    The best defense if a good offense, and boy are you offensive.

    Are you from out of town? There’s a bus leaving in five minutes, please be UNDER it.

    Your horn blows, how about your wife? or your boyfriend?

    You have a striking face; how many times have you been struck there?

    There’s a man for you, big as an ox, and twice as smart.

    You, sir, look like an athlete, all muscle . . . from the neck up.

    If I wanted your advice, I’d squeeze your head.

    Why don’t you become a garbage man and lose yourself in your work.

    Don’t worry folks, every village has one.

    If I have said anything to offend you, I just want you to know that I tried my best.

    Is that your nose or did someone break a watermelon on your face.

    You have a nice head on your shoulders, too bad it’s not on your neck.

    Name that drug.

    I was about to do an imitation of an ass, but he beat me to it.

    I like doing my act the way you like having sex . . . ALONE.

    Well, there’s something penicillin won’t cure.

    Let’s play horse, I’ll be the front end, and you can be yourself.

    That’s all right. I remember when I had my first beer too.

    What’s the matter, don’t you get enough attention at home?

    Hey, mind your own business. Or don’t you have a business, or a mind?

    Seriously, I’ve been kidding this guy quite a bit. And now I’d like to say a few nice things about him. Unfortunately, I can’t think of one.

    Listen, I have only a few minutes to make a fool out of myself . . . you have the rest of your life.

    Hey, can you hear me back there? WELL, I CAN HEAR YOU!

    Why don’t you go buy a home and STAY THERE?

    What’s the matter, don’t you get out often?

    I have but five minutes to come out here and make a fool of myself, you have all day, now let me alone.

    Please, one fool at a time. Right now it’s my turn.

    He’s got more nerve than an ulcerated tooth.

    He’s loud like a Christmas tie, and just as useful.

    Lucky for you I’m too dumb to resent that crack.

    Funny what beer can do to some people.

    What did you do, put an aspirin in your coca-cola?

    Look! Young Abe Stinkin.

    Look, he stopped growing except in the middle.
    There’s an example of how far the human skin will stretch without breaking.

    Look, a mountain with clothes on.

    He’s unnoticeable as a baby blimp with a loudspeaker.
    This is a combination night club and landing field for blimps. What time do you take off?

    Are you old enough to drink?

    What’s the matter, no school today?

    Does your mother know you’re out?

    I was about to do my imitation of a jack ass, but he beat me to it.

    Look fella, tomorrow night is amateur night.

    Isn’t it wonderful what they teach you in high school?

    Look, an Indian scalped him.

    Would you mind moving, the light reflects on your head and hurts my eyes.

    He didn’t learn to talk until he was nine years old–But he’s making up for it now.

    Here’s a quarter, go call all of your friends and bring me the change.

    He only gets out once a month, let him have his fun.

    Is that your face, or are you getting ready for Hall-o-ween?

    Nice outfit he’s wearing, I wonder if that style will ever come back.

    Did you see, a taxi come up and stopped with a jerk, and he got out.

    He thinks he’s a big cheese, and he smells like it too.

    Is that you nose, or are you eating a banana?

    What’s wrong, didn’t your dog food agree with you?

    Why don’t you close your mouth, I feel a draft.

    Who writes your script?

    If you think I look funny up here you ought to come up and see how you look.

    There’s only one animal that throws a scent. It’s here today.

    There’s a man who goes around sticking his nose in other people’s business; I had a dog who did the same thing.

    He’s a gentleman, he wouldn’t strike a lady until she took her glasses off.

    He has a one track mind, and a dirt track at that.

    What’s wrong, did you got up on the wrong side of the floor this morning?

    His clothes just came back from the laundry, they refused them.

    His clothes fit like a glove, a boxing glove.

    There are three things that HISS; a snake, a goose, and a fool. Please step forward so I can see which one you are.

    There’s no fool like an old fool (for an older heckler.)

    Buddy, you’re becoming “irksome” and I dislike “IRKS”.

    I wish we had a ten cent cover charge to keep out the riff raff.

    He just came from “abroad”, who’d you do?

    He only goes out with a girl on her free night.

    He’s just a wolf in cheap clothing.

    Don’t worry, he’ll be put out. He’s been put out more times than the family cat.

    Okay, you’ve seen your shadow–now crawl back in your hole.

    Barnum said, “There’s a fool born every minute”, here’s the proof.

    I could try and heckle you back, but did you ever try and talk to a totem pole?

    There’s a man after my own heart; with a knife!

    He’s so stuck on himself that he hangs a mirror on the ceiling so he can watch himself gargle.

    That’s what the country needs, LESS MEN like him.

    He’s about as popular as poison ivy at a nudist camp.

    I’ll be this is the finest place you’ve ever sneaked into.

    I don’t know why you bark at me like that, I’m not your mother.

    You look like an accident, waiting to happen.
    You’re harder to ignore than a ringing telephone.

    There’s a “BROAD Minded” fellow, that’s ALL he thinks of.

    There’s one consolation, I get paid for make a fool of myself, he does it for nothing.

    Ladies and Gentleman! This person seems to want to be a part of the show. Would you like to see him come out and do his act? (They will of course say yes, so invite him out. Nine times out of ten they will refuse to come out) Okay, then listen, if you don’t want to be on the show and you have no talent, please allow my show to make an attempt to please the OTHER people here.

    He must have goat glands, he’s trying to butt in.

    Ladies and Gentleman, you’ve paid to see the show. I’ll leave it up to you, do you want this show or would you rather hear our orator friend in the audience. (The crowd will take care of him from here on in.)

    If you want to fight, join the Marines and help America.

    Ever hear of a person with diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the brain.

    Hey brother, you’re about as useful to me as a cake of ice to an Eskimo.

    I live down by the river. If you’re ever in the neighborhood–drop in.

    He’s not suffering from insanity–he’s enjoying it.

    He has the mind of a two-year-old, and he ought to give it back.

    He’s half-witted, 50% off.

    He’s such a nice person. I wonder why no one likes him.

    You’ve heard of the March of Time? This is his brother–waste of time.

    Anything goes tonight–and you may be first.

    Your face is familiar. I just can’t recall what museum.

    Your mind will always remain young. You use it so little.

    It may be morbid Curiosity, but I would love to see your parents.

    History repeats itself, and so does this guy.

    I have a test. Count up to three. See if you can do it from memory.

    He was brought up on a bottle and stuck to it ever since.

    He’s speaking his mind–and letting us know how limited it is.

    Did you get up on the wrong side of the kennel?

    I’d put you in your place, but I never visit places like that.

    He dresses like an unmade bed.

    Please don’t yell at me, I’m not your mother you know.

    Please sit down, you make the place look shabby.

    There’s the original horrible example.

    How can you talk all night without stopping to think?

    I’ve met personalities in my time, but this is ridiculous.

    Just when did you fall out of the hearse?

    That’s a rather broad statement for such a small mind.

    There are two things I don’t like about you–your face.

    That’s very good. As a reward you may take one giant step–out of the window.

    Here’s an eraser–why don’t you rub yourself out?

    He’s asking for it–and I just wish I had it to give him.

    Would you mind closing the door, from the outside?

    The next time you’re in the neighborhood–don’t stop.

    His family’s been is so many messes, they have a mop on their coat-of-arms.

    You remind me of a window; hard to shut–easy to see through–and strictly a pain.

    Beat it before I knock you down with an ad-lib.

    You’ll never get to be as old as you look.

    He’s lower than a snake’s outlook.

    Why don’t you crawl back into your nightmare?

    Why don’t you go on a diet and quit eating my heart out?

    Why don’t you send your wits out to be sharpened?

    With a little encouragement could we get you to shut up?

    Don’t you ever get tired of having yourself around?

    He’s the kind of guy who picks his friends–to pieces!

    I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but, whatever it is–it works.

    You’re snappy on the comeback–like your checks.

    Is it true that you were arrested for impersonating a human being?

    I haven’t seen a character that weird since I shaved this morning.

    There are a lot of idiots in the world, but you abuse that privilege.

    He wasn’t born–he was just caught in a rat-trap.

    When he dies, they won’t bury him–they’ll just pour him back in the bottle.

    You’d make a wonderful stranger.

    Why don’t you quit now while it’s still up to you?

    Come up here–you look easy enough to fool.

    I live down by the river, if you’re even in the neighborhood-drop in!

    He’s not suffering from insanity–he’s enjoying it.

    As you can tell, he has the mind of a two-year-old–and he ought to give it back.

    He’s half-witted–50% off.

    He’s such a nice person, I wonder why no one likes him.

    You’ve all heard of march of time? This is his brother–waste of time.

    Anything goes tonight–and you may be the first.

    He has a soft heart and he let it go to his head.

    Your face is familiar, I just can’t remember which museum.

    Your mind will always stay young, you use it so little.

    It may be morbid curiosity–but I would certainly like to see your parents.

    You can see that his mind is fundamentally sound–asleep.

    Please, count up to three–see if can do it from memory.

    He’s speaking his mind–and letting us know how limited it is.

    Did you get up on the wrong side of the kennel?

    I’d put you in your place, but I never visit places like that.

    Please don’t yell at me, I’m not your mother you know.

    Please sit down, you make the place look shabby.

    There’s the original bad example.

    How can you talk all night without stopping to think?

    I’ve met personalities in my time, but this is ridiculous.

    When I came in here tonight I didn’t know I was going to do a double.

    Just when did you fall out of the hearse?

    That’s a rather broad statement from such a narrow mind.

    There are two things I don’t like about you–your face.

    That’s very good. As a reward you may take one giant step–out of the window.

    Here’s an eraser–why don’t you rub yourself out?

    He’s asking for it–and I just wish I had it to give him.

    Would you mind closing the door–from the outside?

    The next time you’re in the neighborhood–don’t stop.

    He’s very refined. He never takes his undershirt off in the presence of ladies.

    Put your hand in front of your mouth when you sneeze. It keeps your teeth from flying out.

    Please, put your hand in front of your mouth when you sneeze. It keeps your brain from flying out.

    He has the manners of a gentleman. I knew they didn’t belong to him.

    A small man usually talks big.

    You remind me of a window; hard to shut–easy to see through–and strictly a pain.

    Beat it before I knock you down with an ad lib.

    Why don’t you gargle concrete and let it get hard.

    You’ll never get to be as old as you look.

    He’s lower than a snake’s outlook.

    Why don’t you crawl back into your nightmare?

    Why don’t you go on a diet and stop eating my heart out.

    Why don’t you send your wits out to be sharpened.

    With a little encouragement could we get you to shut up?

    Don’t you ever get tired of having yourself around?

    He’s the kind of guy who picks his friends–to pieces.

    I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but whatever it is, it works.

    You’re snappy on the comeback–just like your checks.

    You look handsome tonight. Well, let’s get on with the other jokes.

    Human nature is a funny thing, isn’t it? But then, you wouldn’t know.

    Imagine that poor little mind all alone in that great big head.

    The next time you order a toupee, get one with brains.

    Your mother should have thrown you away and kept the stork.

    He loves nature–in spite of what she did to him.

    Do you always talk that way or are you wearing fuzzy underwear?

    You leave a bad taste in my ears.

    You’ve got a great personality–but not for a human being.

    I know you’ve got a brain, but it hasn’t reached your head.

    How about tapping your great store of ignorance?

    Brains aren’t everything. In fact, in your case, they’re nothing.

    In you ever need a friend, try and find one, okay?

    Do me a favor and take a nap under a falling ax.

    I didn’t like you when I did.

    A day away from you would be like a month in the country.

    You can’t help having a face like that, but you could at least stay at home and hide it.

    You remind me of a drip–a person you can always hear but can’t turn off.

    He’s like a summer cold–I can’t lose him.

    If you ever need a friend, buy a dog.

    I’d like to carry you with me wherever I go–in a long box.

    When were you last seen alive?

    Is this drip necessary?

    Find yourself a home in a waste basket.

    When you get up in the morning, who puts you together?

    You have a ready wit. Let me know when it’s ready.

    I’d put a curse on you, but someone bet me to it.

    I’m paid to make an idiot. Why do you do it for free?

    If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, surely they can make something out of you.

    I don’t know what makes you tick. I hope it’s a time bomb.

    I enjoy talking to you. My mind needed a rest.

    If I’ve said anything to insult you, believe me, I tried my best.

    I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception.

    What’s on your mind?–if you’ll please excuse the exaggeration.

    You have a wonderful head on your shoulders–whose is it?

    As you can see, he has a strange growth on his neck–his head.

    He’s so dumb mind readers charge him half price.
    LADY HECKLERS
    If you ever become a mother, can I have one of your puppies?

    How come you weren’t here yesterday, someone steal your broom?

    How many peeping Toms have you cured?

    Did anyone ever tell you that you were beautiful . . . and mean it?

    You folks ever hear about a good time had by all? Well, there she is.

    Listen lady, I’m working this side of the street.

    Hey, that’s a nice looking coat you’ve got there. How much did you play for it? How much did it cost–you?

    She looks like an Eskimo with Arctic Circles under her eyes.

    She’s got more on her cheeks than she’s got on her mind.

    Isn’t she pretty, with black hair, and nails to match.
    She’s forward on the basketball team, and every other team too.

    She uses so much make-up she must belong to the Painter’s Union.

    Look, she’s trying to make a monkey out of me, she wants a mate.

    Now there’s a girl who has seen better nights.

    There’s a girl you would like to take home to mother–her mother.
    Hey, this is my territory. You go back and work the streets.

    She has delusions of glamour.

    You were here last year weren’t you? I never forget a dress.

    Now, there’s a girl who has seen better nights.

    I kiss the ground she walks on. It would be a lot better than kissing her.

    The girls with the cleanest minds give you the dirtiest looks.

    She has no money and no bosom–she’s flat busted.

    She’s the original overnight bag.

    She was just a slip of a girl–and she’s been slipping ever since.

    She’s seen more love than a policeman’s flashlight.

    That women, generally speaking, is generally speaking.

    She waited so long for her ship to come in that her pier collapsed.

    I get hoarse listening to her talk.

    Give a women an inch and she thinks she’s a ruler.

    She’s the kind of girl men look at twice. The first time they don’t believe it.

    She was Miss America at the age of 18–there were very few Americans in those days.

    She was caught stealing in the lingerie department, but they let her go. It was her first slip.

    She’s a women of rare intelligence–she rarely shows any of it.

    Dumb? She doesn’t know whether lettuce is a vegetable or a proposition.

    Her picture has to be taken with a very fast camera–when she has her mouth shut.

    She is an intellectual. She could bore me on every subject.

    She’s so ugly she rents herself out for Halloween parties.

    She looks like Miss America–and half of South America too.

    She just turned 24. Before she turned it, she was 42.

    Men don’t like her for her mind. They like her for what she doesn’t mind.

    She doesn’t wear any make-up. Some people will do anything for attention.

    What a girl. She’ll never live to be as old as she looks.

    She has delusions of glamour.

    I worship the ground she crawled out of.

    She is very temperamental. Eighty per cent temper and the rest mental.

    There’s nothing wrong with her that Freud couldn’t explain in a footnote.

    She has lots of polish–on her fingernails.

    I’d like to meet her family–out of morbid curiosity.

    When she gets undressed the fellow across the street pulls down the shade.

    She has varicose brains.

    She could set sex back 20 years.

    Really, she’s the girl of my dreams–I have a lumpy mattress.

    She’s a home girl–she doesn’t care whose.

    She’s the kind of a girl you’d give your name to–but not your right name.

    KID HECKLERS
    Now I know why some animals eat their young.

    Are your parents from the three mile island area.

    Cute kid, what do you want to be–if you grow up?

    No really, I just love kids. Actually I have the heart of a child. Do you want to see it, it’s right back here in a box.

    I love kids, just love ’em . . . medium rare.

    Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

    Quiet kid, you might be heckling your own father.

    How old are you (8)? Do you want to live to be (9)?

    This is this year’s poster child for zero population growth.

    I’m crazy about children–I’d give anything to have been one.

    When you were five, did your parents help you to leave home?

    He was such an ugly baby that his parents didn’t know whether to buy him a crib or a cage.

    The only sure cure for kids is birth control.

    His parents almost lost him as a child. Unfortunately, they didn’t take him far enough into the woods.



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  • BLOG 65—Not much this week

    Every time I write one of these blogs to you, I often reread, of course, as I do with all the books I have written. I always find ways I could have worded things better. That’s the key to good writing, more and more editing. But, I have to get the words to you sometime; hope you are enjoying the read.

    Life is an ongoing and never ending editing process, constantly looking for ways to improve all. As I go through life I often examine my life and try and find ways I could do things better, in all areas, even the small details. If you make all the small details of your life first-rate, you will have an exceptional life.

    Yesterday I got an email from my friend John Satriano. He said he does read every blog I send and enjoys the read. Although, he has not written back to me, even though I had asked, but that is alright. I am glad people are enjoying my writings. I send posts to about 300 people, wondering if people are reading, hardly hearing from anyone.

    We are still looking for a place to move to with Tina’s mom. Soon, hopefully, we will be able get back to the wilderness and you will love the photos, I am sure.

    As you see, I am including photos from our past travels you may not have seen.

    Please get back to me and let me know what you think of my words.
    =======================================
    Beyond Your Potential
    The Comeback Kit, From Coma to Comedy
    BOOK FOUR—LIFE CHANGING
    A Series of Books to Change Your Life
    By Kit Summers
    Chapter–You are You (and I am Me)

    “Experience is not what
    happens to you; it’s what
    you do with what happens
    to you.”
    Aldous Huxley

    A Solo Life
    Advancing in juggling and writing books are very solo ventures. I had to track my own success, and I had to pat myself on the back. People are here to help us, but most for most of our life, we have to run our own show, make our own advancements, and see our own accomplishments. There is no one on earth who can be as good a friend as you. You must take comfort in that.
    • You’re always that one smiling back when you look in a mirror.
    • There’s only one person you’re certain to spend every moment with.
    • You can depend on you like no other.
    • I’ve tried to ignore me. It can’t be done.
    • You are always there when you need you.
    • There is actually only one person that you control in your life – yourself.
    • You have no better friend – you are your own best friend.
    • Respect yourself.
    Learn to manage your own drive forward, and then the support of others is only an added benefit in adding to your motivation. Of course, remember to give more then you receive. Depend on yourself like no one else can (because, they really can’t!). Other people will not respect you if you don’t respect yourself.

    Up-Down
    Like you, I’ve been way up and I’ve been way down. Something that helped me after the accident was when I was down and depressed and feeling like giving up, I’d remember that I would be back up again and doing well in no time. When I was on top of the world and things were going great, I’d know that I would be back down again. Balance is the key. When you’re down, know you’ll be back up again. When you’re up, know you will be back down. You have control of your life and how you feel. Expect the best because we get what we expect. Do this and depression will never be a part of your life.

    You are me?
    See me do my thing
    I see you do yours
    I will not judge you
    You will not judge me
    You are you and I am me
    I will not seek to change you
    You will please not seek to change me
    We are here for ourselves
    If we find each other, it’s fabulous
    If not, we each miss out
    You are you and I am me

    Surprise Yourself
    Your relationship with yourself is dynamic! You are constantly changing, advancing, growing and learning. You can live your entire life and still not know everything there is to know of you. I continue to learn more all the time about myself. One of the finest parts about life is that there are always new discoveries and moments when you can surprise yourself. In fact, there were parts of this book, this writing, which surprised me. I wrote something and then asked myself, did I just write that? It’s a good feeling when I surprise myself.

    Who Do You Love?
    There is no other human being in the world like you. Billions of people have a mouth, a nose, and two eyes, but no one looks exactly like you. And, none of them have any of your thoughts, traits, methods and ways. You are special, you are unique, and you are one-of-a-kind. There is not a another individual in the world who is more important than any other person in the world, no matter what kind of work they do, how many balls they can juggle, what kind of position they have in life, or how they look. Each of us is as valuable and worthwhile as any other person (except for you, you’re the special one).

    Alone Time
    It’s so essential to be with yourself, by yourself, and treat yourself well by being able to spend quality time just with yourself. This can be harder than it seems, especially when you don’t take the time to do just that. Life has its stress and keeps you busy, but you have to make the time. How do you take time for yourself when you have so many things – work, family, juggling practice, activities, and friends competing for the time you do have? Wake earlier, eat less at meals, and don’t watch TV – just a few of the ways to get more time. Also, when you have some free time, keeping things just to yourself can feel a little self-centered. You may be the only one who knows. This is your time, use it right.

    The Mirror
    Do you ever actually see yourself in the mirror, or just your image? One thing that can help your self-image is to go to the mirror every morning, look at yourself, and say “Hi __________! Good to see you. Today we are going to have an superb day and get much accomplished.” Don’t forget that you are you. Yes, doing this might seem strange at first, but over time you will develop your outlook on yourself, in a good way.

    Your Label
    The most important labels in the world are the ones that we put on ourselves. Label yourself as useless and you will be useless. Label yourself as highly intelligent and you will play that part. It’s like we are actors at times, playing the part – play the good smart character – play yourself. You are not lying to yourself; you are training your brain to think in good ways. Do this and make your life a masterpiece. Remember, it’s not what you are that holds you back in life. It’s what you think you are not.

    Replacing Your Self-Talk
    There were certain changes in my self-talk I had to make to keep me moving forward. As you know, I wanted to get back quickly after my accident. Changing what you tell yourself can help the most with change.

    The mind can hold you back and add to procrastination so much when you are pursuing something. Start saying the following to yourself:
    • Instead of, I have to start now, use–I get to start now.
    • Instead of, This project is so big and significant, use–I can take small steps.
    • Instead of, I don’t have time, use–I will make best use of the time I have.
    • Instead of, This must be done perfectly, use–This will be acceptable within my personal limits.
    • Instead of, I wish I’d done that, use–What small step can I take now to get back on target?
    • Instead of, This is going to take so long, use–I’m enjoying the small steps of finishing this.
    • Instead of I must finish, use–When can I start again?

    So, change your self-talk, getting going, and find accomplishment.

    Control
    The only person you actually have control of is you. The challenge of life requires the ability to be effective in influencing others, but you do not have control of anyone else – only yourself. You have to have self-trust. Know that you are running your life in a better way all the time.

    Start New, Now?

    Every day is a chance to begin all over again. The past is behind you, a memory. The future has yet to occur. The only thing that truly exists is this moment – now. And in this moment, you can begin fresh, start anew, and you can do it again and again.
    • So, what do you want to produce in this moment?
    • Who are you in this instant?
    • What old life-stories are you ready to let go of?
    • What new stories are you ready to write?



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