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  • Blog 25–God?

    Being careful with these words, I do not want to insult or chase anyone away. You are my family or friend, and many of you believe wholeheartedly.

    I hope I do not change your feelings of me with these words. 

    Some of you wrote questioning why I do not have faith, why I do not believe, I had to reply. I hope I do not lose friends in sending these words, and, I do hope we can still work together, Gerry.

    With these words I am not trying to change you, I am just relaying my thoughts and, hopefully, making you think on the subject.

    If you are a believer in a God, I feel obligated to warn you that I am not. With these words, my goal is not to criticize, condemn, insult or convert, but rather, to help you explore the true nature of your own relationship with God, religion and faith; if you are a follower that is.

    Don’t stop reading because of the subject matter contained, if the magnifying glass makes you uncomfortable, you need not look into it. On the other hand, that is precisely why you should.

    I write about faith because, after the first accident, I was trying to go down that path—for help, for guidance, for relief—but ran into too many dead-ends and roadblocks. Try as I might, I could not find that road to go down toward god. And, once again, after the second time I was hit by a truck, my mind searched for this god.

    If you have found this path for yourself, I ask you to examine your beliefs—exactly what do you believe, why do you believe it, and why do you think I should believe—and, perhaps, your views and thoughts on the subject will change, even grow stronger after reading these words.

    After the appalling things I have gone through in my life, I tried to turn to the idea of a God to simply ask—“Why?”

    No answer came to me.

    Perhaps, because I grew up without a father (he died when I was seven), I cannot find this “father” in heaven who takes care of us?

    I’m not saying that I didn’t get educated about any kind of God; I’ve attended various churches hundreds of times, as well as synagogue. I fully tried to find this God that everyone was so enamored with; my mind would not allow me to.

    At times, I would criticize myself in my mind, wondering why I could not find this God. I asked myself things like, “Are you too stupid to find and believe in this God?” It was when I found there were other critical thinkers in the world that set me free.

    Others, after they heard what I have been through in my life, sometimes said, “Boy, you should thank God you are still alive.” So, who is it I should thank for taking away my juggling skill, taking away my ability to run, taking away Mary Ellen, for taking away Tina—HUH?

    People have also told me, “You have to believe in your heart, and not in your mind.” My heart pumps blood, my mind is what would believe.

    What, exactly, could that mean?

    People also told me, “If you don’t believe in God you will go to hell.” First of all, this sounds like a huge evil threat. And, any God that would make me smart enough to know how to use my mind, but would also punish me “FOREVER” for not believing in him (or her)—this with no evidence—whatsoever, this is a god I would not want to believe in.

    With these words, I do not want to change your beliefs, I want to have you think, and, perhaps, make your faith even stronger, or, perhaps, diminish it altogether. I want to get you to reflect about why you truly believe.

    Under the impression that there was something there to help me, I was trying to build up a strong belief and faith. At times I even tried to fake it, like they say, “Fake it for long enough and you will have that belief.” But, I could not lie to myself any longer. And I could not find anything, anywhere.

    For myself, I have just found such a comfort and freedom not having to base my life on any kind of a God.

    I’ve been told that you cannot see or define God; you just have to believe on faith. How can you believe something if you cannot see or even define it? I hear from people that God exists outside of space and time, then how would they know, if this knowledge is outside of their realm?

    This makes no sense to me!

    I’ve even heard that faith is learning to turn off your mind and stop thinking. Remember, I am not trying to insult, I want to get across my point of view.

    People may say I was not trying in the right way, but I tried all kinds of ways and still—NOTHING. If you are a believer and can help steer me the correct path to find God, please do.

    I see that there is no way to prove God exists, but, there is no way to prove God does not exist—same goes for Faeries, The Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot and Santa?

    I want you to know that I am still open to the idea that there is a God looking over us; I have yet to find that path or see any evidence, can you direct me?

    Like I wrote, I have attended church service hundreds of times. People there appear happy and good-natured, showing kindness and support to one another—always gratifying to see.

    Church often seems a good social mix for people; a connection place. Faith and belief have helped a great many people to live a better life, and often inspired them to help others.

    After attending church so many times, I never could “see” what these other people “saw.”  I’ve been to all kinds of different churches and denominations and it seems that most of the time the pastor or preacher or rabbi or person running the show is trying to talk everyone “into” believing. “You must believe because of . . .”

    It was like all these believers had to be reinforced all the time to believe even stronger or the belief would fade away.

    Is this right?

    It seems that people who knew of my differing beliefs acted toward me as, “What’s wrong with him?” It seemed as if there was almost hatred behind their look, as they perceived me, just because I did not believe as they did.

    I wondered why we couldn’t even be friends just because this person had decided on a certain faith and my thoughts and beliefs were different.

    For a time I attended church with Tina at a Messianic church (Jews and Gentiles who believe in Jesus.) After some weeks the rabbi asked us over for dinner at his house; I was pleased to go.

    After a nice dinner the conversation turned to my beliefs and my being with Tina. He basically said we should not be together because of differing beliefs. This hurt so much I cried, big tears. This caused me a lot of mental anguish and we headed home.

    But, as you know, Tina eventually did follow his advice; so sad I have been.

    I have just found there is so much negativity and even violence in the various dogmas of the world. Christian, Muslim, Judaism, Hinduism; each and every religion thinks theirs is the correct one.

    The fighting that’s involved and true hatred toward others who don’t believe as they do—to me—that behavior is truly immoral. At this point, do you hate me?

    As Rodney King said, “Can’t we just get along?”

    Speaking of morals, people often say that without god you cannot have morals, not true, at all. Many of the non-believers I know are more moral than many who do believe. To me being moral is simply causing no harm to other people, animals or things.

    Christians claim their God is merciful and just for everyone, but it does not seem that way to me. Does this God really demand belief and obedience to rules I can never be certain came from him (or her: I think a woman would make a better God) in the first place?

    Is this not an all-knowing God?

    If this God demands belief and obedience to his laws and is all knowing, he knows it will require evidence suitable to my mind for me to do that. I have never been presented such evidence.

    So, if I am on my way to hell, if there is one, it is God who is sending me there.

    This is not a choice for me. It is simply how my brain works. I don’t think anyone can actually choose to believe anything.

    Either the conditions of belief are met or they are not, and we all have different requirements, as we all think differently, which is, apparently, how we were designed by this all-knowing creator.

    Threats of hell are rather like holding a gun to my head and telling me, “Believe or die.” But it’s even worse than that. With this God, I would not die, but would instead be tortured for eternity in hell.

    Not sure how someone can believe in a “good God” such as this. Is this morality?

    Believers often say that, without faith, you can’t have morals. Not true. The countries with the least religion are the most moral, like Sweden and Japan; a proven fact. And, take the above paragraph about God sending people to hell because they do not believe in him, which would be the most immoral thing that could be done.

    Just look at moral constraints of the animal kingdom. The social structures of great apes or wild dogs are very moral as far as dealing with each other. These creatures do not, “believe”, and have great morals. Humans do the same.

    People have learned that it is best to deal with each other in a good way, not necessarily with belief.

    Speaking of morals, say there is someone who kidnaps a young girl. This is a wonderfully kind teenage girl who helps many. Her parents do not believe and she was not raised in that way. Now, this person who kidnaps the little girl brutally rapes her on and off for three days and eventually kills her. He gets caught and goes to prison. While in prison he finds God and becomes a believer.

    According to the Christian principles, this person in prison would be sent up to heaven because he now “believes”, while the little girl, on the other hand, would be sent to the fiery place down below to be tortured for eternity because she doesn’t agree with this doctrine.

    Now, is this fair, moral, and right?

    Many intellectuals and great thinkers I have come to respect also do not have faith. I would rather be in hell with them than in heaven singing my praises to this God for all eternity (I don’t have a good singing voice anyway, just ask my daughters.)

    Speaking of eternity, wouldn’t a heaven become a hell of its own, regardless of where or how you lived? You would see and experience everything possible billions of times and more.

    And, as the story goes, you would be singing your praises to this God for all time.

    Think of what that actually means!

    This dream of eternal life, I think, is born of our instinctive fear of death. I must tell you, I have no fear of death, but there are some things I want to do before that time.

    I ponder that if we lived long enough, all of us would at some point welcome an end to the story. Like a television series that starts out great and becomes downright painful to watch as the writers run out of material.

    Heaven would become a hell of its own.

    Of course, these are just my own thoughts and feelings on the subject. I’m not trying to change your thoughts or beliefs; I am just hoping to get you to open your mind and think more about why you might believe in something.

    If you do follow a spiritual path, take a good look at your faith and ask yourself:

    • What is my belief based on?
    • Why am I on this path?
    • Am I taking the time to truly examine this God I believe in?
    • Does belief really make me content?
    • Do I really believe in this spiritual dogma or am I just going through the motions and hoping for the best?
    • Am I a believer only because I was raised with faith?
    • Do I care if what I believe is truly true?
    • What impact does belief have on my life and others in my family?
    • Am I only believing as I do for imagined rewards in heaven?
    • Does my spiritual identity all come down to nothing more than peer pressure and conformity?
    • Did I choose this path or was it forced on me by someone?
    • Does my belief simply bring me comfort?
    • Am I able to help others through my beliefs?
    • What does my belief add to my life?
    • What does my belief cost me?
    • Do I subscribe to this doctrine out of fear of what may be coming after I’m dead?

    Be honest with yourself answering these questions. Once you have answers, allow change to come to you if it is a better thing to do.

    It is necessary to examine our beliefs with a critical mind because only then can we determine whether they are positive or negative—helping us live better lives or holding us back. Adding to our existence or hindering our progress and learning. Adding to the world in a good way, or damaging life with false hope?

    Examine this aspect of your life if you have not done so already. As the Greek philosopher Socrates once said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

    There has been a lot of good garnered through faith, yet religion has also caused a great deal of conflict, misery and strife, all about statements that can never be proven true or false.

    There are many different concepts of God and many different beliefs. These “beliefs” always remain subjective, as we can see from the estimated thirty-eight thousand different denominations, sects, schisms and divisions just within Christianity alone.

    Wars are fought over petty disagreements where “divine truth” is interpreted differently by almost everyone on an individual level. This is too often used as justification for virtually any act of inhumanity, costing hundreds of millions of lives over the centuries.

    And still we see these conflicts ongoing as religious divides continue to fan the flames of hate. The twin towers in New York City on September 11 in 2001, just one example. And the current wars that are mainly brought on by America, a terrible thing.

    I want to stop the fighting, stop the bickering, to get on with life. Let’s heal the world away from religious infighting and the thought control that is brought on by this part of human life.

    With my words I do not want to insult anyone in any way. I simply want you to think.

    After going through numerous life-changes, I searched for God.

    Of course, these are my thoughts and discoveries about God. I don’t want to change your beliefs; I simply want you to think more about what you believe and why you believe it.

    To me, having strong faith often builds up a false hope in a person’s mind toward their own future. Religion sometimes gives people an excuse and a reason not to think. Faith provides a way to avoid studying something in depth and then make your own conclusions.

    Rather than simply saying, “God did it”—

    • Research.
    • Study.
    • Develop your mind.
    • Learn more.
    • Study the scientific reasons why something is the way it is.

    To simply say, “God did it,” and then forget about it, is not a good thing. It seems to me that having faith, at times, is an excuse not to fully use your mind and figure out how life truly is, baptized or not.

    I have to tell you a story about my experience with a church I was attending: For a time, years ago, my wife wanted me to get baptized, and I finally agreed.

    The day of the baptism there were about six of us going through the ceremony, which was done in front of the large congregation of about eight-hundred? I was the fourth in line and carried a bag with some hidden items I had brought with me.

    Right before I was to walk out to be baptized in water, I put on the mask and snorkel I had in the bag and then walked out. The pastor wasn’t smiling; those in the audience loved it.

    I wasn’t making fun of the procedure; I was just “Kitting Around” like I often do. The pastor later told me he enjoyed my prank.

    As I went through the massive changes in my life, there were times when I honestly did search for this divine inspiration that has helped so many–for comfort, for guidance, for relief, love and peace.

    Try as I might, I could not find this celestial being anywhere. Logic and reason kept getting in the way, and continue to; hard to see past how things really are. I could not ignore or look beyond the logic and reason that were so apparent to me.

    Witnessing the faithful at church, in their contentment and confidence, I had asked myself, “Am I just too stupid to see what should be obvious?”

    It all seemed so simple for them.

    I was highly critical with myself, thinking that others could think in a different way than I could. And that, as it happens, is a fact. We all think and perceive things differently.

    But how can believers just believe without examining the thousands of other beliefs that people hold today or that have existed in the past and will come to be in the future?

    What if the Muslim God, Allah, is the only true God? Though they both fall under the category of Abrahamic religion, what if Christianity is heresy? Or what if it is the other way around? What if the Hindu God, Ganesha, is correct? What about Zeus?

    If there is a God, what if the real truth has not yet been revealed, and a future religion is the correct one?

    Even with all these choices, if you do believe and it helps you, then it is probably a positive influence. I do understand your beliefs. We must all believe in something, be it supernatural or merely our personal ideals.

    People have said to me, “If you don’t believe in God then you must just believe in yourself, like you are God.” No, that is not the case. I believe in you, I believe in me, I believe that if we all work together and love each other we will make a better world for all of us.

    Speaking of belief, when I was young and in junior high school, I loved reading the Chronicles of Narnia books, written by CS Lewis. I was lost in these books and could not put them down. My mind truly went to Narnia and was a part of the story; I got lost in this world and loved it.

    Yes—I was a believer—in Narnia, in Aslan, in Mordor, and all the rest. I do understand how people can have beliefs.

    Each person needs to examine why they actually believe and what is true to them.

    With these words, I would like to help open your heart and mind to truly see the life you are living now—the only life we truly know we have—and aim toward the excellence that you desire, with or without God.

    I would like you not to squander this life you are living as nothing more than some kind of trial to be borne and suffered through on the path to something we can only hope is waiting in a possible hereafter.

    For Muslims, the hope of the seventy-two virgins who await them in heaven?—Do the virgins have any say in this m?

    We have this one life to live on this Earth—aim for your best life now—not toward some hope in heaven later.

    I know that most people in the world have been taught, as children, to accept the spiritual beliefs of their parents, whatever those beliefs may be.

    • If you were born in the middle east, you might be Muslim.
    • India, you might be Hindu.
    • America, there is a good chance you are Christian.
    • It is all a matter of “where” you were born.

    When a child has these beliefs reinforced, again and again, with this idea of God during all their years growing up, no wonder they are a strong believer in that faith.

    In learning of God as a youth, is that a good reason to believe something? 

    You are older now; you need to thoroughly examine what and why you really believe. Like I wrote before, this might spark your thinking and, maybe, even make you a stronger believer.

    While growing up, I did not have much of a religious or spiritual influence myself. My mother never went to church and never was spiritually dogmatic, so ideas of church and deity were largely foreign to me. Yet, I knew that a religious mind helped so many.

    Although I always was aware of how faith aided many people throughout their lives, and I saw it as a psychological necessity for some, but not for me.

    I repeat; take the time to analyze what and why you truly believe (if you do, of course.)

    When I talk with Christians (Christianity being the primary religion where I live) and tell them of my skepticism of God and ask where I can find or see this God, responses are mostly the same: “Well, look around you. See the green grass, the beautiful trees, hear lovely nature, and see the sweet circle of life?”

    “Yes, very nice,” I say, and continue, “Did you know that most of the earth is either too dry or too hot or too cold to support most life forms? Or that the harmonious circle of life is an endless cycle of forced kill-and-be-killed cruelty—that most creatures (many humans) live in discomfort at best and merely survive day-to-day as a relentless struggle of life and death?”

    “Or that thousands of species are constantly dying out, being killed off by the competition with or without human influence?”

    “And what of natural disasters—hurricanes, drought, earthquakes, forest fires, lightning strikes and so forth, wreaking havoc, bringing misery, desolation and death to all living things indiscriminately?”

    “What about the millions of innocent children who die each year,” I ask them. “Did you ever think about them?”

    These people often do not have a response. 

    Think, think, think. You must use your mind to analyze your true belief and see if it is accurate.

    To me love is much bigger than any god. Love is as critical for your mind and body as is oxygen. Without love, people die.

    It’s not negotiable. 

    The more love connected you are, the healthier you will be both physically and emotionally. The less connected you are, the more you are at risk. We must all spread love with everyone we can.

    It is also true that the less love you have, the more depression you are likely to experience in your life. Love is the best antidepressant there is because one of the most common sources of depression is feeling unloved.

    Most depressed people don’t love themselves and they do not feel loved by others. They also are very self-focused, making them less attractive to others and depriving them of opportunities to learn the skills of love.

    There is a mythology in our culture that love just happens. 

    As a result, the depressed often sit around passively waiting for someone to love them. But love doesn’t work that way. To get love and keep love you have to go out and be active and learn a variety of specific skills.

    Today, as you are walking,

    as you are shopping,

    as you are hopping,

    say “Hi” and be friendly to as many people as you can.

    They will feel better and you will feel great.

    ​​After reading these words, I hope you do not hate me.

  • Blog 24–The love is there, but Tina is not

    Wanted to update you on the status of Tina and I.
    Oct 5–Yesterday and this morning I did not know what to expect. Tina and I met up at a diner at about 10am. ​We were both comfortable and relaxed. Love was apparent and obvious, she just told me again that, because I do not have belief as she does, she cannot continue because she wants to talk with me of faith and such. I understand, but then, I do not understand at all. I ask her if there was anything else that is breaking her away from me, there was not.
    Much hugging and kissing, and we are planning to be together again in the next few days.
    Oct 8–We got together again, some hours in a nice park. Walking, hugging, talking, laughing–a joyous time. Yet, Tina still tells me she cannot be with me because I lack faith in God. Our love is so strong toward each other, yet, this god is stronger than our love?
    Tina has bought a small station wagon and wants to continue here own travels in this vehicle.
    So, now knowing that Tina will not be with me anymore, I must continue. Down the road I go. Heading south initially, have no idea where I will be heading to. So lonely, so hard, but, as always, I will find a way.
    I’m glad you’re there>>>>>>>>>>Kit

  • Blog 23–Attitude Counts, much

    October 5--This morning the guys at Kehtron computer
    helped me install Windows 10, a nice new system. I mainly use google for writing, so the operating system does not matter that much.
    Are you using 10? 
    I have known Bill and his computer guys for some years, they have helped much with my computer circumstances.
    In the afternoon I met with my friend Steve Harrison, whom I have known since the 80’s, I believe. Steve has helped so many people with his company:
    A personal tour of the van–he liked. He thinks I am very creative and have designed and built things well. In future blogs I will be letting you know where I am traveling to next. If I am going anywhere near you I would love to give you a tour of the van, too. 
    Steve took me to dinner, very nice, and we had a great talk. When we first got together we sat in my home (the van, of course) and I cried with changes that have happened. With talk between us I am starting to see a future that will help many people, as well as myself; a good thing. So, by the end of the evening, I had my smile back.
    We also stopped by Barnes and Noble, he thought they might have some books that would interest me. He ended up buying for me, “Mere Christianity” (which I had read some years ago) and a book by Henry David Thoreau. 
    Steve told me I write somewhat like Thoreau; a nice compliment. He also said my writing is quite good (so good to hear, some of you have told me, too, very nice, thanks.)
    Earlier I had posted words about TSA and how I dealt with them. I was in a playful mood and felt like goofing off. I was not trying to be rude to these people who are doing their job. 
    Someone had written that I was being negative, which I did not mean to bring forward at all. I am hoping that, through my words, you see that I like to make people truly “think”, something few people do. I know it is their job and they have to do the job, just trying to have them “think” for a moment.
    Yes, TSA was necessary to settle and relax people after 9/11, but, I believe, they have taken it too far and it is intimidating the masses, and the control imposed is not right. 
    In my blog I am writing words of how “I” feel, I not want to present negativity. 
    And, I want to make this a dialog. I am hearing from a few of you about the words I am scripting. 
    Have I heard from you, yet? 
    ​In my travels, I am realizing more and more the impact of attitude on and about life. Attitude, for myself, is far more important than facts. Being more important than education, money, circumstances, failures, successes and even more that the life that we have lived so far.
    I want to bring you fresh good words 
    to change your attitude to the better. 
    I have to admit, my attitude recently has dropped far down. Sorry to have brought you down with me in the words I have been presenting lately. Yes, I am now climbing back aboard the ship. We will be sailing again soon (oh, I forgot, I get very seasick easily, I thing I will stay on dry land.)
    Bring on that smile to everyone you see! 
    Remember, it will be good for them–and even better for you. 
    With the right attitude about and in life, you can live the life that you want. The amazing thing is that we have a choice every day on which direction our attitude will turn.
    Remember that we cannot change the past, how other people will act, what might be inevitable or natural changes. What we can do is control and/or change our attitude toward what is happening or has happened.
    I have learned this myself in a number of ways. 
    Tomorrow Tina and I will get together at about 10am. I am much looking forward to seeing her and wondering what joining together will bring. I promise I will be there with a good attitude, of course.
    Guess who>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Kit

  • Blog 22–Back home? and future plans

    ​Landed a few days ago at Philadelphia airport. ​TSA (airport security) has a problem with me, though.
    To me, TSA is just a big waste of time and money. They have NEVER caught any kind of terrorist or someone against America.  Costing billions of dollars, what a waste. The people with them are quite invasive and I do not like it.
    This is the government taking more and more control of what we do, that is all it seems to me. There is not dire need to stop terrorists. Take a look:
    I must tell you how I handled them (yes, I was a bad boy.)
    First, they took away a sealed jar of honey that someone had given me as a gift.
    The initial xray I stood with my feet not on the place where they want, and then held my arms up in a weird way that they did not like.
    Because of this I got passed onto someone who would do a full body pat down.
    When he got to the area checking the top of my leg, I said, “Oh, that feels good.” He called a supervisor who went over me again.
    I said to a few of them, “Don’t you feel foolish doing what you do?” and,
    “Don’t you feel ridiculous checking everyone like this?”
    For some reason they did not like my words.
    Back to jail for me? Did I ever tell you about the time I was in jail for one month on a false charge? At the end of this blog you will read words I wrote at the time.
    Finally got to go to the gate where I was to catch my plane, fortunately I got there on time.
    From sunny San Diego in the water at the beach to cold in Philadelphia in the same day. I want to thank Daniel Powell once again for having me come out there and for the great time.
    Currently in Wilmington, DE with my van parked at Tom and Jackie’s house. They have been quite good to me.
    Last night I made salsa for them and then we had a taco party later. A good time was had by all.
    Do you know of the salsa I developed? Take a look:
    Very healthy with a great taste.
    My salsa business brought in thousands and thousands of dollars; I did quite well.
    I had to close down the business after I got hit by that truck in 2011.
    Then I went to jail on the false charge.
    The salsa is quick and easy to make. Below is the recipe, my gift to you.
    Please let me know how it turns out for you.
    Actually do not know what my future plans are.
    May drive toward the south (already getting cold here.)
    Of course, you will find out as time goes on.
    I may even stop by your house, would that be alright?
    I am already starting to put together some new blog words to help you in life, words I hope will help change your life for the better.
    I care about you>>>>>>>>>>Kit

    How to make Summers’ Salsa:

    Use can of corn

    One can of black beans (or a can of mixed beans)

    One can of sliced peaches, or 3 fresh peaches

    One bunch of coriander (also known as cilantro)

    One a 20 centimeter (8 inch) square of Roma tomatoes (same as plum tomatoes)

    One large onion

    One lemon

    One lime

    Four cloves of garlic, minced

    Chili powder–one spoon

    Garlic salt–one spoon

    Honey–two spoons

    1 or more jalapeno peppers (depending on the heat level you desire)

    Use a food processor to chop up the tomatoes into small bits, about 1 or 2 centimeters (quarter inch squares).  Peal the outside of the onion, cut it into quarters and put these the food processor, chop so that are about the same size as the tomatoes.  Drain the can of peaches and put them into the food processor and chop the same size as the tomatoes, add to the bowl. Drain the cans of corn and beans then add them to the bowl.   Hand chop the coriander into small bits (about the same size as tomatoes) and add this.  Squeeze the juice of the lemon and the lime into the bowl, add some pulp if you desire.  Add the chili power, garlic salt, honey.  In the food processor, chop one or more Jalapeno peppers into very tiny bits and then add them.  Mix all of these ingredients together well and enjoy your fresh salsa.



    Away in Jail

    These words were written while in jail from , you will learn more as you read on.

    There I was, downstairs in my home-office doing work on my computer.  The front door-bell rang.  Surprised that someone would be at the door, I quickly ran up to answer.  I was delighted to see that it was a Trainer police office whom I knew.  I invited him in, wondering why he was at my house.  A well-built man with a friendly smile, Officer Freeman told me I was to go with him to appear before a judge.  What a shock to me this news was.  I asked him the reason for the visit before the judge, he told me that my next-door neighbor (someone who I never really got along with, although I always tried to be friendly with him) had reported that I had threatened to shoot him with a gun.  I replied that I never would have said such a thing, did not own a gun, and never even fired a gun.  The police office, who knows me and my character from knowing me already, would know I would not have a gun, could have simply said, “We had a call that you had a gun, we need to thoroughly search your house for any weapons”.  They would not have found any, of course, and this whole thing could have been cleared up then and there.  Yet, the officer told me I still had to go and talk with the judge.

    So, with no time to prepare, I locked up my house and was escorted out to the waiting patrol car.  The officer opened the back door and I looked into the backseat which had very little leg room.  I knew it would hurt much to squeeze my legs in to fit, you see, my knee was broken recently and two pins were holding it together.  In April I was riding my bicycle on Chichester Avenue and was run down by a truck.  My body was broken much.  In fact, this was the second time I was hit by a truck.  In 1982 I was working as a featured performer in Atlantic City and, while walking to the casino to be in the show, I was run down by a truck then, too, which included a 37 day coma.  Anyway, much pain as I got into the back seat of the squad car.

    First driven to the Trainer police station, quite surprised at the officers’ next words, “We won’t have to put the handcuffs on you, yet.”  I’ve never even tried on those kind of bracelets before, I could not imagine.  In the police station he did some paper work and then, to my amazement, fingerprinted me and did mug shots–like a common criminal.  Yes, things were building, getting worse.

    Next he drove me about 3 miles away to a local court to see a judge.  By this time my mind was reeling with all these events, sent into a sad abyss.  Again I had mug shots taken and more fingerprints.  My mind and heart were looking down a path that was very sad.  The judge read the charges:

    1)  Terroristic threats with intent to terrorize another

    2)  Harassment–subject other to physical conduct.

    3)  Disorderly Conduct Hazardous physi off

    Shocked at these charges, there was nothing I could do, I was not allowed to say a thing.  The judge announced that I was to go to jail for a psychological examination.  Handcuffs placed on my wrists and placed into a van they use to transport criminals, I was whisked off to jail (no passing go, no collecting $200.)

    I must say at this point I’ve never had trouble with the law (except a couple traffic tickets), never been in handcuffs, and, of course, never have been in a jail.  My entire life had changed.  Down I slipped into that sad abyss.

    Because I was not allowed to make any phone calls or talk to anyone, no one knew I was taken to jail or where I was.

    Who will find my four rabbits?

    Who will get my mail?

    What about the food in the fridge going bad?

    Who will turn off my computer that was left on?

    At this point you have to remember that all of this was done with NO EVIDENCE, NO WITNESSES, NO PROOF and NO WORD FROM ME.  All thrust upon me and I could not say a word in my defense.  I was never read my rights and could not talk to a lawyer.  Ripped away from my life and thrown in jail.  Just think, it could have been you, they could have done this to anyone.

    So, here I am, “hi jail.”  I had to give them everything I had with me (I hope my debit cards are alright.)  They even took my glasses.  In my wallet I had $555.  If you have it, they automatically take $140 for the jail (theft?)  They gave me blues, which every prisoner wears, including blue flats for your feet.  A beautiful specimen was I.  After I got the “blues” on I gave a sad look goodbye to my other stuff.  Off to, yes, a third set of mug shoots and fingerprints (boy, I must have been a really bad boy.)

    This story will continue, this is what I have to this point.

    While incarcerated (the worst tmonth of my life), I took pages and pages of notes.  These are ideas generated to help improve the prison system, showing that many are in there for no good reason, which is costing the state much money (which the state does not have) and, many more subjects.  This may develop into another book (I’ve written four.)  Right now I am searching for an editor at a local paper, and hoping to go national, to work with to put together a magnificent story for your readers.


    How can person #1 simply accuse person #2 of something, with no proof what-so-ever then person #2 ends up in jail

    Cruel and unusual punishment

    The following are things that I discovered that are either cruel and unusual punishment, illegal, or just plain inhuman.  In upcoming challenges, defendants will include Craig , the Trainer police department, the Linwood Court and the George W Hill Jail.  When I typed these in I did so directly from my notes with no editing.  The following are not put into any kind of order.


    • Sue for making false accusations.

    • Defamation of character.

    • Also, sue for throwing the big rock at me, there is a witness.

    The Police

    • Was not allowed to use a phone to make any calls.

    • Was put into the squad car which had too little leg room, my broken was hurting much.  I did say something to the officer.

    • With my brain injury it was hard to comprehend all that was going on.  Lost I was.

    • The officer who picked me up did not prepare me in any way for what I was about to go through.  He could have said something.

    • Because the cops had to come to my home a number of times recently because I had some bad renters here who did bad things, I think the police had it out for me and just wanted to see me behind bars.

    • If the police thought that I had threatened to shot Craig with a gun, why did they not ask to search my home for any weapons?  They could have done this before carting me off to jail and ruining my life.

    • Concerned about my home.  Recently I had some theft at my house, and, with me not being there, my house is an open territory.  When I return will there be anything left?  The Trainer police are well-aware of this, I hold them responsible for any loses.

    • The police did not let me call anyone, never read me my rights. Did not prepare me in any way.  They did not allow me to put my bunnies away in their cage.  The four rabbits could be dead for all I know.  Not knowing is driving me crazy–more cruel and unusual punishment.

    • As stated in the affidavit, the incident in which I supposedly threatened to got get a gun and shoot Craig happened on September 10.  I was not picked up by the police until September 20.  Why the delay?  Something is VERY wrong here.  Throw this case out of the ball park.

    The court

    • They brought charges without hearing my side of the story at all.

    • The judge did not allow me to say a word in my defense (defense of what, I did nothing).  Not allowing a brain injured person to know anything about what is going on or say anything is cruel and unusual punishment.

    • The judge came too to quick a decision and sent me straight to jail.

    • Seems that this arresting me and taking me in was just done too quickly and without ANY evidence.  No witnesses.  Not discussed with me.  Not thought on.  Just–”Let’s send Kit to jail.”  Regardless of the destroying of my mental state and life.  Things like this should not be rushed, the judge rushed things much.

    The only thing they offer for drink (you have to stand in line to get it and they often run out) at meals is a cup of a very sugary, what appears to be, juice drink.  I refuse to partake of this scary drink mix.  They could simply offer cups of clean filtered water (no cost to them) and most people would grab a cup of this safer, more pleasant beverage.  The only place to obtain water is at your sink/toilet assembly, the water tasteThe Jail

    • When I arrived they took all of my possessions, including all cash.  This would be illegal search and seizer.  There is no way your can pay your bail, even if you have the money with you.

    • They took my glasses, so my entire time at the jail I could not see.  When I was finally released they did not have my glasses.  While there I had put in many many requests for help in getting them back to me, including trying to contact medical–all ignored.

    • Never told anything–especially how long I might be in there.

    • Never received the inmate handbook that outlines much about the jail.  I had to learn on my own.

    • The first two days and night was in a short term “holding cell” with 12 other people.  This small room has a limit of 6 people, so, way over-crowed.  Legally there is a limit of 24 hours to be in this cell, I was much over this amount of time.  The ceiling light stays on all the time making it difficult to sleep. This small room has one toilet in the corner and was dirty, smelly and it was hard to breath. I had to sleep on the hard cold floor near the toilet with just one thin blanket, in trying to sleep on my side I bruised my hip which hurt much for days afterward.

    • While in the holding cell there was no access to be able to use a shower.

    • They refused me medical rights.

    • I was never advised that I could talk to a lawyer, never read my rights, never told ANYTHING!  Just carted off to jail totally ignoring anything I might have to say.

    • Being my first time in jail I was scared.  No one ever told me anything about what was going on–no help, no rights, no law.

    • Supposed to be allowed out of the cell for one hour each day–both days we were not allowed out at all.

    • By the evening of the second day have still not been able to use a phone to make my “one” call.

    • So, a blind (because they took my glasses), head-injured man with a healing broken leg and shoulder put in jail with no rights at all.

    • Finally put into a cell with two other people.  I have to sleep on the floor.  Legally they cannot have more then two people in a cell.  They put me on the floor by the door and toilet, a definite fire hazard.

    • In my mouth I have a 3-tooth bridge.  When food gets in there it bothers me and eventually starts a cavity.  I have a special tool that cleans that area.  Of course, I do not have the tool, so, food is in there bothering me and starting a cavity.  And, when we first came in they gave us a wimpy toothbrush that fell apart in a couple days and a toothpaste that tastes wicked.  Here comes the cavities. That tooth brush was never able to be replaced, I tried.

    • I am with all these other people, yet feel totally isolated.  I am trying to read, alone in the room, but cannot concentrate.  Being in here is effecting me much mentally–in a terrible way!  As my mind slips away, I find myself talking to myself, yelling, making strange movements, hating life, wanting to die, not able to contain myself, shaking, repeating words over and over and . . ., cussing.  I feel this is and has been very destructive to my mind.

    • Being in this cell there is no way to contact anyone.  If I was dieing there is no way to let anyone know.  There is an intercom on the wall, but it does not work.

    • During this time in jail I would have been calling farmers markets and events in which to sell my salsa.  With Khalida’s help I was getting back to salsa.  So, by keeping me in jail I am losing out on thousands of dollars of income.

    • The reason the judge had sent me to jail was for a psychological examination.  Perhaps that is what occurred yesterday when some young girl was asking me questions and wondering why I had to go through the questions, saying that I was intellectually sound.  I was asked many questions by the young woman, she could find NOTHING wrong with me.  Yet, I am still here fading away and losing my mind.  I should have been set free after hear questions.  Another illegality.

    • By bringing me in here they have killed my four bunnies!  And, I have lost my house.

    • This is terribly embarrassing to be in here, as well as an insult to my character and reputation, worth thousands (millions?)

    • No one knows I am in jail.  For all they know I could be dead,  Must be upsetting many friends who care about me and may think I am dead (or worse).  The time should be financially covered by someone.

    • From me not watering my plants they are dying–more loss.

    • They seem to want to cram as many people as possible in here to make the most money from the state. One guy I talked to was prescribed percocet for pain he had from a shoulder injury, these were prescribed by a doctor.  He had some lose pills in his pocket and did not have the pill bottle, so the cops brought him in.  Another person had simply missed an alimony payment.

    • I am a vegetarian.  There is a side of vegetables at times or a muffin or bread, which I eat.  Usually I am giving most of my food away.  So, I hardly ate while in jail.  They cannot “make” me eat the meat entrees and prepared food dishes.  These days, with so many going vegetarian, the jail must change, keep up.  I would love to see the judge or people working here live on this “food” for a week.  Maybe even invite “George W Hill” to partake. More cruel and unusual punishment.

    • Is terrible, a metallic taste.  I normally drink much water, the best thing for you to consume.  For me and many others this is a terrible insult not to have access to clean, good healthy water.  A tremendous injustice.

    • This is, supposedly, a correctional facility.  From what I see, the George W Hill jail is just a place to eat, sleep, and play cards until your time is up.  There of no retraining of people.  People do not learn anything to help their future life.  There are some smart “prisoners” here, even they could teach classes about their skills to teach people to use in the future.  Some things must be changed here–dramatically.

    • I like to exercise, which is only good for people.  Here at the jail there is no where to exercise, just some cement where the basketball court is.  Exercising will help people get better.  The place is called “Correctional”, exercise would help tremendously along those lines.  Many would participate–only a good thing.  Without the chance for exercise it is more cruel and unusual punishment.

    • The entire complex is kept too cold.  You only get a small blanket to sleep with.  I hardly slept some nights because I was too cold.  File this under more cruel and unusual punishment.

    • When I first arrived at intake they took my glasses, I have not been able to see.  I put in numerous requests to have them get them for me.  Never heard a word.  Could not see the TV to watch, could not do much while in jail.  Basically, all I could do was read and write, which I did much of.  This was a terrible injustice.  When I was released they did not have my glasses, they had lost them.

    • When they put me in a cell they put me in a top bunk.  There is not ladder to get up there.  So, a blind, brain injured man who has a broken knee and shoulder has to navigate up to the top bunk.  I had reported these problems I had physically.  It was very difficult and hurt much.  I fell twice in trying to get up, hurting myself.

    • For a time I put my mattress on the floor so I would avoid having to climb up.  But, this presented other problems.  My broken knee hurt so very much when I had to go to a standing position.  PAIN.  Because it is a fire hazard, this is against the law, too.

    • Yes, the mattress was on the ground illegally. But, I have no worries, on none hardly checked our cell.  When they did check they ignored the mattress on the floor.

    • These “security officers” here like much to watch TV.  Often they will sit directly in front of the TV and were not watching the inmates.  Often I did not feel safe, some scary guys here.  These security officers would not be of any help.  Scared.  Cruel and unusual.

    • Losing out on much money being here rather than being in my office developing and building my businesses.  Hard for my family.  May lose my home.  Much anguish on my mind.  Definitely cruel and unusual punishment.

    • To be able to call out to someone you first have to give them their name and number then the number is approved.  After 24 hours you can call this number.  More then 48 hours ago I had put in my mom’s number with the correct paper work.  Talking to her is my only hope of remaining sane.  Not remembering other people’s numbers, hers is my only hope.  Yet, the number never did work, I had NO contact with the outside world.  It feels like I am stuck here forever–destroying me–HELP! Tears, loneliness, frustration, no joy, no hope. Death come my way, please.  If that is not cruel and unusual I don’t know what else would be.

    • I am suffering, I need help.  The only contact for help is to see the “counselor”, John–and this guy does not help much at all.  There is a person who is called “the runner”, Jimmy, who sets up people to see John.  The only way to get ANYTHING accomplished it going through Jimmy.  I must have made at least 15 requests to talk with him, all ignored.  I had to try and go through him to get my glasses, to get a toothbrush (which I didn’t have the entire time there), and to answer questions.  There is NO ONE to talk to to get anything accomplished here.  There are the guards, but they know nothing (and act that way, too.)  NO ONE TO TALK TO!

    • A rolled up towel for a pillow.  A mattress that is hardly padding on the steal bed.  A blanket that is too thin to keep you warm.  Sheets that were dirty and ripped when I got them, plus they didn’t fit right.  Not able to sleep well because of this massive discomfort.  Now, would this be filed under inhumane or cruel?

    • Is there no one from the state (or the planet Earth) who inspects this jail at all?  So many faults, so many problems, so little organization (they are not even computerized), Such inedible food, no water to drink, no help of any kind, temperature too cold for humans, smells awful, toilet flushes too loud, guards are not nice, every day is exactly the same.  Or, am I just complaining too much?

    • There is no “correction” in this correctional facility.  Way too many people.  Very noisy night and day.

    • I’m finding out that once they get people in here–IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO GET OUT.

    • October 1, 2010.  All day today they kept us locked up in our cells, only letting us out briefly for meals.  As prisoners, legally, we “have” to be let out so much time each day.  So, totally illegal.

    • All day, shaking from the cold.  Now it is 7pm–AND GETTING COLDER.  Once again, tonight, I will not sleep.  So much cruel and unnecessary punishment.

    • How can this jail just keep someone as long as as they want and not do anything toward his release until they make the time and make it happen?  They are in full control.  They need bodies.  As long as I am here they are making money from the state, no judge would go against it, and they don’t care about using up and wasting lives away, they just want money from the state, and, the state of Pennsylvania does not have money now.

    • ’ve talked with three different guys who are here because of “one” DUI infraction.  Yes, a terrible thing, but why waste jail space and state monies when they could be at home with an ankle bracelet keeping them here–learning their lesson.  That just shows that they just want bodies in here so they can make money from the state, I SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN HERE.

    • Last night when the daily “big party” shut down at about 11pm, people got locked in their cells.  Yet, two were left out.  These two prisoners and two of the guards were talking, very loudly, as people were trying to get to sleep (midnight now). This unnecessary noise went on and did not stop.  Finally, for everyone’s behalf, I went to the small window and banged on it to get them to stop so that we could get some sleep. The two inmates laughed at me, the two guards did nothing. Then, I heard one of them say, “He’s in jail, it doesn’t matter”, I think it was one of the guards who said that.  I didn’t want to go bang on the small window a third time, thing the two guards might take me to solitary confinement (I believe they could do that.)  Now, don’t forget, these two are “getting paid” for watching TV and talking out there keeping us awake.  Also, these guards have to be up anyway, so this is probably more enjoyable then whatever else they would be doing (like “work”?)  Things finally settled down about, what must have been, 2am.  Then, because of my anger and frustration, I could not return to sleep.  Suddenly, 5am, time for breakfast.  Like usual, the food was too disgusting for me to eat.  The guy I gave it to was quite happy.  So, no sleep again last night.  What a cruel way to be punished.  Once again, who is watching these guards, who are watching the prisoners?

    • So, I heard back from medical about the grievance I filed about not getting my glasses and about that psychological exam I was supposed to have done.  They wrote that I was to contact the psychology department.  Now, being in jail and not allowed to do most anything how can I contact the psych department?  Totally ridiculous.  WHAT CAN I DO FOR SOME HELP AROUND HERE?

    • Today we had an inspection of our cell.  Because the air comes in so so cold from the vent, we had covered with small cardboard squares to stop the freezing air from coming in, making it somewhat comfortable.  The guard saw the covers we put up and said we can’t do that, he locked up in until lunch time.  So, it is either freeze with the cold air or get locked in your cell.  The guard who locked us in is the same guard who watches TV most of the day (once again, getting paid to watch TV.)  Also, he is often sleeping in his chair, so he gets paid to sleep, too.  There are so many things at this jail that are not right.  Very cruel, very unusual.

    • Last night was the worst.  The TV was on very loud until the normal 11pm locked in the cells time.  Yet, last night the TV remained on.  It got past midnight, I believe.  There was still much noise out in the big room, I went to investigate.  It ended up that they were cleaning and polishing the floor.  During the day there are many hours when this could be accomplished, why in the middle of the night keeping everyone awake.  I banded on my cell door window to get the guys attention to tell him to turn off the TV because people are trying to sleep.  He said some things and I just said, “Turn it off, NOW!”  He must have sensed my anger and passion, he obliged.  But loud talking and the slamming of doors prevailed. I laid in anger in my bunk thinking, “Boy, idiots and so stupid.”  There is no caring of concern about the humans who “have” to be here.

    • The “guys” are watching Eagles football on TV.  I can’t watch because  I can’t see without my glasses.  Life is so different and difficult without site.

    • Saw a security guard out yakking with three prisoners for at least one and a half hours, and, of course, getting paid for it.

    • Went to see the judge today.  Before we went all of us had to have handcuffs and foot-cuffs (shackles) on, how demeaning.  It was like you see in the movies, but scarier.  When we returned from court, I was slow in getting out of the van; hard to walk with the chains on.  People were telling me to hurry up, and, because I don’t have very much feeling in my right foot, I could not tell the chain was wrapped around my foot.  I fell from the upper step of the van, could not put my hands out to protect myself, either.  Landed on my left knee (the one that had two pins put into it in April) and my left elbow.  I demanded to go to see the physician there, it was a physicians assistant.  He basically did a lousy job of putting a band-aid on it and said, “Looks OK, nothing broken.”  Little did he know that internally it was hurting much.  I was able to go see my doctor the next day and he took xrays, could not see any problems.  But, since this happened my knee has be hurting tremendously.  Before this re-injury, I was able to walk up and stairs with hardly any trouble.  Now, to ride a bike of go up and down stairs, much pain.  My elbow and shoulder are hurting a lot, too.  The pain is much much more because of this fall, I hope I don’t have permanent damage from it.

  • Blog 21–A Success!

    This morning I went with Daniel to a Toastmasters meeting. I presented a seven minute talk. 

    I got “Best Speech of the Day”.

    This gives me much hope in getting my inspirational speaking going again, strong.

    Back on Track>>>>>>>>>Kit